Finding Him
by Living in a fantasy
Summary: You can be the straightest person in the world until you find that special someone. It is the feelings for that person that matter, and the challenges you are willing to face to be with them. A high school story of discovery, trust, and above all, love.
1. prologue

**AN: So here is my newest ongoing fic! Updates should be fairly regular because I have rough drafts of several chapters written. The only drawback is my semester starts Monday so I hope I can keep up fine. Anyway please read and enjoy.**

**Warnings: AU, this is a high school fic but do not expect all the DN characters to make appearances. Language and such and well…it IS rated M for a reason xD You shall see.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own DN, obvi.**

/…/…/…/

Chapter one: Prologue

It was the start of another dull week at my dull high school. I yawned and walked to my locker, opening it and putting my backpack inside, digging through my locker for my books.

After eleven grueling years in the public school system, I had finally reached my senior year. So far it hadn't been anything special. It was the beginning of October now, and I doubted much would change. I had already submitted all my college applications, wanting them out of the way as soon as possible, and I had started applying for scholarships. All I had to do was maintain my spot as first and I would graduate with enough scholarships to put me through college…or at least, enough to put me through college if I had a job.

Yes if I wanted any spare money I'd have to get a job once I was on campus and away from home. Luckily the money I had saved up from Gamestop over the years would be a good start.

I sighed and turned off my cellphone, mentally cursing the school rules, not that I used it all that often anyway. I preferred to have one though, especially since I had to walk everywhere since I couldn't afford a car. Luckily Joe and Michelle were usually willing to pick me up if the weather was bad or something.

"Hey Matt." Speak of the devil. I turned from my locker to face my two friends. I wasn't particularly close with either of them, but we did talk at school and on occasion even made plans on the weekend. Joe was a decent gamer, but Michelle's love for games far outweighed her actual talent. Either way, it had led us all to talking, which was nice, since I didn't care much for anyone else in the school.

"So did you do the chemistry homework? I didn't understand number five and neither did Joe," Michelle asked as she pulled her dark blond hair back in a ponytail. Wordlessly I dug through my folder, producing the worksheet and handing it to her. "You're the best Matt."

I finished grabbing my books and turned back towards them only to make eye contact with someone across the hall.

He was lean, decked in all black. His blond hair hung just above his shoulders, not a strand out of place. He kept eye contact and I looked away, glancing back up to see an amused smirk playing across his face. He slammed his locker shut, stretching, which exposed just a sliver of his stomach before he turned abruptly and walked down the hall.

He was new. I would have remembered him. Not only was his locker by mine, but this was a rather small school. There's no way I wouldn't have noticed him.

"Earth to Matt," Michelle said, waving my homework in front of my face. I snatched it and put it back in my folder, closing my locker and falling into step besides Joe and Michelle, who were discussing the finer points of Grand Theft Auto. I mumbled my agreement to whatever Joe said as we walked into sociology together.

Who was that new kid?

/…/…/…/

I found out that the new kid was Mello, several periods later in my English class. He had just transferred because of his dad's new job and would be here for the remainder of the year.

Mello…an interesting name for an interesting person. He was placed across the room and the teacher handed him a copy of Dante's Inferno, the book we had been reading in class for the past couple of weeks.

Something about him commanded attention. He seemed so confident, even on his first day in a new school. He was just so different from all the other guys here.

The class continued to study him. It wasn't often that we got a new student so late in the year. The teacher called for attention, finally dragging the curious stares from the blond.

"Okay class, can someone tell me what the contrapasso is of simony? Any ideas or guesses?"

I rolled my eyes. No one in this class knew the answer to a question like that, and I was sure most of them hadn't even done the reading. I was just about to sit back and watch the teacher explode over the lack of motivation in the class when Mello raised his hand.

Everyone looked at him, surprised. Even the teacher looked thrown off, but she recovered quickly and called on him. "Yes Mello?"

He put his hand down and sat up straighter. "The contrapasso of simony is the aspect of baptism. The fire is the opposite of water, burning their feet instead of cleansing the body of sin. They are also in what Dante likens to a baptism basin. In essence, it is a mock baptism. In addition, the sinners being face down represents them being placed even farther from Heaven for buying and selling holy offices and positions within the church. Because they tried to get higher up unfaithfully, they are being pushed headfirst even farther down to pay for their sins."

Silence. Mello sat back, amusement and confidence dancing through his eyes as the entire class stared in amazement. He looked at the teacher, his smirk growing wider at the shock on her face. "Is that sufficient?" he asked.

Who _was_ this guy?!

The rest of the day passed uneventfully. I caught one more glance of Mello at his locker, but he was gone as soon as I approached my locker. I grabbed my backpack and left the building. I didn't go straight home though, opting instead to linger at a café halfway between school and home. It was relaxing, and I stayed there to do all of my homework before even considering heading home.

I had settled into this routine comfortably ever since eighth grade. The café was small and inviting, usually quiet as people sat conversing in soft voices or reading. It transformed throughout the seasons, and I liked to watch the different people who came into the café.

But I couldn't stay out all night, and eventually I made my way home. I sighed and slowly opened the door.

"Oh, you're home."

He was standing there, beer bottle in hand, as I expected. He just looked at me before gulping down the rest if the bottle and vanishing into the kitchen. I heard the bottle slam onto the counter, then the sound of the fridge opening as he retrieved another. He stumbled to a stop once more in front of me.

Adam Jeevas is my father. I can tolerate him most of the time, except when he drinks. I hate people who drink. They're obnoxious and foolish. They yell, they stumble around, and they act like complete idiots. Of course, my father has always been like this, at least as far as I can remember.

My brother David disagrees. He says dad never used to drink, except socially. David is nearly five years older than me, and he remembers a time when dad didn't drink. Apparently he used to take David out for boat rides and dinner with mom. They used to go to movies and go on picnics and all kinds of amazing things.

Now, even seventeen years later, he hasn't forgiven me for killing her. He hasn't forgiven me for leading dad into drinking. He hasn't forgiven me for making him lose out on those picnics and dinners and movie nights.

I suppose it could be worse. My dad has never completely lost it and beat us senseless and thrown us onto the streets. He hasn't quit his job and let us starve to death. But he barely tolerates me as it is, so I do my best to stay on his good side. He still seems to like David okay, so I have to be careful not to anger David, because he holds a lot of sway with dad.

David still lives at home, despite the fact that he's twenty two. He never went to college; we certainly didn't have the money. That's why I work so hard in school to stay in first or at least second. Number one and two, they get scholarships, and a lot of them. If I made enough, I could get away from this house. Being merely tolerated was not a good feeling.

David didn't have a girlfriend; I don't know who would want to date an asshole like him, and so he still lives at home, bringing in a small income with his crappy job. Most of his money went to beer anyway.

"Oh look whose home," came the slurred voice from the doorway. I sighed and turned to see David standing there, beer held in his hand. "Little Matty decided to grace us with his presence."

I ignored him, trying to brush past into the kitchen. Dad had wandered off, saying something about music. Moments later I heard the stereo blaring from the living room. David followed me, still talking. "What, too good to talk to me? Too good for your older brother? Is that typical of most murderers?"

I didn't look at him, instead opening the fridge to search for something I could take to my room easily. "Hey!" I felt a hand on my arm, and I was wrenched suddenly away from the fridge. David slammed the door shut and glared at me. "I'm talking to you! You can't try and pretend I don't exist, _you're_ the one who shouldn't have been born!" I didn't look at him. Arguing was pointless, and could lead to violence. I was small compared to my brother, who actually put in effort at the gym. As a result, I knew I wouldn't stand a chance in a real fight with him. "Well?! Did mom die when _I_ was born?!"

I would have shrunk back if he didn't still have a grip on my arm. "No," I answered.

"That's right," he said, features calming. "It wasn't my fault. It wasn't dad's fault either was it?"

"No," I said, hoping it would be enough to placate him and I could escape to my room.

He released me, nodding. "That's right, it wasn't our fault. You're lucky dad lets you stay here at all." He continued mumbling about it as he made his way out of the kitchen. I quickly grabbed the leftover half of a sub sandwich from the fridge and retreated to my room.

I locked the door behind me, just so they couldn't walk in to lecture me or start yelling or something. It was usually only David who tried, but neither bothered to try to get in if I locked the door. I sighed and collapsed on my bed, slowly eating my dinner and staring at the ceiling.

Mello…he certainly seemed different. I had never been so intrigued by someone before. He seemed so open, and so confident for someone starting in a new school, especially senior year.

Even if his hair made him look girly…it kind of suited him. Short hair just seemed wrong somehow. Unsure why I was contemplating this, I finished off my food then stood, taking my DS from the dresser and turning it on, quickly losing myself in my game.

Why think about it too much? It was just a new boy. It's not like he was all that different.


	2. The First Step

**AN: Forgot to mention this in the first chapter but I need to thank FanaticFics, also known as Parasitic on Mangabullet. She's a good friend of mine and she has been beta reading these chapters for me. I also bounce ideas off her, and this story may not be here if it weren't for her. I was kind of insecure about writing a high school story, but her reassurances that it is realistic and the like have helped a great deal. Thank you dear.**

**Also, thank you everyone for the wonderful response to the first chapter. I hope you'll continue to enjoy it as the story progresses.**

/…/…/…/

Chapter 2: The First Step

The next day when I went to my locker, I was slightly disappointed to not see Mello around. Shrugging it off, I dug through my backpack until I found my DS. I had left earlier than usual today, and I had a while before classes started. I walked towards the cafeteria but there was a large group of boys there. I did not like them; they were loud and extremely immature. I watched as one of them poured cereal from a box into his mouth, then poured milk from a milk carton in and swish the concoction around. His friends cheered and I rolled my eyes, retreating. I didn't have the patience to deal with such antics this morning.

I would go to the library but it was closed this early, and I couldn't play my game there. Finally I ended up back at my locker. It was quiet in the halls, so I slid down my locker until I was seated on the floor. I pulled a pack of poptarts from my pocket and opened them, breaking off a bite and tossing it in my mouth as I opened my DS.

I lost myself in my game, easily ignoring the few early morning arrivers like myself. I knew until the school day officially started no teachers would bother me about my game, as long as it was out of sight once the bell rang. I didn't bother to look up until I sensed movement directly in front of me.

Mello was at his locker, facing away from me. I glanced at the clock quickly, seeing he was an early arriver. I looked back when I heard him swear softly. I watched, curious, as he dug angrily through his backpack, finally pulling it out of his locker altogether to go through it better. His face was drawn in annoyance, and finally his face smoothed out as he pulled a chocolate bar from his bag.

Was that really what he was so worked up about?

He opened it hastily; face melting with satisfaction after the first bite. He stood then, and I got a direct view of him. His black shirt was tight, molding to his body, and his jeans, also tight and black, were settled low on his hips. I glanced away before he noticed me staring, watching him through slanted eyes as he gathered his books and closed his locker. He seemed to hesitate for a moment before walking towards the cafeteria.

I turned back to my game, but not before glancing at the clock again. It was 7:30. Classes didn't start until eight but… it couldn't hurt to show up early, right?

/…/…/…/

I went to school early again the next day, taking a seat once more by my locker to play my games. Just like the previous day, Mello showed up around 7:30. Today he was wearing deep blue jeans and a black t-shirt with a logo so faded I couldn't read it. He simply went to his locker before going to the cafeteria.

I found that I liked getting to school earlier. It was less time that I had to spend at home and I was baffled that I had never thought of it before. There were still ten minutes left until classes started, when I sensed movement in front of me.

I glanced up to see Michelle, who was looking at me quizzically. "I didn't know you came to school early," she said, sitting beside me. "I thought both you and Joe usually showed up just as the bell rang."

"It's a new thing," I told her, continuing to play. "I didn't know you came early though. How early do you get here?"

"Fifteen minutes about. I don't like to have to rush. What about you?"

I hesitated. "Um…it fluctuates. It's not a set time."

She nodded, pulling out an English worksheet as she talked. "What even prompted this sudden urge to come early? I've never seen you here before five minutes to class." She quickly began filling in answers as I searched my head for a response.

"I don't really know why I started…I just left early one day and liked it," I said.

She nodded, not saying anything.

She showed up at my locker again the next day, nearly twenty minutes before classes started. "Wow Matt, when you said early you meant early. You have to be one of the first people around."

I shrugged, not saying anything as she sat beside me and started finishing up homework. I expected her to show up the next day too but she didn't, and so the only person I even noticed was Mello. He, like usual, went to his locker then walked towards the cafeteria.

Mello was certainly an interesting guy. When he talked in class his voice seemed mocking, as if subtly insulting not only the class but even the teacher for their intellect. He interacted with other students, but it seemed polite at best. I'd heard him conversing with someone a few seats away from me, and his words sounded empty, as if he was not truly involved in the conversation.

A week into this new routine Mello came to school at 7:30 as usual. I glanced at him, noting his new shoes…or rather boots, before looking down at my game. I was on a boss level and I couldn't afford to be distracted right now.

But when Mello sat down at his locker and pulled out his homework I couldn't help but look up. He didn't spare me a glance; instead he opened his psychology book and quickly began writing in his notebook. I observed him discreetly. It didn't seem to take him long to finish at all before he moved on to his math, which seemed to be taking him longer. He seemed to be focusing a lot harder on math. Maybe he wasn't good at it.

"Hey Matt, what's…" Michelle's voice trailed off and I looked up to see her looking at Mello. Her eyes drifted between us for a moment before she sat beside me. "What's up?" she asked quietly.

"Nothing. Just waiting for class," I told her. She nodded, pulling her chemistry from a folder. Knowing how much trouble she had with the subject, I handed her my homework so she could check her answers. She smiled gratefully, leaning closer to ask how to complete a problem. I explained it quickly and she nodded to herself, quickly writing it down.

I lifted my head to see Mello watching me. I was startled but didn't look away. He watched me a moment longer before turning back to his math.

That had been… odd. I watched as his lips thinned and his brow crinkled in concentration. He put one hand to his head, fingertips lightly supporting his head as he stared down at the problem. I noticed the moment he understood. His face relaxed and comprehension filled his features as he quickly began writing.

I looked away to see Michelle watching me. I offered her a small smile and she smiled in return, glancing between Mello and me again before looking back down at her chemistry sheet.

Shrugging her gaze off, I saved my game and put my DS in my locker.

/…/…/

Later that day in English class, bored out of my mind, I glanced across the room towards Mello. His pencil was held loosely in his hand, and although he did not look like he was paying particularly close attention, his writing was quick and fluid. The teacher called on him to answer a question (lucky that she hadn't called on me, I hadn't been paying attention to her at all) and he answered without looking up, tone flat and bored. As if sensing my gaze he glanced up at me and I froze. His lips quirked in a small smirk before he looked back at his notebook, barely pausing in his note taking.

It was then that I questioned why I had been watching him so much and promptly decided to stop. Just because he was interesting didn't mean I had a right to watch him all day.

But that night, lying in bed, I realized I didn't want to stop. I wasn't a social person by nature and I had never felt very compelled to speak with anyone, but Mello was different.

I wanted to approach him. I can't really explain why, but I felt myself drawn to him. It didn't make any sense. There was just something about him. His confidence, his personality, all of it drew me in. He was different.

It made no sense and it worried me, how much I had studied him in such a short amount of time.

The desire to speak to him only intensified. I was jealous of everyone who casually exchanged words with him. I am not extroverted…I am extremely introverted and find it hard to put myself out there. I'm afraid of rejection; I've had enough of that living at home.

This left me with a problem…how to talk to and get to know Mello. I didn't have the confidence to just walk up to him and start talking. That would just be awkward. There was no reason for me to really talk to him. I certainly wasn't going to ask about English or something. I didn't want to look like another one of his stupid classmates.

Contemplating this, I walked to chemistry, wordlessly dropping into my seat beside Joe and Michelle. They were talking but I didn't bother to join the conversation. I just wanted to get through chemistry so I could eat lunch and get to English and-

What was wrong with me?!

Mr. Barthel, the chemistry teacher, wandered in and my eyes widened when I saw Mello following him in. What was he doing here? He wasn't in this class.

The bell rang and the class slowly grew quiet. Mr. Barthel was handing Mello a textbook and some worksheets. Joe leaned in next to me and whispered in my ear. "That Mello kid? I heard he's gay."

My thoughts were jolted and I turned my gaze to Joe. "What? Where did you hear that?"

He shrugged. "It's been going around school. He's a tenor in the choir or something and the way he dresses is fueling the rumors I think."

"What's wrong with the way he dresses?" I asked.

"Nothing really. It's just a rumor. Do you think it's true?"

"No. I mean you can't just judge like that, you know? It's not like either of us know him," I said.

Joe glanced at Mello, who was waiting impatiently for Mr. Barthel to find the syllabus. His pants were skin tight today. His shirt, although looser, was still tight and striped with different shades of black. He flipped his hair slightly, shifting his weight to one leg. I turned back to Joe as he began to speak. "Maybe it's the way he holds himself. I mean it's easier to tell now. Most of us have met someone gay before."

"Those are stereotypes," I protested. "It's not like he's wearing a rainbow shirt or anything. It isn't fair to label him."

Joe gave me a look. "Why are you so defensive about this?"

"I… um," I stuttered, not sure why I was getting so defensive or what to say. Luckily Michelle came to my rescue, intervening.

"Who cares if he's gay? It's not as if there are no gay guys in the school, they just tend to not be out, you know?"

"I don't _care_," Joe said as Mr. Barthel finally handed Mello the syllabus. "I was just saying what I heard. He is kind of feminine."

Before anything else could be said Mr. Barthel started talking. "Okay everyone, Mello is going to be joining the class and he needs a lab partner. Now who is my group of three?"

I raised my hand along with Joe and Michelle, hardly daring to hope.

"Alright…Michelle would you work with him?"

My heart sunk. There went my perfect opportunity. I looked at Michelle, who was glancing at Joe. She looked back at Mr. Barthel and said "Well, I could…unless Matt wanted to work with him."

Eyes were suddenly on me, and all I could manage was a nod. I didn't know if Michelle had declined because she wanted to work with Joe or if she had noticed my preoccupation with him, but I didn't really care. Mr. Barthel started talking but I wasn't listening; instead I watched Mello as he walked toward me. He met my eyes and smiled slightly, taking a seat on my other side. "Mello," he said, as if I hadn't managed to catch his name.

"Matt," I replied, not looking away.

He didn't look away either. "Nice to meet you, Matt."

Having Mello as my partner opened so many doors. I could talk to him about our labs and assignments and our upcoming test in a week. The next morning, though, he didn't say anything, although he did give me a small smile before pulling out his homework.

I dropped into my seat in chemistry the next day, anxious. I watched the clock as a minute passed, and then Mello appeared in the doorway. He sat beside me, dropping his books on the desk and facing me. "Hey."

"Hey," I said, looking at him.

"Are you good at chemistry? I don't find it particularly challenging, but the math sometimes throws me off."

I nodded. "I'm better with numbers than with words."

"We should make a good team then," he said.

When class was over we both stood, collecting our books and walking towards the door. "You have lunch now, right?" he asked. I was a bit surprised by the sudden question but nodded. "I thought I saw you yesterday. Can I sit with you? I don't really know anyone at lunch, and you were sitting alone yesterday."

"Yeah, sure." I was surprised I hadn't noticed that we had lunch together, but I suppose I had never been paying that close attention. Lunch was big after all, but it was just my luck that neither Joe nor Michelle had it with me. We both got our food in silence and sat down at my usual table.

People around us were staring, some whispering to each other. Mello looked uncomfortable and I rolled my eyes. "Don't mind them. You're new; it'll die down in another week or so."

"Yeah…" he seemed distracted and said nothing more about it, abruptly changing the subject. "You're always playing that game when I get to school. You're a gamer, then?"

I nodded enthusiastically. "I love video games. They steal a lot of my time."

"I figured. I was never that good at them, although shooter games can be fun. I can't stand those long, plot driven things though."

"Come on, RPGs are awesome," I defended. "And you cannot say that Zelda isn't a kickass game."

"Never played it."

I stared at him in shock. "Never? Well you're going to have to try it! No one can go through life without playing Zelda. It is a classic."

He waved his hand dismissively. "Sure, sure. I don't have a means to play it though, so I suppose I'm out of luck."

"Don't think you're getting off that easily," I warned. "You'll have to play at some point."

He smiled slightly. "I've never seen you talk this much."

I blinked at him, shifting slightly in my seat. "Well it's not as if we have that many classes together or anything."

"You never talk this much with that girl by your locker in the morning," he pointed out.

I shrugged. "You brought up video games. This is my natural response to the topic."

He chuckled. We ate, making occasional small talk until the bell rang. We walked to English then separated, going to our seats. I couldn't help but snicker when Mello corrected one of our classmate's answers. He met my eyes across the room and I smiled.

I'd have to thank Michelle later.

The next morning Mello showed up early, sitting at his locker. "Hello, Matt."

"Hey, Mello."

I went back to my game, looking up a few minutes later when I noticed Mello was just sitting there. "No homework?" I asked him.

"No. Finished it all last night," he said, pulling a chocolate bar from his pocket. I saved my game and put it in my locker, opting to speak with him instead. "Wow, my simple presence was enough to make you put down your game? I'm shocked."

"Ha-ha," I said. "Why did you come so early if you had no homework to do?"

He shrugged. "Why do you come so early if you just sit there and play your game?"

I said nothing. We sat in silence for several minutes as he finished his chocolate bar, crumpling up the wrapper and tossing it on the floor behind him. "Why did you stop going to the cafeteria anyway?" I asked him.

He rolled his eyes. "Those boys in the cafeteria. They're so obnoxious. I'd much rather sit over here. It's quiet, and now I know there's someone around who's not a complete moron."

Oh yes… definitely had to thank Michelle later.


	3. Declarations

Chapter 3: Declarations

The weekend had arrived, which was always a bittersweet thing. On one hand it was a break from schoolwork, and on the other hand it was more time I would end up spending at home. Over the years it had gotten harder to remain at home at all. I couldn't stand the way David treated me, and my dad, while not nearly as bad, wasn't particularly appealing to me either. That's how I found myself currently wandering the streets.

The air had a chill to it which was understandable, as it was nearly the end of October. The past week had been relatively good as I continued to talk with Mello. I found him remarkably easy to talk to, which was strange since I had never found it particularly easy to talk to anyone. I had Joe and Michelle of course and they were great but Mello was different.

I threw that word around a lot when I thought about Mello. Different; separate or distinct from another or others. Unique was another good word, as I had come to see a bit more as we continued talking.

His fashion was different for one, so far from the either preppy or lazy style that governed the school. His hair definitely stood out. There was something very feminine about him, but at the same time you just couldn't mistake him for a female once you felt that attitude coming off of him. It was impossible to describe.

We really did make a good team. He was very good at translating the directions into equations, and I was good at solving them. Together we completed our assignments at a quick pace, often before the rest of the class, giving us more time to talk.

I shivered slightly as the breeze picked up and began heading towards the park, not quite ready to head inside yet. It was a nice afternoon, despite the clouds and the chill in the air. Once I reached the park I sat on one of the deserted swings, mind still focused on Mello.

It was refreshing to have someone to hold a stimulating conversation with. Mello was obviously very intelligent which led to some intriguing debates. Did all friendships occur this naturally? It had taken much longer for me to get this comfortable around Joe and Michelle.

"Hey."

I looked up to see Michelle in front of me. She offered me a smile and sat beside me on a swing. "Hello, Michelle. What brings you out?"

"Nothing in particular, just felt like taking a walk. I like the park and since it's supposed to rain I figured no bratty children would be around." I snorted in amusement as she began to pump her legs, the chains squeaking more loudly the higher she got. "And what about you? I thought you didn't care for the outdoors."

I shrugged, not answering. We were silent for a while, me lost in my own thoughts as she swung. A while later I felt a raindrop and heard a low rumble of thunder. Michelle quickly slowed to a stop. "Come on Matt, it's going to storm. Let's go to that café you like so much."

Not wanting to get rained on I agreed, and we quickly walked to the café, making it inside just before it started pouring. Relieved, we grabbed the only open table. Michelle ordered our drinks and brought them back, sitting across from me.

We sipped our drinks in silence for a little while before Michelle spoke. "So Matt, you're spending a lot of time with Mello lately."

"And you Michelle, are spending a lot of time with Joe."

Her cheeks flushed slightly and I smirked. She took a sip of her mocha, avoiding my eyes. "What's your point?" she asked defensively.

"What's _your_ point?" I threw back at her.

"Nothing! I was just saying, you don't often talk to new people and well…you know the rumors."

"Not you, too," I groaned. Rumors on Mello's sexuality had been running rampant for the past week. I didn't know why everyone seemed so obsessed with his sexuality…if he even was gay he most certainly wasn't the only one. The entire school was aware of the very flamboyant sophomore named Brian…but then again, he didn't have the best reputation or popularity throughout the school…

I didn't want to think about that.

"Matt you know I don't care but…well you know how Brian is treated. And Mello is always getting those same looks, but no one has confirmed it so nothing has happened. I just don't think you always being with him is helping to get rid of the rumors."

I choked on my coffee, coughing abruptly as what she said registered. "What?!"

She held up her hands defensively. "I'm not saying anything! I'm just saying he's very…well, he's in choir with me and…I can't really explain it. He has an amazing voice but it's…Well, you hang out with him. Don't you suspect it?"

I didn't answer but if I was honest with myself I did. Michelle was right about it being hard to explain. It wasn't in the way he talked really, and he didn't go around proclaiming anything…it was just a vibe I got off of him.

The bell above the door sounded and I glanced up only to see the object of our conversation. He had obviously been caught in the storm, though it looked like his jacket had protected him from getting too wet. Strands of his hair not under the protection of his hood fell heavily to his shoulders as he pushed his hood back. He didn't glance around, ordering his drink promptly before he took in the café. His eyes met mine and his lips quirked in what might have been a smile. His eyes slid to Michelle and his expression changed slightly, though I couldn't explain how. Regardless I waved him over, glancing at Michelle to make sure she didn't mind.

"Hey, Mello," I said as he reached our table.

"Hello," Michelle echoed, smiling up at him pleasantly.

"Hello. It's really raining out there," he said, glancing out the window. "It's just my luck that I chose today to walk."

I scooted over in the booth, giving him room to sit. He sat beside me, setting his drink on the table. "Rough luck. Do you normally drive?"

"Yeah. I'd rather not be stuck somewhere in case the weather heads south. Did you guys drive?" he questioned.

"No, we walked over once it started to rain," I told him.

"I'm just glad I wasn't wearing my new leather coat. It was not built to be poured on like this one was."

I glanced at Michelle, who met my eyes briefly before looking back at Mello. The conversation was pleasant for a while, not straying far from the weather and school until Michelle got a text. She pulled out her phone, smiling slightly as she read the message.

"From Joe?" I teased. She ignored me, instead texting him back.

"Joe seems to be a popular guy around school. I'd go for it if you like him," Mello said rather unexpectedly. We both looked at him, staring. He shrugged, as if he hadn't trodden on a subject that was never directly discussed. "He seems to be a nice, good looking guy who isn't nearly as moronic as most people in this district. Don't let someone else snatch him from you."

"Um…I…" she trailed off and looked at me but I didn't know what to say either, and we descended into an awkward silence. Mello didn't seem to notice, finishing his drink and tossing it in the garbage nearby. He raked his fingers through his blond strands, fixing his hair the best he could.

"So the syllabus says we get our chemistry project next week. What do you think he'll make us do?" he asked.

The conversation fell easily into the subject of schoolwork, and soon the rain had let up. We all dispersed, walking together for a bit before going our separate ways and heading home.

Sure Mello didn't listen to girly music or hang out with all girls or talk in that feminine way that gay guys always seemed to but…those were all just stereotypes. It's not as if that is how all gay guys were, and really I just had my suspicions about him.

Would it be weird for me to ask him about it? Probably; we hadn't known each other very long yet. But at the same time, if I asked I wouldn't have to wonder about it anymore, and maybe if he wasn't we could get all those rumors cleared up. After all, I didn't want Mello shunned by the school, especially for something that wasn't even true.

/…/…/…/

"So you and Michelle aren't an item then?" Mello asked on Monday at lunch. I choked on my milk, dimly registering that I seemed to be having a lot of shocking things said to me while drinking lately. Couldn't people wait to say crazy things until I wasn't in the middle of a meal?

"What in the world gave you that idea?" I asked once I had managed to swallow without choking.

"I just see you hanging around her a lot."

"She's just my friend. I've never even thought about her like that! I mean, I suppose she's pretty…I mean Joe seems to think so even if he never says it, but I never even thought about it before!"

"Is that so?" he asked, studying me. "You didn't even notice she was pretty?"

"Where is this even coming from?" I asked. "No I never noticed…never really thought about it. Why, do you think she's pretty?"

He shrugged. "I suppose. As pretty as any of the girls around here."

It was comments like those that really made me wonder. Nobody was sitting at the table with us and I leaned forward, motioning Mello to move closer to me. I noticed a couple of stares but ignored them as Mello leaned in. "I…I was just wondering…" I trailed off, not wanting to be rude, but his gaze encouraged me to go on. "Well there are all these rumors going around…" his eyes narrowed and I winced, backpedaling. "I don't put stock in high school gossip of course, but I just wanted to know for sure, not that I would care either way because it's not like it bothers me! I mean it's not like there's anything wrong with it of course, because well, I mean girls can be annoying, so I can see where you're coming from if that's where you are coming from and…"

"Yes," he interrupted.

I stopped talking abruptly. "Yes?" I asked.

"You're not fucking deaf are you?" he snapped. "I said yes, didn't I?"

"I…no…I mean yes you did and I'm not deaf and…and…okay," I said, shutting up.

"I know about the rumors of course, I'm used to them, even if I'm nothing like that Brian kid. People always seem to be able to tell. I'm not ashamed of it, but people are assholes so I'm not running around declaring how much I like cock or anything."

I didn't quite know what to say to that so I said nothing.

"You're not an asshole though so it's okay if you know," he said, looking just a little uncertain.

"No I'm not, so nothing to worry about from me," I told him.

He smiled slightly. "It's not you I'm worried about…I expect word will get around quickly enough. Your school doesn't seem to be particularly accepting or open minded, unlike my last one."

"I'm sorry," I said quietly.

"Not your fault. Besides, I was glad to get away from there. Just because I was in an accepting community didn't mean there was no drama." He didn't elaborate so I said nothing, and lunch continued as if nothing had happened. Really though, it wasn't that surprising, and I really didn't care. Mello being gay changed absolutely nothing.

/…/…/…/

I went to school the next day in a good mood. My dad and David hadn't been particularly annoying last night and my dad had actually been rather pleasant when I left for school. I was heading towards my locker like normal when I saw it.

It froze me to the spot. In big, blood red letters, painted on Mello's locker were the words "Fuck off fag!" I couldn't move…I couldn't even breathe. I could hardly think, too disgusted with the crude message. How had the news spread so quickly? How could someone say something like that to Mello?

Mello.

I tore my gaze away from the locker when I heard the footsteps behind me. Mello stopped beside me, gazing at the locker with a blank face for a minute before calmly walking forwards and collecting his books. He sat beside his locker, pulling out his homework as if nothing was wrong.

"Mello…"

"Yes Matt?" he asked.

"I…Mello, are you…okay?" I asked hesitantly.

"Why wouldn't I be? I've seen worse than this Matt believe me. These childish jabs won't get to me."

But I noticed how as the halls filled and people stared he began to get tense. I noticed the tension in his jaw as he stared down at his textbook, determined not to react. The warning bell rang and I slowly collected my books, still watching Mello as he slammed his locker shut.

I heard jeering laughter come from beside me and turned to see a group of the jocks that always populated the cafeteria staring at Mello and his locker. "We don't need anymore of you fags here!" One of them yelled obnoxiously.

"Yeah, go back to where you came from, faggot!"

"We obviously don't want you here!"

I noticed his hands clenching tighter around his books and turned back towards the jocks, glare firmly in place. I opened my mouth, ready to scream at them for being such assholes. "Why don't you back off?! Mello didn't do anything to you!"

The hall's volume fell, a hush falling over people in the immediate vicinity. Mello seemed alarmed suddenly, as the jocks moved forward and closer to me.

"Why do you care so much? Since when do you bother sticking up for people?" one of them challenged.

A teacher showed up then, hurrying us along as he looked at the locker disapprovingly. The jocks walked the other way and Mello appeared beside me suddenly. "Don't defend me like that," he growled.

"What?" I asked, astonished.

"Just don't. Do you want them on your case too? These people don't just stop that easily. Back off, I can handle this myself." He stepped away and stalked down the hall.

"Mello!" He didn't pause, and I walked to my next class, Mello's words and the red message burning through my head.

/…/…/…/

Mello didn't say a word to me throughout chemistry despite my many attempts to get his attention. He just stared ahead, listening to the teacher and ignoring the stares from our classmates. They were so obnoxious, the people who kept glancing back at him.

"Mello, I know you can't be okay," I whispered as the lecture began to come to a close. The bell would ring in a couple minutes and I didn't have much time. "That's a really shitty thing for someone to do and you don't deserve to deal with it. I mean you can talk to me."

The bell rang and Mello pulled his books into his arms. "I don't need your help," he said flatly before striding from the room. I watched him go, standing up more slowly and making my way to my locker to exchange my books. Mello's locker was in the process of being cleaned and I avoided looking at it, not wanting to see the blaring message on the locker. How could he stand it? How could he act like it was no big deal?

He was at our usual table at lunch, but there were a lot more eyes on him. I could tell he was tense. His face was stony as I sat by him, casting a weak glare around us before I began eating.

We both ate in silence for a little while before I spoke again. "Mello, what do you mean there's been worse? I mean that's so awful. You can't be okay with that. I mean, you're my friend…What's wrong with defending my friend?"

He slammed his milk down abruptly and I jumped slightly. "The problem is that if you defend me, you'll be the one getting fuck off fag sprayed on your locker and getting stared at and whispered about. It's not your problem so just let it go!" He stood, tossing his trash in the garbage and walking into the hall.

I didn't want him to be mad at me so I finished my last couple of bites and followed him. I could see where he was coming from, but he didn't understand…I never had someone I wanted to defend this much. Figuring he would have gone back to his locker, I headed that way.

I was right; Mello was at his locker. I was surprised that he wasn't alone. I couldn't hear the exchange of words from where I was but it didn't seem to be very pleasant…actually it looked rather heated.

I recognized Nick instantly. He was known as a huge homophobe in the school and I wouldn't be surprised if it was him who sprayed that message on Mello's locker. I quickened my pace as he began to herd Mello backwards against his locker.

"You like dick then you faggot? What's wrong with girls? You not man enough to satisfy them? You look like a fucking chick yourself," he growled, shoving Mello backwards. His back hit the lockers and Nick took another step forward. "Too scared to fight back?"

"I don't need to defend myself against someone as pathetic as you. You couldn't get a prostitute to suck you off. At least I can get some." He smirked.

"How dare you?! You're not worth the dirt on my shoes and you talk back to me?! My parents are some of the wealthiest in this town-"

Mello chuckled. "What an accomplishment. What are you, upper middle class? Back off, I don't have time for ignorant asses like you."

"We'll see who's laughing," Nick snarled but I reached them then, grabbing Nick's shoulder and shoving him aside. He turned wildly, eyes finding mine as I took a step towards him.

"Back off, Nick. Don't you have some books to crack open? Or have you given up and realized you'll never take my spot as first?"

"You little punk!" He shoved me backwards now, momentarily forgetting Mello. "Think you're so much better than me? Just you wait, I'll take your spot by the end of the year. You'll be too distracted being his little boy toy to keep up with me."

"We're just friends, jackass," I said, but took a step backward regardless as he came closer. As much as I was for defending Mello, Nick was still bigger than me, and I really was rather hopeless when it came to fights. I just didn't think he would be so eager to start one with lunch so close to being over.

"Yeah sure," he said disbelievingly, taking a couple steps closer. Mello stepped up beside me, scowling at him.

"Back the fuck off, unless you want to get yourself suspended. That won't look good on your pretty record will it?" he sneered.

He glowered at both of us then glanced at the clock. The lunch bell was about to ring. He turned and stormed off, turning the corner and sending us one last glare.

"Asshole," I muttered before being pushed backwards into the lockers. I looked up, bewildered as Mello sneered at me.

"I told you to back off! I don't need or want your help! Get it through your head! I don't need protecting, especially from someone I barely know! It's my business so stay out of it!"

He glared at me before he too stormed off, leaving me confused, angry, and more than a little hurt.


	4. What Is It You Want?

**AN: Sorry about the delay, Valentines Day threw me off. I had to write something for that after all, and now the Olympics have distracted me haha. Regardless enjoy the new chapter!**

/…/…/…/

Chapter 4: What Is It You Want?

I went to school even earlier than normal the next day, anxious to see Mello. I had obviously upset him yesterday and I wanted to defend my actions. I hadn't wanted to make him angry. I certainly did not want Mello to be mad at me. It had kept me up, thinking of how school would be if he was angry with me. I hated the thought.

He had a point though, about me not defending him. It wasn't directly my problem, but Mello was my friend, so it made it my problem. The part that had merit was any attacks being pushed on me. I wasn't a very good fighter, and Mello would probably just be guilty if I got hurt.

But even if he tried to hide it, I could tell the school's reaction bothered Mello. I didn't want him to deal with everything by himself.

"Hey."

I glanced up from my DS which I hadn't bothered to turn on, consumed with thoughts of Mello. He was standing in front of me, not meeting my eyes. "Hey," I said finally.

He turned, putting his bag in his locker and gathering his stuff. "Sorry for yelling yesterday," he said to his locker.

"I understand. I imagine it was hard for you."

"I was fine."

I sighed. "Mello, I could tell you weren't fine. You were tense once people started staring; I could see it."

He glanced at me and then pulled out a couple textbooks and notebook. "Okay, I was a little tense."

"You can tell me if it bothers you, you know," I encouraged.

He slammed his locker door shut and stood there for a moment, not moving. Finally he crossed the hall and sat next to me. I tried not to let him see how much it surprised me, instead watching him as he made himself comfortable. He sat close, but not close enough that we were touching, and I wondered in the back of my mind if he was consciously putting a certain amount of distance between us.

"Okay it does bother me, but I can deal. It's senior year so I only have to tolerate it for a few more months. It bothers me that you jumped in like that." He held up a hand before I could interrupt. "Not bother so much as… makes me nervous," he said, though he didn't seem to want to admit it. "We've only known each other like… a month. That's not long enough for you to get mixed up in the shit I have to deal with."

"I don't care," I told him, turning to face him directly. "In case you didn't notice I'm not the most… social person. You're… I consider you a friend Mello, and I don't call just anyone my friend. I don't want you to be alone here."

"Well as your friend I have the right to not get you involved." My heart fluttered just a little when he said we were friends. Hearing him say it made it so much more real. "I mean it's not so bad to not want my only real friend here to not get hurt is it?"

My heart rate doubled when he said that and smiled at me. "Of… of course not. But I'm here you know? I'm not running away just because people tease me a bit or call me your boy toy."

He scowled. "If they're blind enough to think I'm using you then that's their fucking problem. Don't let their attacks bother you."

I shrugged. "They don't bother me," I reassured. The halls were getting a bit crowded now, as classes got closer to starting. Some people slowed down to look at us but I ignored them, just looking at Mello.

"You sure?" he asked, fully facing me now. "The comments will probably get worse. I'll understand if you want to keep more distance from me."

He looked sincere, and I knew he was right, but I didn't even need to think about it. I had wanted to talk to him, been fascinated with him from the first day he showed up. Somehow I had managed to befriend him, despite my social awkwardness around new people. To let someone so different, so interesting, so…Mello slip through my fingers was utterly ridiculous.

"I'm sure. You're stuck with me."

He smiled then, and I would take all the abuse in the world to keep him smiling.

/…/…/…/

"Alright, class I'm going to pass out the sheet about your projects. This is due next Friday. That's ten days for a small project so I expect it to be done. I am not allotting class time for this so you and your partner will have to do this on your own time. Your own time does not mean during my class, it means after school or over the weekend. If you feel the need to work on this in your other classes then feel free, as long as it is not my lecture you are ignoring." The class chuckled as he handed out the sheets. "Do not think you can mention Batman and pass the project. You will only get a couple points of extra credit."

"He's such a geek," Mello chuckled.

"All right, there are a couple of directions I forgot to put on there so please write them down now. The first…"

Mello reached for his pencil but knocked it on the floor. It landed between us and I bent down to pick it up for him. Our hands met halfway and I glanced up. Our faces were inches apart and our eyes locked. His eyes seemed endless, cerulean and shining with an emotion I couldn't fully identify. I had never really paid that close attention to his eyes before but I deliriously wondered how I couldn't have noticed them. They were beautiful, and I felt myself captured in them, unable and unwilling to look away.

We stayed frozen like that for what felt like an eternity, but in reality it was only a few seconds. His eyes turned calculating, as if looking for something, but a moment later Mr. Barthel rose his voice slightly, telling a group of boys to stay quiet in the back of the class. I pulled my eyes away, hand hovering over his pencil. He slowly picked it up and we both sat back up. I glanced at him from the corner of my eyes, watching as he scribbled down whatever part of the directions he could catch. Mr. Barthel pulled down the overhead and I turned to Michelle to ask for the extra directions. I copied them and handed them to Mello who met my eyes briefly as he took them from me. They sent a jolt through me, and I wondered why I had never noticed his eyes like this before.

/…/…/…/

We agreed to meet the next day after school, since I had work on Friday. The day passed relatively quickly and before I knew it, it was Thursday. We were going over to Mello's house and I couldn't deny I was a little nervous. I had never really met Joe or Michelle's parents…we had never hung out at each other's houses, just met on occasion at movie theatres and the like.

We met at our lockers after school and he led me to his car. The car ride was pretty quiet and it didn't take very long to reach his house. He actually didn't live very far away from me… just a few blocks farther from school. He led me inside and I looked around. It was nice, and clean. It wasn't particularly big but not as small as my own house.

"Want something to drink?" he asked.

"Sure."

I followed him to the kitchen. We both selected drinks and he led me upstairs to his bedroom.

It seemed to suit him. The room was full of books. There were piles of them scattered throughout the room, since his bookshelf was full. He had a stereo with a large stack of CD's beside it, and a small TV in the corner. His desk was kept neat and his bed was made, whether because I was there or because he always made it, I wasn't sure.

He glanced around. "Well, we can sit on the floor. I'll put on some music." I sat on the floor as he put on some rock CD then sat beside me. We said nothing for several minutes, pulling out our notes and books. It wasn't until our elbows bumped that I realized how close we were.

I wanted to shift away, but at the same time I didn't want to move. Mello went straight to business right away, and we discussed the project. It was hard to focus though. Our legs were brushing, and I wasn't sure if he had noticed or if he was just comfortable being around me. I was very aware of how tight his black jeans were today, and the room seemed unbearably warm.

"It's warm in here isn't it?" he asked, as if reading my mind. He pulled off his sweatshirt, leaving him in a skintight shirt, sleeves cutting off right under his shoulder blades. He tossed his sweatshirt on his bed and stretched, and I averted my eyes. "You look hot," he said suddenly and my head snapped up.

"What?!"

"I meant, you look hot, like… you're warm. My room is the warmest in the house so it made sense that you'd be hot… in my room… because of the heater." He was the one to avert his eyes this time and I swallowed thickly, pulling off my sweatshirt as well.

We went back to the project, my focus breaking every time we accidently brushed arms. I was completely aware of him beside me, and I was sure he was aware of me too. I glanced at him to see him watching me, and a brief electricity seemed to pass between us before someone knocked on his door. I tore my gaze away and looked at the door.

"Mello? Can I come in?"

"Yeah, mom," he called, shifting several inches away from me. The door opened and his mom walked in. Her hair was the same shade as Mello's, just slightly longer. She smiled pleasantly at us.

"Hello boys. How is the project coming?"

"Fine, mom," Mello said.

"That's nice. Matt, would you like to stay for dinner?" she asked.

"Um…" I glanced at Mello then looked back at his mom. "Yeah, sure, if I'm not imposing."

"Don't worry dear, we always have leftovers. Dinner will be ready in about an hour." She glanced between us again then gave Mello a look before slowly closing the door.

I looked at Mello whose face was red. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"Nothing, nothing, don't worry about it," he said, looking down at the notes we had taken so far. "Let's just keep working."

So we did, not straying from the topic of our project for nearly an hour. I was leaning down, skimming the textbook when I got an idea for the project. I shifted, turning to make the suggestion to find Mello's face a lot closer than I expected.

He had evidently been leaning in to tell me something and we both froze. I took in his features, from his unblemished skin to his perfect eyes. He was watching me, so close that I could feel the breath from his lips. "Mello…" I started.

"Boys! It's time for dinner!"

I pulled back quickly. I glanced at him to see his eyes averted to the floor. He stood abruptly. "Come on," he said and led me to the kitchen.

Mello's mother and father were both at the table already. His dad was blond too, although his hair was darker than his wife's or Mello's. Glasses were perched on his nose and he turned, giving us a smile. "Well, you must be Matt. Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," I said, letting Mello move past me to take what I assumed was his usual seat before taking the last available chair.

"I do hope you like chicken," his mom said. "If not I made steamed vegetables and mashed potatoes."

"I love chicken," I said, smiling at her.

We began serving ourselves. The food was delicious and the best meal I had eaten in ages.

"So Matt, you're a senior too?" Mello's dad asked. I nodded, not wanting to talk with my mouth full. "Have you applied to college yet?"

"Yes, all my applications are done. I'm just waiting to hear the results and hoping for a lot of scholarships so I can pay for school."

He chuckled. "Yes, we're hoping for that too. We'd manage with some loans but free money would be nice. I'm not worried though, Mello was going to be salutatorian at his old school, so I'm sure he'll have a high rank before graduation."

"Wow, salutatorian? That's impressive," I said, looking at Mello.

"It's not valedictorian," he muttered. "That brat didn't even deserve to be first. I took harder classes than he did, just because I got an A- in calculus. He thinks he is so great." His hands were clenching around his fork, eyes narrowed.

I quickly changed the subject. "Did you apply for college yet?" I asked him.

He seemed to calm down slightly. "Yes."

"Which ones?" He told me and I couldn't help but smile. "Really? I applied to all those places too! What are the odds?"

Dinner ended quickly after that and we agreed to finish up on Saturday since it was getting late. He led me upstairs so I could get my stuff. I was pulling my books and notes into my backpack and glanced up at Mello who was leaning against the door. He was watching me, eyes boring into mine, so I looked away quickly. I gathered the rest of my things and stood, grabbing my sweatshirt. "Well… see you tomorrow," I said, coming to a stop in front of him.

He nodded. "Yeah. See you tomorrow."

He hadn't put his sweatshirt on yet, and my eyes trailed down him of their own accord. I looked back up to meet his eyes, eyes that were smoldering with something I was starting to be able to recognize. I leaned closer without thinking about it, letting my gaze inspect his hair, just slightly mussed from when he took off his sweatshirt. I took in his skin, the curve of his nose, his lips which weren't quite smiling, but not frowning either. I looked into his eyes again, just noticing I had gravitated closer once more. "Mello." My voice came out quiet, almost a whisper. He was gorgeous. No one could deny that. I loved how smart he was, how easy it was to talk to him, how easy it was to _be_ with him. I loved how I felt about myself when I was with him…like I actually _mattered_.

He leaned forward a bit. "What is it you want, Matt?" he breathed.

My breath came out as a small gasp, too many emotions filling me at one time. This wasn't what I was expecting, never what I was expecting. I was confused but so sure of… something at the same time. "I… I want…" I trailed off. I couldn't think with him so close to me. I felt like I was being pulled in two different directions. I was completely overwhelmed. "I want…" I trailed off again, not able to quite form any coherent thoughts besides yes and no, both pulling me in separate directions so hard I couldn't think. "I don't know," I whispered finally.

He pulled away, taking several steps backwards. His eyes were icy now, a small scowl forming on his face. "I can't decide that for you."

"Mello-"

"I'm not playing this fucking game with you Matt," he growled. "_This_ is not a fucking game!"

"I'm sorry," I muttered, looking away, not wanting to see that glare directed at me anymore. I pulled my backpack on fully, scurrying past him. "I'm sorry, I'll go, I'll…" I glanced at him once more then hurried into the hall and towards the stairs.

"God damn it!" I heard him hiss behind me, accompanied by a loud thump, presumably from him hitting something. I moved down the stairs quickly and fled outside, walking quickly towards home and trying to ignore the burning behind my eyes.


	5. Changes

**AN: You can thank 0-Kelly-0 for the early update. We pretty much bribed each other, and this is my half of the deal. Enjoy the new chapter!**

/…/…/…/

Mello didn't show up early the next day like he usually did. I tried to focus on my game but I kept looking up, expecting him to appear like he would any other day. I sighed after scanning the halls once more, looking down at my DS without actually playing it.

I had really screwed up last night.

But I was straight, or I had always thought I was. I mean, I had noticed girls before… not much but I had been interested in several over the course of my life. That counted for something, didn't it? I had never found myself looking at another guy until Mello strolled into my life.

The keyword in that statement was _until_. I couldn't try to deny it; I had felt something with Mello last night. I had felt a connection with him ever since I first saw him in the hall, but I hadn't deeply considered it until recently. I had never thought of him in terms other than friends.

But once he told me he was gay… it changed things. I insisted nothing was different but it was different. He was different… not Mello himself, but he was different to me.

It scared me. I didn't want to be gay. It didn't matter that I had nothing against people who were, that I actually despised people who spoke out against them. I still did not want to be gay.

But I suppose no one is one-hundred percent straight, me included. Mello…he was so intelligent, caring, and… I couldn't deny it, gorgeous. Perhaps sexy was a better word?

It was then that I finally spotted him down the hall. He stood by the window, beams of sunlight scattered across his face. His eyes were distant, as if he were thinking, and I couldn't help but stare at him.

No, gorgeous would work.

His eyes suddenly focused, meeting mine only a second before they were gone. He strode to his locker, not giving me a second glance, and gathered his books. He slammed his locker closed with more force than necessary and I winced. He turned and stalked off, presumably towards his first class.

I had really, really fucked everything up.

I'd finally found an amazing friend, someone I actually trusted, and I had messed it up.

The warning bell rang and I sighed, standing slowly and walking towards my first class. I hoped the tension would dissipate. Not only did I want to fix things, but we still had a project to finish, and this tension was not going to help us complete it.

/…/…/…/

It didn't. If anything, the tension only grew worse when we sat beside each other in chemistry. I tried to catch his eyes but he looked ahead stubbornly. Finally I gave up, letting my eyes fall to the table. I ignored Michelle, who was mouthing "what's wrong?" at me, instead doodling morosely in my notebook.

I didn't know what to do… wasn't exactly sure what I felt. It wasn't that strange for a guy to find another guy attractive was it?

I knew I was kidding myself. Maybe if I had just admired his looks then I could brush it off, but my obsession with him since I'd first seen him was an obvious sign that I was feeling something deeper. It was scary though… I'd never even considered being with a guy before, and suddenly Mello was just there and he's so…

I'd never felt about someone so strongly in my entire life.

The magnitude of these feelings frightened me, especially since I had only known him for about a month. But I could sort this out later, at home. Right now we still had a project to finish, and I needed to try to talk to him before he brushed me off completely.

"Mello," I said softly as the lecture ended. I still had two minutes before the bell rang. He glanced at me finally, and it was then that I realized that I didn't know what I wanted to say. I just looked at him, too nervous to speak, too intimidated to move.

"What?" he spat finally and I flinched.

I looked down, eyes focused on the table. "Um… well, last night…" I looked up again but the glare was still there and the words wouldn't come. I didn't know what to say about last night. I didn't know how to do this, how to handle these… these romantic things. I'd never done it before. "Um, well," I stuttered, trying to fill the silence.

"I have nothing to say to you right now," he stated, standing abruptly as the bell rang.

"Mello, wait," I pleaded, following him out the door. "Mello, if we could just talk about this-"

"There's nothing left to say," he interrupted, spinning suddenly to face me. "You _don't know_ right? For someone as open minded as you…never mind. It doesn't matter. I was there last night Matt, and there's nothing else to say about it."

"But Mello-"

He turned around. "I told you this wasn't a game. I'm not some…experiment or something, okay?"

"What?" I asked incredulously. "That's not it at all! I'm just…I'm confused. I've never… you know…"

"Sorry I'm not a girl Matt," he spat viciously and I took a step backwards. He stalked towards his locker and didn't look back. Hanging my head in defeat, I walked to the cafeteria, getting my lunch and sitting at our normal table. It probably wasn't our normal table anymore.

It was true, the only reason I was being weird was because we were both guys. I'm sure it must hurt for him too, but couldn't he give me a break? He knew he was gay, and I didn't know anything anymore. I didn't know anything.

But there was no point in figuring it out. I had ruined everything. I sank lower in my seat, just staring at my food. I had ruined any chances that I had with any relationship. I had messed up our friendship because of it. I had lost him so quickly.

I supported my head with one of my hands, pushing my potatoes across my tray listlessly. I had made him angry. If I could have just said something, even if it was no, we would still be friends now. I had ruined it, and that was all there was to it. He didn't seem interested in making up, and I couldn't make him.

My heart clenched and throat tightened at the thought of not having him in my life anymore. I thought I had found someone to finally be close with. I thought I had someone I could share things with… but I had made him angry. He probably hated me now.

A tray was set down opposite of me and I looked up. Mello was there, sitting down across from me like usual. I just gaped at him. He wasn't looking at me; he was just eating his food. Should I say something? Or was he just sitting here to scarf down his meal?

"When is your shift Saturday? We still need to finish the project."

My heart sank. He just cared about his grade. Well it made sense, he'd seemed angry with me in the hall just ten minutes ago. Why else come over here? I looked back down at the table, not wanting to meet his eyes anymore. "It starts at noon and I'm done at four thirty."

"Fine. Let's finish at your house; my parents are having company Saturday evening."

My heart skipped a beat and I looked up quickly. "No, we can't at my house," I said, wildly trying to find an excuse in my mind. We had company too? David was sick? Nothing I could think of seemed realistic and it all sounded like an excuse.

"Why not?" his voice held an edge now, and I realized lying was pointless. The less details though, the better.

"It just won't work, okay?" I said, voice lowering.

"Well, my parents have important company from work coming at four and I don't want to interrupt them, and the library closes early so it has to be at your house!"

"It can't be!" I snapped. He looked surprised at my outburst and I softened my voice again. "Look, my family isn't very… good… with company. It wouldn't work. It just… it wouldn't be good," I told him, my voice almost pleading now. "Just… please trust me on this Mello. We can't go there. We can't."

He studied me for a few moments then sighed. "Fine, we'll work it out at my house. Be there at five."

I thanked him and we sat there in silence for the rest of lunch, not speaking or making eye contact until the bell rang when I looked up. He spared me a quick glance, then stood and left.

It was progress, I guess.

/…/…/…/

Mello was waiting outside his door when I arrived at his house, and he silently led me to his room. I got a peek at the other guests. They were dressed formally and they were all seated around the kitchen table. It was probably his mom or dad's boss and his wife there for dinner.

We went straight to work, focusing on the project. He didn't sit very close to me this time, and I found myself disappointed. I wanted to fix this, but I wasn't sure how. He was angry… it was probably too late.

"Why couldn't we use your house Matt?" Mello asked a while later, voice soft.

"What? Well…" I could have lied or brushed it off like at lunch by not giving a straight answer, but telling him something could be a step in the right direction, a step towards fixing this. A condensed version couldn't hurt, could it? "It's just me, my dad, and my brother David. They... well they drink a lot, and they're just really obnoxious, especially Friday and Saturday nights. My dad would blare the stereo and David would just, he'd be there being annoying and, well you know. We couldn't focus much like that."

"It was only five when we met up though," he said slowly.

I shrugged. "Exactly, it was five."

We dropped the subject after that, going back to work on the project. A couple hours later we were finally done. It was almost eight and I sighed to myself. The tension was still there, but it didn't seem so bad. I had just started collecting my things when Mello interrupted me. "Do you want to stay? You couldn't eat at Gamestop and we didn't eat…we could order pizza or something."

I smiled slightly. "Pizza sounds great."

Mello placed an order and we sat in his room. He turned on the radio, taking away from the silence. We just sat there listening to the radio for a little while before he spoke. "So has Michelle done anything about Joe yet?"

Inside I sighed with relief. A normal conversation… he had started it. Maybe there was still hope. "Not yet. She's afraid of ruining their friendship, plus she doesn't have the best self esteem."

"Joe has quite a few friends though, a lot of them female. I'm sure other people like him."

I nodded. "Probably, but Michelle is his best friend. I think if she'd just tell him everything would work out."

"Yes, just telling usually works out for the best. It's better than hiding it." He met my eyes and I glanced away uncertainly. If that's how he felt, why didn't he say something to me? I couldn't be reading the signs wrong. There was something there, from his end too. By saying that though, did it mean he didn't feel the same?

I forced myself to calm down, quickly coming to the conclusion that I was overanalyzing the statement. I wanted to work up to normal, and then wait for the right moment. I couldn't just blurt out everything like this, still unsure when we were both tense. If I said something when I wasn't completely positive and it didn't work out, it would ruin everything.

The topic moved to colleges and our top choices. Our top choice was the same, although the list varied after that. This could be a very good thing.

"So you need scholarships to get there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I told him. "I can't afford it otherwise, and I won't settle for something local. I want to get out of here." _'Away from them,_' I added to myself.

"What are you ranked again? First?" I nodded. "You're sure to get plenty of scholarships, even when I take your spot."

"Oh really? You're going to take my spot?"

He smirked. "Undoubtedly. No offense to you of course, you're very intelligent, but I'm even more competitive, and I want to be number one more than anything."

I shrugged. "Good thing I'm not very competitive then."

He looked surprised. "Really? But you were bragging to Nick about being better than him."

I snorted. "Nick is a pompous asshole, of course I bragged to him. I study of course, but I'll admit I'm more likely to play my games than study for a stupid test. I always do well anyway, and all my grades are high."

He smirked. "So we'll see who comes out on top after finals."

"Mello, the pizza is here!" his mother called from downstairs.

We went downstairs to eat the pizza, and the conversation continued, relaxed. By the time we were finished it was after ten, but Mello assured me that if we were quiet then it was fine if I stayed a while later.

We sat upstairs in his room, making idle conversation. It wasn't forced, and I quickly found myself learning more about him. He had no problem mentioning his likes and dislikes, but he skirted around his previous home and school. I couldn't help but wonder what had happened.

It was almost midnight by the time I began gathering my stuff to head home, thoroughly satisfied that things were going to be okay.

"Hey Matt, want me to walk you home? Or I could drive, but it's only a couple blocks down."

"Sure," I said, smiling. He quickly bundled up then stepped outside.

Snow was falling softly from the sky in big flakes towards the ground. The cement was only wet, but the grass had a dusting of snow on the surface. "First snow of the season," I remarked quietly as we began walking. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yes… it is." I took my eyes off the sky and turned towards Mello to see him looking at me. I blushed slightly, but he must not have noticed since I was already flushed from the cold. I glanced at the sky again, the streetlights causing the snow to sparkle in the light. It was silent, save for our footsteps on the ground. No one was on the road; it was just us and the snow.

I glanced at him out of the corner of my eyes to see that he too was watching the sky. His cheeks were slightly red from the cold and his hair had several snowflakes nestled in it. I could see his breath in the air and he turned back to look at me, a small smile on his lips.

"Mello," I said quietly before thinking about it. We were almost at my house already and I slowed my pace to a stop. He paused, turning around to face me properly. "Mello," I said again, softer this time.

He took a step closer, face illuminated better under the glow of the streetlight. "Yes, Matt?"

I just took him in… took all of him in. I remembered the distress I had felt when he had been angry, and how easy it had been to slip back to normal. How easy it was to be around him, how quickly I had grown attached to him, and how often I thought about him when he wasn't around. I realized suddenly that it was pointless to keep putting it off… to keep pretending I wasn't feeling something when I so obviously was. I took a step closer, so we were nearly touching now. "I think…" I said quietly, hesitantly reaching out to rest a hand on his arm. He didn't move so I took it as a positive sign, tightening my grip just slightly. "I think I know what I want now."

"Are you sure?" he asked, searching my face for any doubt.

"Yes."

"Well," he said when I made no further move. "I've known what I wanted for a while now."

"Yeah?" I asked, instantly embarrassed with how eager I sounded.

He didn't comment on it though, just nodded and tilted his head slightly closer. "Yeah."

I leaned in then paused. "Can I…?"

"Yes," he breathed, and I closed the distance, touching my lips to his. He responded instantly, our lips moving against each other's slowly. His lips were so soft, softer than I thought they would be. And they were so warm, so very warm. A desire hit me for more, so much more. I wanted more of him and knew with stunning clarity that it would never be enough. I pulled away slowly, breathless. His head was still tilted, lips parted slightly and eyes closed.

"Mello?" I asked quietly after several terrifying seconds when he didn't move. Finally he opened his eyes, looked at me, and smiled.

"Matt, what took you so long?" He didn't wait for a response, lunging forward and capturing my lips with his again.

It was just as well, after that I had no idea what had been holding me back.


	6. Between Us

Chapter 6: Between Us

Mello kissed me goodnight and I wandered inside in a daze. As I has suspected the stereo was blaring from the living room, the walls shaking from the vibrations. I could hear my dad stumbling around the living room, practically shouting along with the lyrics. David was digging through the fridge and emerging with a beer as I started to pass him. He reached for me, slurring so badly I couldn't understand him. I simply dodged past him, quickening my pace as he fell against the counter. He followed me but I closed and locked my door.

He pounded on it for a bit but I ignored him, walking towards my bed and falling backwards onto it. I allowed my hand to trace my lips and my smile grew.

I was with Mello. We were together. I was dating Mello.

"I'm dating Mello," I whispered, the words filling me with a warm happiness that I had never felt before. I said it again, louder. "I'm dating Mello." My smile grew without permission, though I did nothing to hold it back.

No one had made me feel this way before. Sure, I'd have a few crushes on a couple girls in my life, but I had never really dated anyone. I'd also never felt a pull towards a girl before…not like this.

I didn't know what this feeling was exactly, all I knew was I was no longer confused, and I was happy. I liked Mello. I felt no shame thinking it, and no confusion either. It was undeniable now. It took until he told me he was gay for me to really start seeing him in another way.

The uncertainty and confusion that had plagued me since then was completely gone now. I'd never had a problem with gay people before, it just took me a little while to come to terms with the fact that _I_ had found another guy attractive. It seemed silly to worry about something like gender when I had Mello.

Mello…

The stupid grin spread again and I rolled off my bed. I tossed my shirt and jeans to the floor and pulled off my goggles, setting them on my dresser. I was actually excited for Monday, so I could get to school early.

So I could see my_ boyfriend._

I curled up in bed and stared up at the ceiling for several minutes before closing my eyes, already excited for school. Now I had another reason to look forward to the school week.

"I'm dating Mello." I closed my eyes and fell asleep, smile still on my face.

/…/…/…/

I sat at my locker on Monday, anxiously awaiting Mello's arrival. Sunday had passed slowly, my dad and David both unpleasant due to their hangovers. I had stayed in my room most of the day, trying to focus on my games. My mind had kept drifting back to Mello though.

Today I'd finally get to see him again.

I fiddled with my DS as I sat at my locker, looking up every couple of minutes. It wasn't my fault I was so excited…he was my first real relationship after all.

I wasn't sure what the unofficial rules were with a relationship were. Didn't everyone always say you were supposed to wait a certain amount of time before calling or texting? I hadn't done either of those things all day, and he hadn't contacted me either. Was it two days you were supposed to wait, or a week? I'd never understood the unwritten rule and was thankful we had school together so I didn't have to worry about it.

I'd see him at least five days a week after all.

He finally showed up a few minutes later. He smiled at me when he reached his locker. "Hey," he said, turning to put away his backpack and pull out the books he needed. He crossed the hall and sat beside me.

"Hey," I repeated. I leaned closer, wanting to kiss him, but he suddenly looked very alarmed and pushed me back. He scooted away several inches, looking around the empty hall. "Mello?" I asked, slight hurt and confusion lacing my tone. Had I been wrong on Saturday night? I couldn't see how I could have been wrong…

"No Matt, it's not that," he said, even though I hadn't said anything. I must have looked dubious because he continued talking. "Really it's not! I promise. It's just…I don't think we should be…out at school," he whispered so softly I could barely hear him.

"But why?" I asked, good mood dissipating.

He glanced around again. "Let's talk about it after school alright? I'll drive you to work. It will be quicker than walking so we can talk in the car before your shift okay?"

I nodded silently. Mello reached forward and gave my hand a quick squeeze before opening his English book.

We didn't speak after that except to exchange goodbyes and go our separate ways. I found it hard to focus in class. I didn't understand. Mello and I were a thing now. We were together. He had wanted us to be together. Everyone already knew he was gay so that couldn't be it. Why did he want us to hide it?

"Something bothering you?" Joe asked me as sociology began to draw to a close. I looked at the clock, startled, not noticing that class had almost been over. "Matt?" I looked at Joe and shook my head.

"No, I'm fine."

He didn't seem to believe me. "You sure? I mean you can tell me, it's no big deal."

"Really, it's nothing," I reassured. "Don't worry about it."

He shrugged and turned towards Michelle, tapping her on the shoulder. She turned towards him and smiled immediately. They quickly became engaged in a very intense conversation which momentarily pulled my thoughts away from Mello. Michelle was so obviously interested and I was pretty sure Joe was too. Why didn't they just start dating?

But thinking about anyone dating made me think about Mello and I dating, but not telling anyone.

I was wandering out the door, still thinking about Mello, when Joe caught up with me. "Hey Matt! Hold up!" I slowed my pace so he could catch up as Michelle scurried past. Her next class was on the other side of the school and she always had to jog to make it while Joe and I had classes near sociology. I followed him across his hall to his locker.

"What's up?" I asked when he just stared into his locker without moving to switch his books. He blinked and grabbed his History book, tossing his sociology stuff in his locker and slamming the door shut. He kicked it when it wouldn't close all the way and took a slow breath, glancing around the halls before turning towards me.

"I was wondering, what do you think of Michelle?"

I rolled my eyes. "Would you just ask her out already? You're pretty much dating anyway."

"We are not."

"You are. I'm like a third wheel with you guys, so just ask her out somewhere," I told him.

He looked uncomfortable. "Look, we don't mean anything by it-"

"It's not a big deal, I'm just saying, go for it," I interrupted.

He still seemed unsure as we began walking down the hall. He paused at the door of his class and turned around to face me. "I don't know," he said slowly. "I mean it could turn out weird…we're friends you know?"

"Don't worry about that. You don't have obstacles in your way besides being scared to say anything. Just tell her."

He didn't look convinced but walked into class anyway. I envied him just because once he and Michelle got together, they could actually be public about it. They wouldn't have to hide it like I had to hide it. It wasn't fair.

Things stayed weird with Mello for the rest of the day. Mello tried to act like everything was normal but the tension between us began to increase. We held normal conversations but there was an undercurrent of annoyance to it, at least on my part. Mello had been the one who tried to initiate something, and he had been the one to make it clear that he wanted me. I didn't understand why after all that he didn't want anyone to know.

He led me to his car at the end of the day in silence. I slammed the car door shut harshly and he cringed slightly but said nothing, starting the car. He pulled out of his parking space and began to drive.

The silence was stifling but neither of us made to break it. It didn't take long before we were nearing my work and he pulled over near a park, turning off his car and unbuckling his seatbelt. He turned to face me and took a deep breath. "So."

"So," I echoed, pulling off my own seatbelt and turning towards him. He sighed.

"Matt, I didn't mean anything by it. Just let me explain."

"I'm listening."

"I don't want us to be public at school," he stated bluntly. I stared at him for a moment but he was unwavering with no hesitation on his face.

"Why not?" I asked.

"You saw how people reacted when they found out I was gay. It would be so much worse if we were dating. You can't imagine what those stares feel like. I know I brush them off but at first the disgusted looks and the words really hurt. It's not easy and we'll be gone in six months so-"

"Exactly!" I interrupted. "I can deal with it for six months! I don't want this to be some secret thing so we barely get to even be together."

Mello's eyes were hard and unrelenting. "Well I don't want you to deal with it. Come on Matt, a couple days ago you weren't sure you wanted to date me at all! You can't expect me to believe that you're ready to just announce this to the school."

"Oh give me a break Mello. I've never thought about a guy this way until you. I was confused and I didn't want to like you, but I got over it. It's a little weird but…" I trailed off.

"What?"

"It doesn't feel wrong," I said slowly. "Being with you doesn't feel wrong. I'm not ashamed of it. I mean, isn't it my own business, when I come out to people?"

He glared at me. "Not when it's me that you're dating. I can stop this right now, Matt. I can tell you we're done and then if you come out it's all for nothing because we're not dating anymore." I just gaped at him, hurt that he would honestly end this so soon after it had begun, and over something so trivial.

"I can't believe you," I said when he didn't say anything. "You would really do that just because I want people to know? Fuck you then," I growled, opening the door. "I'm not going to take this shit from you. If you're so willing to break it off then it's pointless to continue whatever this is." I slammed the door and stalked off towards work but heard his door slam and the sound of rushing footsteps. He grabbed my arm and jerked me to a stop.

"Matt."

I tried to pull myself out of his grasp but he held on tightly. "Let go, someone might see," I said bitterly.

"Try to understand this from my point of view!" he growled. "You meet some amazing, interesting boy who seems to be straight, but you're interested in him. Slowly he seems to be showing interest too but he's never liked another guy before and is confused. Finally you make progress, but at the same time you've been harassed by homophobes at school and you don't want him to deal with that too. Plus he's new, he doesn't understand what it feels like and he doesn't fully understand his own feelings yet. Do you think he should out himself to a bunch of homophobes when he's still unsure?"

"I am sure," I said softly. "Not about everything, but that that I feel something for you."

"But can you see it from my point of view?" he pushed.

I sighed. "Yes."

His eyes had softened now, and he slowly took my hand in his. "I'm not going to break up with you if you really want to come out, but I am asking you, as your boyfriend, to do this for me and keep it between us, just for now."

I didn't say anything for a minute but finally, I nodded. "Okay, but just for now. I don't want to hide it forever."

He smiled and squeezed my hand. "Of course not. Just wait a while, okay? Figure everything out first. It's confusing at first, there's no need to rush you know?"

I nodded slowly. There was no need to rush. This was brand new, so we didn't have to rush to make ourselves public. We had plenty of time to figure everything out.

I was sure everything would be fine.

/…/…/…/

**AN: Wow what a great response to the last chapter! Thanks everyone so much, you're all awesome. Oh look, the drama has started. This is far from over so stay tuned!**


	7. Progress

**AN: I now have more people asking if they can bribe me haha. Well if any of you guys DO want to bribe me to write faster, all you need to do is write some Matt/Mello yourself xD The community has been a bit lacking lately, with fluff in particular. Maybe I'd be inspired ;)**

/…/…/…/

Chapter 7: Progress

It was a long day at work after that particular conversation. I kept running the conversation over in my mind, trying to decide exactly how I felt about it.

I could see Mello's point of view. I knew that I wasn't exactly sure about everything, and I admit I was apprehensive about the school's reaction, but I wanted to be with Mello. Sneaking around and hiding relationships had never seemed to work out for anybody and I highly doubted it would turn out any better for us. The backlash would be worse if someone saw us and spread it around school wouldn't it?

I sighed to myself, thinking about the small argument we had just had. Even if Mello said he wouldn't break up with me if I wanted to come out, it still hurt that he had suggested it.

It was out of concern I knew; he wouldn't be with me if he was ashamed of me. It was sweet, but at the same time I didn't want to hide it like I was ashamed of it. I could deal with it. I had to be able to deal with it, for him.

But he had asked me to not say anything, and so I wouldn't. Hopefully with time I would grow more comfortable with everything, and he'd let me tell people. What threw me most is that now things would just be so…ordinary. I mean if we couldn't kiss, it was like we weren't even dating. That was my biggest concern…could this really last if we were never actually together?

I left work several hours later, spent not from the work, but from the same questions repeating themselves in an endless loop in my mind. It was snowing slightly and I had resigned myself to a long, cold walk home when I saw him.

Mello was leaning against the door of his car, watching me. I just stared at him a moment before walking towards him. He nodded towards the passenger door so I got in. It was warm in the car, which I was very thankful for. Mello climbed in himself, smiled, and leaned over to kiss me gently on the lips. He pulled back, smiling. "Hey."

I couldn't stop my own smile from emerging. "Hey. How long have you been here? I didn't tell you when I got off work."

He shrugged. "About an hour," he said as he put the car in drive and pulled out of the parking lot. "I saw you getting your coat so I got out to make sure you saw me. It's snowing after all; you'll make yourself sick wandering outside in this weather."

"You waited an hour for me?" I questioned. He said nothing. I suspected he might be embarrassed but it was dark and my eyes hadn't fully adjusted yet, so I couldn't see his face clearly. "Thank you."

"Not a problem," he said dismissively.

He turned, driving into the park instead of continuing towards either of our houses. He drove slowly until we came to a rather secluded parking area. It was deserted, as a park typically is at nine during winter, and he pulled into a parking space and turned off the car.

There was silence a few moments before he undid his seatbelt and leaned towards me. I leaned back a bit, apprehension rising in my chest. "What are you doing?" I asked.

He smirked. "Making up for that kissing we couldn't do at school." He didn't let me say any more, capturing my chin with his hand and leaning in to place his lips against mine.

His lips felt too good to deny, so I leaned into his touch and kissed back, moving my lips slowly against his. Encouraged, he shifted closer, using his free hand to unbuckle my seatbelt. Free of the restraint, I turned to face him more fully.

We kissed slowly like this for a little while before he pushed me back slightly. I complied, and he climbed around the gearshift so he was right beside me. He was practically on my lap but I didn't really mind. It was much easier to reach him this way.

His tongue ghosted across my lips and I parted them hesitantly. His tongue snaked out to meet mine and my hands drifted to his sides as his tongue slowly explored my mouth. Much to my embarrassment I had never done this before but he didn't seem to mind. He took it slow and it didn't take particularly long for me to catch on.

And I felt like, at that moment, that this secret relationship thing really could work.

/…/…/…/

"Hey Matt."

I smiled up at the blond as he reached his locker. "Hey."

He gathered his things then sat beside me, opening his math book and pulling out a sheet of paper. I went back to my game and we fell into silence. It was a little awkward, acting so distant when we were now dating, but I was doing my best to brush it off. Mello had very good points and I could deal with it.

For a while, the first day was almost normal. We held casual conversation throughout the day and I managed to relax. This wasn't bad at all…it wasn't all that different from how we would act if we were out, except the lack of physical contact.

By the time we got to the cafeteria for lunch, I thought I could handle everything fine.

Then as we were walking towards are tables, Nick bumped into Mello from behind harshly, sending his tray clattering to the ground to land in a mess at his feet. "Fag," he growled, making to walk past.

I stuck my foot out before thinking about it and tripped him, sending Nick falling face first to the floor. His face avoided the spilled food, unfortunately, but his legs got covered in mashed potatoes and gravy and I supposed it would have to do.

The cafeteria had grown rather quiet, and Nick positively snarled as he climbed to his feet. "You little shit!" he spat as he rushed towards me. Before he could reach me though, his foot slipped on the mashed potatoes and he was sent flying onto his back. The cafeteria erupted with laughter.

"Might want to work on your balance a bit before you try to mess with people," Mello chuckled, looking down at Nick.

I'd never seen Nick so furious before. He scrambled to his feet and took a step closer, but glanced at a teacher that was slowly approaching out of the corner of his eye. "You'll fucking regret that Jeevas," he spat in a hushed voice.

"Doubt it," I snapped back.

He stormed past me, this time bumping _my_ shoulder as he went by. I stumbled against Mello who steadied me as he watched Nick leave the cafeteria. "Let's go sit down," he said, stepping over the mess as if it wasn't there. I followed obediently and we sat at our usual table.

"You don't want a new lunch?" I asked once people had stopped watching us. He shook his head no and I sighed, holding out my apple. "Here, have this then."

"No, you eat it."

I shoved it into his hands despite the protest. "Just eat the damn apple."

"Matt," he hissed, leaning closer so as to not be overheard. "We agreed-"

"Friends share food with each other," I said, cutting him off. "I would have offered you the apple whether we were or not because you'll be hungry all day without eating anything. Just eat it, no one is going to notice and if they do they'll think I'm just being nice."

He watched me a moment then relented, taking a bite of the apple. We ate in silence for a couple minutes before he broke it. "I have chocolate in my locker you know. I didn't need the apple."

I rolled my eyes. "Mello, shut up."　

/…/…/…/

It was Friday evening and I was sitting in my room, playing my DS. I was on the final castle for the third time and ignoring David, who had turned on the stereo in the living room and had no doubt already started drinking. Dad wasn't home yet; he'd gone out after work to get some stuff from the store. I knew he was mostly out to get more beer but he was going to bring at least some groceries home which was nice…that was less of my paycheck that had to go towards dinner.

My cellphone rang and I lifted it without pausing the game, tucking it against my shoulder so both my hands were free to play. "Hello?" I asked as I jumped over a lava pit.

"Hey Matt," came Mello's voice over the phone. I smiled.

"Hey Mello, what's up?" I asked.

"Come over to my house," he stated bluntly. I blinked and paused my game to give him my full attention.

"When?"

"Now."

"Um, sure," I told him. "Just let me finish this level and I'll walk over in a few minutes."

"I'm already here."

I swore my heart stopped. I swallowed thickly, glancing at my closed door. "Here? As in at the door?"

"No, I'm in my car. Come out and meet me."

I breathed again and turned off my game, tossing it on my bed. "Yeah sure, I'll be out in a second." I stood and pulled on my shoes and jacket and left my room, moving quickly towards the front door and hoping to avoid David altogether.

No such luck. "Hey, where you going Matt?" I groaned to myself but didn't slow, continuing towards the door.

"Out," I muttered simply.

"With who?" he persisted.

"A friend."

"A friend?" he asked incredulously. "Someone wants to hang out with a loser like you? Who is it?"

"Just a new guy I'm friends with. I'll see you later." I closed the door in his face and moved quickly across my lawn and towards Mello's car. It was running, which I was thankful for, and I pulled open the door and slipped inside.

"Hey," he said, inching forward. I quickly turned away and reached for my seatbelt, eyes sliding across the windows to see if I could spot David. He was at the window, watching me, and I quickly looked away, buckling m seatbelt. I glanced up to see him watching me and I looked forward.

"Later," I told him. "Just go." He studied me a moment before putting the car in drive.

Once my house was out of sight I turned to smile at him. "Hi."

He glanced at me briefly but kept his eyes on the road. "What was that all about?"

"Don't worry about it," I said. "So why are we going to your house?"

He didn't seem placated but didn't push the subject. "You wanted to come out right? Well I figured we could come out to my parents. They already know I'm gay so we don't have to worry about a bad reaction."

I couldn't help but smile at the sweet gesture, even as sudden nerves jumped into me. What would they say? Just because they liked Mello didn't mean they would like _me_.

He pulled up to his house and parked and I took a deep breath as he led me towards the front door. Warm air rushed to meet us as we walked inside. The air was filled with the thick scent of spices and the sound of frying.

Mello led me into the living room, where both his parents were sitting. His dad was reading a book while his mother was watching the weather on television.

"Hi mom, dad," Mello said.

Both turned to face us. His dad just nodded but his mom smiled. "Hello boys."

"We have something to tell you," Mello said then nudged me slightly. My heart was pounding as his parents looked at me expectantly.

'_Just say it! Just do it, don't even think about it,'_ I told myself. "I…Mello and I are together," I forced out, studying their faces for a reaction. I felt Mello's fingers brush mine and he squeezed my hand reassuringly, intertwining our fingers.

"Well that's nice," Mello's mother said. She was still smiling, which made me feel much calmer. "Congratulations."

"Good for you two," his dad said and turned back to his book.

"Are you staying for dinner Matt?" his mother asked, standing and walking towards the kitchen.

"Sure," I replied, surprised by such a mellow reaction.

Mello smiled and tugged me towards his the stairs. "Mello," came the stern sound of his father's voice. We paused and turned to face him. "I better not hear anything up there."

"Dad!" Mello exclaimed, face reddening instantly. I was mortified and just stared at him, but Mello pulled my towards the stairs hastily, muttering under his breath as we ascended.

"Mello sweetie, please keep the door open a few inches!" his mother called. His face turned even redder, if that was possible, and we ducked into the sanctuary of his room, closing the door behind us.

"They're so embarrassing," he muttered and I chuckled lightly.

"Mello! I wasn't kidding!"

He rushed to the door and opened it slightly, and despite my embarrassment I laughed. He had a good family, and he was lucky to have them.

And I was lucky to have him.


	8. Forging A Gap

**AN: Hey guys, sorry for the wait. The past two weeks leading up to spring break were really busy and last weekend I attended anime Milwaukee, which was a lot of fun. My friend from IL came to stay with me so I had no time to write. But hey, it is here now, so enjoy :)**

**In the meantime, if you enjoy AU's I highly recommend the Red Nail Polish series by parasitic. It's a good read and hasn't received nearly the recognition it deserves. Yes I am pimping out a friend haha, but she's good so it's okay.**

/…/…/…/

Chapter 8: Forging A Gap

The next couple of weeks passed quickly and without incident. Mello and I spent every day after school together, parked somewhere where no one would see us or hanging out at his house. We even went out in public a couple times, not as a couple, but as two friends just hanging out.

Mello's family was very kind to me. I felt truly accepted by them, and while that made me happy it also made me sad. It also made me angry with Mello if he ever had a complaint about them. He was so lucky; he had no right to complain about his parents.

But overall, everything was good.

But then, David started noticing I was getting rides home.

He was always watching me when I came home late, even going as far to ask what I had to be so happy about. He had also taken to asking what I had been up to, which was something he had never asked before. I wasn't sure if he suspected something or was just trying to make me miserable, but it made me nervous. David had seen Mello through the window and probably knew he was a guy…what would he do if he saw us together?

My phone vibrated and I opened it, smiling when I saw it was Mello texting me to say he was here. I grabbed my goggles and pulled them over my eyes before exiting my room, heading towards the door.

"Where you heading Matt?" David asked, sauntering towards me. He moved past me to look out the window and see Mello parked outside. "You hanging with that new kid you mentioned? You know my manager was talking about him the other day, heard some interesting stuff."

I kept calm, refusing to let the comment get to me. "Yeah? Well I have to go," I said, trying to move past.

"He can wait a minute; I think this is something you need to hear. I wouldn't want you to go on not knowing things you should know about him."

I did not want to hear this. "I can't stay, he's just dropping me off at work," I invented wildly. "They asked me to come in early today and I could use the extra hours. I'm going to be late so I'll see you later." I rushed out the door and to Mello's car. I glanced back towards my house and saw David watching from the window as we drove away.

/…/…/…/

"Where are we going Mels?" I questioned after nearly twenty minutes of driving.

"You'll see."

And see I did, when five minutes later Mello pulled up in front of an arcade. I turned towards him, grinning, and he gave me a small smile before getting out of the car. I followed and we walked into the arcade.

Instantly the sounds of games assaulted my ears. There were dings and beeps coming from every direction, and I could hear various techno songs coming from dancing games. There were bright, flashing lights everywhere and the sound of gleeful gamers in their element, and woeful groans of those who were not so talented.

A pair of boys several years younger than Mello and I ran past, laughing. A girl with short black hair and glasses punched a taller guy in the arm and pushed him off the In The Groove machine, gesturing for a brunette haired girl to join her, who did not seem entirely sure she wanted to play. I could hear the clocking of guns from Time Crisis beside me and my smile widened in glee.

This was surely heaven.

"Isn't it beautiful Mello?" I asked in a dreamy voice.

He stood beside me, looking around. "A bunch of nerdy teenagers and Satan spawns running rampant without parents or guardians to monitor their actions…oh yes, beautiful," he said, clearly unimpressed. "How do you stand it? It's so noisy!"

"It is perfection," I answered without looking at him. "Thanks for bringing me," I said, finally tearing my eyes away to look at him. "I know it's not exactly fun for you."

He shrugged. "Whatever. You gonna play or not?"

We stayed for hours playing, followed by a lengthy makeout session in the back of his car. We went out for pizza afterwards, and then sat at his house for ages just talking. It was the best day I'd had in a long time.

He leaned towards me once he had parked outside my house and I pulled back slightly, glancing nervously at the window. Mello's lips began to turn down slightly, the beginnings of a scowl tugging at his face, and I quickly moved forwards and pressed my lips against his. His lips quirked up slightly and I felt his hand drift up to rest against my cheek. He titled his head slightly and deepened the kiss, and for a moment the world fell away and all I could feel was him. He pulled back slowly and gave me a small smirk. "Night."

I smiled. "Night."

He leaned in again and kissed me chastely on the lips before I opened the car door and stepped out. I paused before closing the door. I was sad to leave him, to be forced to go home when I did not want to be there at all. He met my eyes a moment then I closed the door. I turned and walked towards my house, listening to him drive off when I opened the front door.

The stereo was still blaring, even though it was nearly three in the morning. I could hear snoring coming from the couch and rolled my eyes, moving past my slumbering dad.

"Where've you been?" I jumped slightly and turned to see David leaning against the wall near the kitchen.

"Out," I muttered, moving towards the kitchen once more. He stumbled away from the wall, nearly tripping over his own feet in his haste to follow me. I heard him crash into a side table on his way and the sound of something crashing to the ground but ignored it, making a beeline for my room.

"Hey, 'm talkin' to ya," he slurred and lurched toward me, grabbing my sleeve and pulling me towards him. He threw me off balance and we both crashed to the kitchen floor. I groaned and he kicked my leg. "Clumsy fucker. Who're you with tonight?"

I stumbled to my feet. "A friend! Why do you care so much?"

"Yer always wit him, why's that? Huh? What's goin' on? I went to yur work today. They said you weren't workin today. What were ya doin?"

"Nothing!" I insisted, even as my stomach clenched in fear. They could not find out about me and Mello. "You're such a freak!" I slammed the door in his face, even as he pounded on it. I slid down the door and took slow breaths, trying to block out his voice.

"What's goin' on Matt? Huh? Who's this kid?"

I bit my lip and closed my eyes. I'd be more careful. He couldn't find out, it would ruin everything.

/…/…/…/

"Do you want to come over after school? We can study and my mom is making homemade pizza…or trying to at least. It should be amusing to watch," Mello said, smirking.

It did sound amusing, and a lot of fun, but it would be the third night in a row this week that I went to Mello's house. David was starting to pay more attention to when I got home and if Mello drove me…maybe I should just go home…

"I'd like to but I really should go home today…"

"Why?" he asked, brows slanting in confusion.

"Um, I just…need to, you know?"

He just stared at me for a moment. "You don't have to stay late or anything, just come over for a couple of hours."

"I guess I could come over for a while." After all, I had been staying out later for years now. Maybe if I walked home David would stop watching me so much.

Mello sent me a couple odd looks during school but didn't say anything, for which I was grateful. I really did not want to talk about how crappy my family was; I just wanted to graduate and get away from that house. The less he knew the better, in my opinion. He couldn't understand, not with such a wonderful family. Not only that, it was embarrassing. I did not want him to ever meet my dad or brother. It would be humiliating.

David knowing about us could lead to nothing good. As if he needed another reason to hate me. This would just make everything worse, so I had to stop him from finding out.

Mello would understand that of course, but then I'd have to explain everything to him.

I didn't want to dump all that crap on someone I'd not even dated a full month yet, especially considering that I didn't want to talk about it to anyone. I'd dealt with it for years on my own, I could handle it for another few months.

/…/…/…/

Soon enough school was over and we went to his house. Neither of his parents were home yet so we grabbed a couple drinks and went upstairs. Mello closed the door behind us and smirked. "Hi," he said, pulling off his leather coat and tossing it on his desk.

I pulled off my own coat and dropped it on the foot of his bed. "Hi."

His smirk widened and his eyes swiveled to the digital clock on his dresser before he walked towards me and slammed his lips against mine. I leaned closer instantly, my arms slowly wrapping around his waist. His tongue probed against my lips and I widened them, allowing him inside. His tongue teased mine then slowly began to explore my mouth, and he gently pushed me backwards.

The back of my legs met the bed and I fell back so I was sitting. Mello didn't break the kiss, using the height to his advantage to ravish my mouth further. He pulled back a moment to breathe and nudged me backwards. I complied and he crawled up beside me on the bed, sliding an arm around my shoulders and turning me towards him. Our lips met mutually, and I steadied myself on the bed with one hand while using the other to brush his hair back and away from his eyes.

Mello's other hand, which had been stationary on the bed, rose to cup my face, tilting my chin up to meet his movements more easily. My hand remained tangled in his hair; I loved the feel of it between my fingers. His hand drifted down my arm, then my side, and the hand on my shoulder moved to the back of my neck. He pushed me backwards until I was flat on my back and loomed over me, still smirking, before he leaned down and our lips met again.

His lips ghosted across my jaw to my neck, leaving small bites as he went. His fingers were toying with the bottom of my shirt, just slipping underneath to meet my bare skin. A small moan escaped me without my permission and he chuckled, lying down more fully on top of me. I wrapped both my arms around his back, rubbing them up and down until I found the hem of his shirt, fingers barely, _finally_, brushing his heated skin.

A door slammed downstairs and Mello leaped away, panting. He straightened his hair and I sat up, flattening my shirt and reaching forward to help him fix his hair as footsteps sounded on the stairs. We quickly got off the bed. I pulled out a random textbook and flipped it open; sitting on the floor as he straightened his blankets and dropped down beside me, whipping out a worksheet and pencil just as the door opened.

"Mello, I told you to leave the door open," his mother scolded, looking down at us.

"Sorry mom," he said.

His mother didn't seem to believe him but didn't press it. "Well I'm going to change and then start the pizza, so come join me. It will probably take us a while." She turned, leaving the room. Mello watched her go then leaned towards me, claiming a quick kiss before standing.

"Come on, let's go set up."

The pizza preparation did take a rather long time, as none of us really knew what we were doing. It was fun, though as the hours wore on I began to glance at the clock more and more. David knew I hadn't gone to work on Saturday…I really shouldn't push my luck.

The pizza didn't turn out too badly, and his parents left us to clean up duty, since we were the young ones. Mello rolled his eyes and complained under his breath and we set to work cleaning the kitchen. We sat at the table, exhausted, not long later, too tired to move to his room. We began chatting idly, though Mello seemed to notice as I grew more distracted the later it got.

"I need to get home," I said quietly several hours later. I was sad to go but it was necessary to keep David off my back. I had no clue what he would do if he found out I was dating Mello. Would he beat me up? How would dad react if David told him? I didn't have a clue. What made it so terrifying was how unsure I was of their reactions, though I was positive that they would not be good.

"Okay, let me grab my keys."

I jumped up and grabbed his arm. "Wait, I can walk. You don't need to drop me off. It's only a few blocks." Maybe if David saw I came home on my own today, like I always used to, he wouldn't start jumping to conclusions. It shouldn't be too hard to fool him

He gave me a perturbed look and glanced out the window. "It's snowing," he stated pointedly.

"It's not that bad," I reassured. As if to prove me wrong the wind gave a sharp gust and the snow blew wildly through the air. The tree branches outside Mello's house whacked sharply against the side of the house. I could hear the wind howling as the snow swirled through the air. Mello turned towards me and raised an eyebrow.

"Well maybe it's not ideal," I admitted sheepishly.

His eyes narrowed. "What's the problem with me giving you a ride home? You get so weird anytime we get near your house," he accused.

"I do not!" I said, glancing at the clock again. This was about the time I usually got home, before I started dating Mello. David could be paying attention, watching for me to be later than normal. Maybe I was just being paranoid…but still…

"Yes you do! What's up with your family?"

"Nothing!" I defended.

"Obviously something is up since you never want to be near me when we're in front of your house. Are they homophobic, is that it? You can tell me."

"Look, it's not a big deal."

"Yes it is! You're over here all the time. You've met my family, and I know almost nothing about yours! You've said they drink, is it bad? Why won't you tell me anything about them?" he asked.

"It's none of your business." The words escaped me before I thought about them, and Mello's face changed instantly. His eyes darkened and his scowl deepened. He took a step back and crossed his arms.

"Fine, go," he said, nodding towards the back door.

I cringed slightly. "Mello…"

His expression didn't waver. "You want to walk home so bad then fine. See if I care. Go home."

I took a step towards him but he turned his face away, instead glaring at the wall. There was silence for several moments except for the howling of the wind and the sounds of the television in the living room. I waited for some type of acknowledgment from him, but none came. I sighed to myself and turned away, heading towards the stairs to get my coat from his room. I glanced at the bed as I pulled my coat on, wondering how such a wonderful day could have gone wrong so quickly. I went back downstairs, contemplating telling him a bit more about my family, but decided against it quickly. I didn't want to think about it, let alone talk about it, and I was ashamed to display such an awful family that would never accept us when his had been so kind to me.

I paused at the door and turned to face him, but he still wasn't looking at me. "I'll see you tomorrow." He said nothing and didn't turn to face me, so I opened the door. "Bye," I said quietly, wincing as the snow blew into my eyes. I ducked my head and went outside, closing the door firmly behind me.

The snow stung my eyes and I cursed myself for not wearing my goggles. I couldn't wear them during class and so I often did not bring them with me on school days. I bent my head farther down and started walking.

I shivered slightly, regretting that I didn't just let Mello drive me. Would it really have been such a big deal, especially in this weather? The snow was cold and wet. I looked up to make sure it was clear before I began to cross the street.

I slipped on the ice and fell hard on my back. I groaned and rolled over, pushing myself up on my hands and knees. Great; now I was covered in snow and slush. My pants were uncomfortably damp now, and my hands were freezing from their plunge into the snow. I stood slowly, making sure not to slip again, stuffing my hands in my pockets in the hopes that they'd help warm them.

Suddenly headlights shone on me and I looked up to see a car turning the corner at an alarming speed. I stumbled backwards as it slid on the ice and came towards me. I dived out of the way, jarring my wrist on the curb as the car slid past me. The driver regained control of their car and slowed, but did not stop.

I was shaking for entirely different reasons now and stood slowly, breathing heavily. My heart was pounding against my chest and I quickly made my way fully onto the sidewalk, turning towards home. I hesitated the next time I had to cross the street and hurried across, making it without incident.

I was almost home when I felt my phone vibrate. I slowed my stride and pulled it out, glancing at the caller id to see that Mello was calling. I pressed the talk button and lifted the phone to my ear as I opened the door to my house. "Hello?"

"Hey," Mello said, then went silent. David was watching TV and my dad was nowhere to be seen. David glanced at me as I slipped past him and into my room, closing and locking the door behind me.

"Hi," I said when it became apparent he wasn't going to say anymore. "Why are you calling?"

"Am I not allowed to call anymore either?" he asked, sounding defensive.

"No, I was just wondering why you called," I told him, a trace of irritation in my voice. Why did he have to jump to conclusions like that?

"Did you get home safe? It's gotten kind of bad out there" he questioned.

I blinked. "Um…yeah."

"You hesitated. What happened?"

"Nothing, it's no big deal," I said, opening a drawer in search of something dry to change into.

"You're always lying to me! Why can't you just tell me?" He exclaimed. "Whatever, night."

"Wait! Mello, wait. I'm fine; I just nearly got hit by a car. It's not a big deal, I'm okay, just a bit shaken," I interjected quickly.

"You just nearly got hit by a car?!" he shrieked. "What happened?"

I sat on my bed, pulling off my wet shoes. "I slipped on some ice crossing the street and a car turned before I got back to the sidewalk and slid on the ice. I'm fine though." He said nothing, so I continued. "You can drive me home next time."

"Oh can I?" he asked, his tone biting and facetious. Neither of us said anything, and the silence stood, impenetrable between us. Several minutes I heard him take a deep breath. "Okay I'm going to go. Can I pick you up for school tomorrow or not?"

"You can pick me up," I said quietly.

"Fine, see you tomorrow." He hung up without another word, and while I felt something had been mended when he called to make sure I made it home, it felt like I had broken something too. Dwelling on it did not make me feel any better so I pulled off my damp jeans and pulled on a dry pair of bottoms and a t-shirt, turning on my DS and sinking into a sort of calm as the familiar music eased my worries.


	9. Keeping Secrets

Chapter 9: Keeping Secrets

"Morning," I told him the next day as I slid into his car. He said nothing, not even sparing me a glance as he pulled away from the curb and started driving towards school. We sat in heavy silence and I glanced at him uncertainly. "Mello?" I ventured quietly, and his hands tightened around the steering wheel. He still didn't say anything and I looked away, directing my gaze out the window instead.

The ride to school really isn't very long, but it felt long. When Mello parked the car he pushed open his car door and climbed out, standing impatiently, waiting for me to get out. I did, and he locked the doors, slamming his door shut and stalking towards the school.

I followed at a slower pace and by the time I reached my locker Mello was already seated in front of his, textbook open on the floor in front of him. I watched him for a moment but he didn't look up so I slowly sat down in front of my own locker and turned on my DS.

I couldn't focus at all, and I kept looking up to sneak glances at Mello. He studiously ignored me and I sighed to myself, staring blankly down at my game. I hated this; I didn't want to make things weird between us.

But what else was I supposed to do? Could Mello understand, with a family as accepting as his was? I mean of course he understood homophobia, but it was more than that. Explaining my family meant explaining why David hated me, why my dad drank, why I tried to stay away from home as much as possible. I'd never talked about those things with anyone and I tried not to dwell on them much myself.

If I told him he would pity me. I didn't want him to see a boy with a broken family when he looked at me; I just wanted him to see_ me_.

Unfortunately he didn't seem to be seeing me at all right now, since when the bell rang he turned and walked towards his first class without a word.

He didn't say a word to me during chemistry either, except when he had to. He stood as soon as the bell rang and did not pause to wait for me like he usually did. I was worried I'd be sitting alone by the time I got to lunch but he was at our usual table, already eating. I sat across from him and went straight to my chicken nuggets, not expecting him to say anything to me.

"Why won't you tell me anything?"

I looked up in surprise, especially because he was willing to discuss this here in school. I swallowed a bite of chicken nugget and put it down to give him my full attention. "It's complicated."

"How complicated can it be?" he asked. "Are they homophobic? Is that it?"

"I honestly don't know," I told him. "But David will use any reason to hate me, and I'm sure this would just add to it."

His brows furrowed. "He hates you?"

Mentally I cursed myself for letting that slip, but I didn't let it show. "Maybe hate is a strong word but…yeah, pretty much," I said.

"Why?"

I fidgeted in my seat nervously. "A vast amount of reasons."

"Like what?" he questioned.

"Like stuff," I said, voice hardening slightly. "It's personal, you don't need to know."

He glared at me. "Like hell I don't."

My annoyance increased. "It's my business, not yours. They're my family and if I don't want to tell you I don't have to. It's not that bad, but it's not something I want to talk about, so just drop it."

Mello went back to his lunch, not saying anything. He ate quickly and once he had emptied his tray he looked at me again. His gaze was serious. "I don't like that you won't share your home life with me. It makes me angry. If you won't tell me about it at least do me the decency of not lying to me about it, because I can tell that everything is not fine." He stood without another word, and I wondered how he managed to make me feel so guilty when he said so little.

He didn't invite me over once that week. I resented him for it, and for him pushing me to talk about my family. He didn't have a right to push me the way he was. We spoke less, both of us annoyed with each other. Despite my annoyance with him, I missed going out with him after school. I had grown used to being with him, and by the end of the week I had started to miss him more than be annoyed with him.

We agreed to meet on Sunday because Mello had family obligations for Thanksgiving. He drove me home Wednesday after school and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. I wanted to ask him if we could go somewhere and that I missed him, but he pulled back and turned towards the road. I looked at him a moment then got out of the car and stood on the sidewalk as he drove down the road and out of sight.

/…/…/…/

The weekend with my family did not get off to a good start. Thanksgiving, a holiday where families gave thanks for what they had, was a foreign concept in my home. What did they have to give thanks for?

I emerged from my room around noon to find something to eat. David was sitting at the kitchen table, already nursing a beer. It was probably only his first or second one because he did not look particularly affected. I was proven correct when he turned to face me with clear eyes.

So he was just getting started.

I began to dig through the fridge looking for something vaguely appealing. I gave up, instead searching the cabinets. Finally I found a half empty box of cereal and resigned myself to spending the next few minutes with David. I poured myself cereal and sat down as far from David as I could manage.

"Some Thanksgiving feast huh?" he asked smirking. I said nothing. "You know mom used to cook. I can't remember her dinners very well but dad insists she was an excellent cook."

I began eating faster. Why couldn't he just let it go?

"I think that's why dad hates this holiday so much. He used to love Thanksgiving but without mom it's worthless."

I was eating my meal in record time, wondering how he could honestly hold a grudge for so long. Who does that? Blessedly, he was quiet for the next couple minutes, and that was all I needed to finish my cereal. I stood and carried the bowl to the sink.

"I'm surprised you're here at all Matt. Why aren't you hanging out with your little _friend_?" David questioned.

Something about the way he said 'friend' irritated me and, already frustrated with him and my dad for causing another roadblock in my relationship with Mello, I lashed out. "He's spending time with his family, because they're not a bunch of losers like you are."

David's smirk dropped abruptly at that and he stood. "Who are you, to call us losers? The reason we're not having a Thanksgiving dinner this weekend is because of you!"

"Just shut up!" I snapped. "I didn't ask for mom to die, or for dad to start drinking!"

"That doesn't mean it's not your fault," David growled, slamming his beer bottle down so viciously that it shattered on the counter, glass scattering across the countertop and the floor. He paid it no heed though, simply stepping over it and closer to me. "Whether you wanted it or not, dad started drinking because of you! Mom is dead because of you! You act like you're so much better than us but you're not! That really pisses me off that you think you're so above us, like you deserve better. You don't deserve anything."

"Fuck you!" I hadn't been this angry with David in a long time. "I don't think I'm better, I know I'm better than you!"

He reacted too quickly for me to defend myself, and his fist shot out and caught me across my right eye. I stumbled backwards into the counter and looked up at him.

He was still glaring. "Don't say you're any better than me when you've got one loser friend. Did you know he's a fag? That's how low you're willing to go for friendship? I suppose that pussy is the only one who would take you. Admit it; you're not worth a thing!"

"He's a better man than you could ever hope to be."

David lunged towards me and I lifted my arms in defense, but he shoved them away and landed a second punch on my jaw. He shoved me sidewise and I stumbled away from him, eyeing him warily.

"Don't fucking start with me little brother, you don't have a chance," he warned.

Although anger was still steaming inside me I knew he was right and looked away, my usual sign of submission whenever David was being an asshole.

"That's better," he said and pushed past me, pulling another beer from the fridge. "How can you begin to think you're better than me when you're such a weakling?" He looked up at me, staring straight into my eyes. "You deserve everything you get, now get the fuck away from me."

I shuffled past him into my room, locking the door behind me. I lifted my hand to prod at my eye and jaw gingerly. I cringed slightly at the blood; bastard had split my lip.

I went to my dresser, checking my phone for any missed alerts from Mello and finding none. I sighed, grabbing a tissue and pressing it against my lips.

David was right about one thing; I was a weakling.

/…/…/…/

"What happened to you?" Mello exclaimed on Sunday when he came to pick me up.

"Nothing," I mumbled, not having been able to come up with an adequate excuse. Clearly someone had hit me.

"Bullshit!" he yelled, but began driving nonetheless. He said nothing for a while, until we reached the park. It was, as usual during this time of year, deserted. The early snowfall made the chances of us being interrupted very low. Mello parked the car and turned it off, turning in his seat to face me. "Tell me what's going on," he demanded.

"Look, it's nothing serious," I said. "You don't need to worry about it."

Mello pounded on his steering wheel in frustration and leapt from his car, slamming the door shut harshly as he did so. Slowly I followed, moving to stand several feet in front of him. He was visibly trying to calm down, but his voice still emerged angrily. "I don't know how stupid you think I am, but I know something is going on with your family. Did they do this?"

"You're blowing this way out of proportion."

"Stop dodging the question!" he screeched. "I am so sick of you lying to me! Even when you're hurt you won't tell me what's going on! You don't trust me at all!"

Now I glared at him. "This has nothing to do with trust, its privacy. You have no right to demand me to-"

"I am your boyfriend!" he interrupted. "As your boyfriend I have the right to know certain things, like who is hurting you!"

"My boyfriend?" I scoffed. "You can't call yourself my boyfriend if we're not dating in public. You hide from the school like a coward! I was willing to come out and you decided you'd rather hide so no Mello! As my boyfriend you do not have the right to know what happened!"

"You're calling me a coward?! You're the one who won't open up to me! You're the one who is hiding everything from me!"

I clenched my hands into fists at my side. "As if you've told me everything there is to know about your life. What about your past, Mello? You skirt around that subject whenever you can. What about that person who was going to be valedictorian?"

His face went from angry to furious, and his voice dropped, becoming quiet and cold which was somehow even worse. "Don't fucking talk about him. I'm not going to share something like that when you won't even share the basics about your family."

"If you think yelling at me is going to make me tell you anything then you're wrong," I told him.

He clenched his teeth together and took a slow breath, allowing his face to become blank. "Matt, will you tell me what happened this weekend and why your brother hates you?"

I bit my lip. "I told you, it's not a big deal. It was just a small fight, it wasn't that bad."

He shook his head slowly. "That's a lie. Obviously it must be pretty bad if you will keep avoiding the question like this. I really like you Matt, but I can't be with you if you're going to lie to me. I can't handle that, and I don't deserve it. I've had enough of people who lie to me and I'm not taking it from you too. When you can tell me the truth call me, but until then I don't want to see you."

He turned away, walking towards his car. The anger drained out of me instantly. "No, Mello wait!" I rushed forward and grabbed his wrist. He stilled but did not turn to face me. "Mello, please, I've never talked to anyone about this before. You don't understand."

He yanked his wrist away. "No, I _don't_ understand, because you won't let me. When you're ready to help me understand give me a call." He opened the car door and ducked inside. He looked at me once more through the window then started the car, backed up, and drove away. I stared after him, hating how he was making me choose, and hating my family for being the way they were to make this so hard for me.

But at that moment, I hated myself most of all, for not having the guts to tell him anything.

/…/…/

School was torture. Mello didn't show up early all week, or if he did, he avoided his locker and found somewhere else to go. He only spoke to me when it was necessary in class, despite my many attempts to start a conversation. He wasn't at our usual table, and I couldn't find him in the cafeteria.

To put it simply, I was miserable.

Being home was not helping at all. In fact, David had gotten even worse since the Thanksgiving incident, and he had gotten dad on his side. Each day I came home early David taunted me, asking why I wasn't out with Mello. His insults grew worse and he had taken to standing at my door, pounding on it for ages, telling me how worthless was.

What was worse that I really did feel worthless. How had I driven Mello away so quickly? What was wrong with me? We had only been dating for a month but I'd felt such a strong connection to him and I had ruined it by being too stubborn and cowardly to tell him what was going on.

But now I was even more scared to call him and tell him I was ready to talk. He was mad at me, so would he really listen? We hadn't really spoken in a week, so did he still want to hear from me? But even if he would listen a part of me was scared to tell him. I didn't want him to see how weak I really was. Not only was I too weak to tell him what was going on, I was too weak to even stand up to my family.

My dad had started to follow me around the house, accusing me of taunting and provoking David, saying I didn't do enough for the family for the right to defend myself. I tried to ignore him, but his drinking always got worse near holidays, and he was relentless. When I left the room they would double team me, throwing accusations. David was trying to rile me up, to provoke me to attack him in front of dad, but I refused to let that happen. It made him even angrier that I had so much self control and he grew more personal, aiming attacks at me and Mello instead.

"I know all about your little fag friend Matt," he told me.

"Leave me alone," I muttered, watching my dad who was opening a new bottle of beer.

"Hang around a kid like that long enough and he'll turn you into one too. Not only would you be a murderer, you'd be a faggot, and I would not have to justify beating your head in for that. I'm sure plenty of people would want a chance to do that if you were one."

I ignored him, but inside I was alarmed. David very rarely threatened me with serious violence, and with the mood he'd been in since I insulted him I didn't want to give him any other excuse to come after me.

He got worse as time went by, and after it had been nearly two weeks since I fought with Mello I was near my breaking point. After a particularly nasty jab about how even if I were gay Mello would never date someone like me, I rushed from the kitchen and slammed the door of my bedroom, sliding down the wall and burying my head in my knees.

Because David was right, Mello didn't want to date me. I was too much of a weakling and a coward. It had been me who drove Mello away. This entire situation was my fault. I hadn't wanted mom to die, but she was dead because of me. I had ruined their family, so their reactions towards me weren't surprising. I had lied to Mello, I hadn't trusted him. He deserved someone who didn't lie to him, someone who didn't hold back anything.

I hated myself for it. I screwed up everything. I had even screwed up the one thing that I really had going for me.

My dad was pounding on the door now. It was early Friday evening and he hadn't been drinking much yet, so for him to demand entrance was serious. Not wanting to face the consequences of ignoring him I opened the door.

He was scowling, and I wondered what I had done to merit this kind of attention. Had David said I did something? He must of, because my dad did not look happy. He turned and walked towards the kitchen and I followed.

"I am getting sick of the way you disrespect your brother, insulting him and storming out when he was defending himself."

I gaped at him. "Insulting him?"

"I don't need to hear any more lies from you," he said as he reached for his beer bottle on the counter.

I just stared at him. "What do you mean lies?" I asked. Usually David didn't spin stories to make dad angry. The past few weeks' frustration caught up with me again and once more I found myself speaking up instead of remaining silent like I usually did. "He's the one always telling you lies!"

His scowl deepened and he stepped towards me, which I mirrored with a step backwards. "Don't start pinning blame on your brother. We provide you with food and shelter despite your arrogant attitude so you have no right to disrespect us the way you do."

"I wouldn't say you provide that much," I muttered quietly to myself, but he must have heard it because suddenly he exploded.

"Sometimes I think I should kick your ass out on the street! You're not bringing any money in like your brother and me, and you certainly aren't grateful for what we provide for you!"

I seethed. "I have a job."

My dad took another gulp of beer and glared at me. "For college, a lot of good that's gonna do you. You're not getting anything out of a college education."

"It's not like I don't buy any food around here, since you waste so much money on beer!" It burst out of me before I even thought of biting the words back, and my dad stopped mid-drink and stared at me.

"You don't like the way I run this house then you can get out. I don't care what you do. Stay or go, it don't matter to me, but you better stop being such a pain in my ass, trying to fucking lecture me. You're my son and you'll do what I fucking tell you to." He stepped forward and I recoiled, but he merely tossed his bottle in the trash and pulled a new beer from the fridge before stepping towards me. "What, nothing to say to that?" he asked, leaning down. "I'm sick of this attitude you got with me. Learn your place or I'll kick your ass out. Now get out of here, I don't want to see you for the rest of the night, got it?!" His voice had risen steadily with each word and he turned abruptly, moving into the living room.

"Oh Matt, what have you done to make him so angry?" David asked, emerging from the hall.

I turned without a word, stalking towards the front door. I couldn't deal with this anymore. I just couldn't take it. This constant harassment was killing me, and going through it alone was even worse. I'd gotten used to at least having Mello's presence to look forward to, but that was gone.

I couldn't do this alone anymore.

I started off down the block, pulling out my phone and dialing his number. For a moment I feared he wouldn't answer, but he picked up on the third ring. "Hello?"

I took a deep breath and said, "Mello can I come over? I really need to talk to you." He was silent a moment and my heart hammered against my chest, fearing he would reject me. "Please." It came out nearly a whisper, and I don't know if he even heard it, but then he said yes, just as quietly.

I hung up and stuffed my hands in my pockets, hurrying towards his house.

I needed to fix things.

But most of all, I just needed _him_.


	10. Connection

Chapter 10: Connection

I took a deep breath when I reached his door, mentally preparing for what I was about to do. I had to tell him, not only to save our relationship, but because it was too hard to keep it to myself anymore. I rang the doorbell and he arrived at the door seconds later, ushering me inside and up to his room in silence. He closed the door and I glanced at him. "What about your parents?"

"They went out to dinner twenty minutes ago, we're fine," he stated unconcerned, and sat on his bed. I hesitated a moment then sat beside him, not making eye contact.

He didn't say anything so I finally forced myself to speak. "My mom," I said slowly, still not looking at him. It would make it easier if I could pretend I was talking to his bookshelf. "She died in childbirth with me. My dad and brother never forgave me for it." I paused to collect my thoughts. "David always tells me what it was like before I was around, and how much fun they had. It makes me feel guilty sometimes." He glanced at him but he didn't face me, staring straight ahead. I continued on. "My dad has been drinking for as long as I can remember. He drinks as soon as he gets home and all night until he passes out. He drinks a lot on weekends and moderately on weekdays. My relationship with him is trying to avoid him as much as I can. He favors David."

I swallowed thickly and decided to move on. "David drinks a lot too, only he doesn't ignore me like my dad does. He insults me a lot, gives me crap about being the one to get our mom killed. I mean I know it's my fault she died, but I can't help that!" My voice is rising without my permission and I can't seem to get it under control. "They treat me like some kind of criminal and I'm not! I didn't want her to die! I didn't want to kill her!" I stopped and bit my lip and tried to push back the hysteria rising within me. I did not want to lose control like this. It wasn't a big deal, it wasn't.

"It's not your fault."

Finally I turned towards him. "What?"

He still didn't turn to face me, but at least he was talking now. "There was nothing you could have done to save her. It's not your fault that they treat you badly." He was silent for a few moments. "Why didn't you just tell me?"

I shrugged. "I haven't told anyone before," I admitted. "It…embarrasses me. You have these great parents and my family is just this, this mess. And all I can do is deal with it and try to get through it."

"What made you change your mind?" he asked.

"They got worse," I muttered, but didn't elaborate.

Mello drew his legs up and under him. He looked at me a few moments before his hand crept forward, covering mine on the bed. He stroked it gently, not looking up for several minutes before finally speaking. "Matt… do they hit you?"

I shook my head quickly. "No Mels, they don't."

His eyes hardened for a moment. "Don't lie to me." They softened again almost immediately. "You don't have to protect them."

"I'm not protecting them," I said quietly. Mello didn't seem convinced so I pushed on. "They don't hit me. They don't beat me. My dad has only raised his hand to me one or two times before, when he was really angry. When he's drunk he usually ignores me, or just acts obnoxious. He's not usually violent, and he's only ever really yelled at me before. David…" I hesitated, and Mello's eyes narrowed. "No he doesn't hurt me either! I mean not badly. He's taken swings at me before and we got into a bad fight once, but he usually just slurs at me then I go in my room."

"How often?"

"How often what?" I asked.

"How often does he take a swing at you?"

I sighed. "Only if he gets really mad; if I just submit he usually leaves me alone. He usually leaves me alone after one punch, and it's not often." He was still studying me and against my will my temper rose. "Look, it's not that bad okay?! They're not beating me or starving me! It's fine."

"Really, Matt? Everything's fine? You say they don't beat you, but they insult you all the time. That's still abuse. It is verbal abuse and it is still wrong. I don't care that your brother only takes the occasional swing at you, he still has no right to do that!" Even as his voice rose his thumb stroked the top of my hand soothingly. "You're not being starved but not properly fed either! You're so skinny. Do they cook for you Matt? Do they make you home cooked meals or buy ingredients? Or do you order out and make do with whatever fast food garbage they buy? And I can tell by the way you talk about it that what they say bothers you. It is not your fault your mother died and they have no right to pin the blame on you for it." His eyes were glassy now and his hand tightened around mine, squeezing it in reassurance. "You do not deserve this. You don't deserve to constantly deal with your family being drunk and not having enough to eat and having to lock yourself in your room to avoid being insulted or the occasional punch. That's not right! You don't deserve it and don't you dare fucking settle for it. I never want you to think you have to take that or blame yourself for it, got it?!"

"Mello…" I couldn't speak, too touched by his words. I pushed back the lump in my throat and he leaned forward and kissed me hard. I leaned into his touch as his hand swept up to settle behind my neck, holding me in place. I could feel his passion in it as he pushed closer, practically sitting on my lap as his lips moved against mine. I tried to pour my own feelings into the kiss, my gratefulness for the words and the concern and for him. Now that I had him, I wasn't sure how I had lived without him all this time, or how I hadn't known how I felt the moment I met him.

"I'm sorry," I said breathlessly. "For lying. I didn't mean to mess this up."

"You haven't messed this up," he murmured back, kissing me again.

"I really care about you," I said when he pulled back again. "I really-"

"I know," he interrupted.

"I'm sorry," I said again. "I didn't mean to make you so angry. I know it's my fault for not just talking to you, I just…"

He pressed closer. "It's okay," he reassured. "It's not only your fault, I may have overreacted a bit as well. I just hate being lied to. But it's okay now, I'm not mad. I don't want this to be over."

"Me either," I agreed and pressed my lips to his again.

We kissed until we both ran out of breath, and even then he didn't move back, instead resting his forehead against mine. Both hands came down to find mine, intertwining our fingers. His breath was warm against my face and it was so hard not to lean in for more. He wasn't close enough; I just wanted to be closer to him. I tilted my head to kiss him again, this time slower and more relaxed. "Thank you," I whispered when I pulled back, resting my forehead against his once more.

He leaned in closer, pressing his lips to the corner of my own. I could feel his smile as his lips trailed down, over my jaw and to my neck. He nipped and sucked lightly and I groaned, pushing closer to him. He lingered there for several minutes then pulled back, looking straight into my eyes. His eyes always paralyzed me. They were endless, as if trying to look into the depths of the ocean itself, or as if trying to see to the stars through a bright blue sky. There was so much warmth in them, so much care, and I gravitated closer without thinking about it, pressing my lips fiercely against his. His tongue met mine without preamble and we kissed like we never had before. His hands had left mine, one to settle once again behind my head, and the other placed delicately on my waist. I had both my arms curling around his middle, hands clutching at his back. I pressed closer until there was absolutely no space between us. I had stopped thinking, letting my body just do what it wanted. My hand reached up to stroke his golden hair.

I pulled my lips away, running them slowly to his neck, leaving my own bites there. I could feel his moan vibrate through him, could feel his heart rate increasing as I continued, the skin reddening under my ministrations. That was sure to leave a mark.

I pulled back slowly. Both of us were breathing heavily and we watched each other a moment before he dived in, lips meeting mine harshly. I fell back, my hands going down to keep myself partially upright as his lips ravished mine. I tried to match him, but he was clearly stating his dominance through it, and finally I let myself go and submitted to him. My arms were shaking and I let myself fall back fully onto the bed. His lips didn't leave mine and I was helpless, completely blown away. Words and competence couldn't reach me now. My arms wrapped around his neck and I pulled him closer, arching up against him. He still wasn't close enough. I wanted to feel every inch of him.

It seemed to go on for ages, but when he finally pulled back all I wanted was to drag back down again. My mind finally caught up with me, telling me to breathe so I did, taking in deep gasps of air. Mello was perched above me, his breathing just as heavy as mine. I pulled myself up, kissing him softly. "I want you," I whispered against his lips, and he froze in response.

He pulled back, watching me. "Are you sure?" he asked.

"I know what I want Mello." There was no hesitance now. This was beyond a want, it was a need. I needed him to be closer. I needed to feel him moving against me. "I'm sure." His lips met mine, tenderer than before. One of his hands snuck to the bottom of my shirt then slipped underneath. I gasped slightly into the kiss and I felt him smirk as his hand trailed up my chest, fingers circling both nipples. His hand trailed back down and he pulled away, tugging gently at my shirt. I sat back and pulled it off. I blushed lightly as his eyes trailed down my body. I met his gaze shyly and he smiled in reassurance. His fingers found the bottom of his own shirt and soon it joined mine on the floor.

He was gorgeous. I studied him slowly, wanting to burn the picture in my mind forever. After taking him in I looked up and our eyes met, and just like that we were pressed together again, lips fierce with chest against naked chest. My hands raked down his back as his rubbed my sides. I pulled back just enough to run my hand down his chest, loving the feel of his skin under my hand. His own hand came to rest against my lower back and I melted against him.

He chuckled lightly, rubbing soothing circles against my skin as my head came down to rest on his bare shoulder. I kissed it gently until both his arms were behind me, lowering me carefully onto the bed. His hands trailed down my chest, leaving a path of fire in their wake. His lips followed, tongue coming to lap against my nipple. I couldn't hold back a moan. There were so many sensations all at once and I couldn't focus. His lips traveled downwards, hands tracing my sides as he swept his tongue across my stomach. I breathed out shakily and shuddered lightly as his lips came to the waistband of my jeans. My hands were clutching at the sheets below me as his lips ghosted over the bulge in my jeans. "Mels," I breathed out, voice weak. He slithered up, kissing me softly. He deepened it quickly and I couldn't help but buck up against him. I could feel how hard he had grown and the friction took my breath away for a moment.

The kisses continued, and he began moving slowly above me. The pace was too slow for both of us and soon he was moving more quickly, the friction rising between us. My jeans were painfully constricting now, and I could feel how hard he was against me. His hand swept down and squeezed my cock, which was by now straining painfully in the confines of my jeans. I cried out, arching against him. We were both panting lightly now, and I trailed my hand up his back, where a slight sheen of sweat had begun to develop.

His hands slowly toyed with the button of my jeans before finally undoing it, unzipping them slowly. He pulled them from my legs and they fell to the floor. I reached up hesitantly, meeting his eyes, asking silently for permission. He nodded and I pulled his pants off, the only thing between us now being boxers. Those too were quickly disregarded, and he fell back on top of me, kisses more frantic now. His movements above me were quicker and the friction was explosive. "Mello," I moaned and he pulled away, trailing kisses down my chest then taking my cock in one hand. He slid a finger down it and I gasped, but he didn't stop there, giving me a small smirk before closing his lips around the tip.

"A-ah! Mello!" He sucked slightly at the tip before taking more of me in, tongue moving over my shaft slowly. He held my hips down, as I was far past the ability to think coherently about restraining myself. "Oh, Mello! Mello!" I could barely get his name out, fingers twisting in the sheets. He hummed and the vibrations only made me cry out louder. Then his head was bobbing, taking more of me in. "Oh God, Mello!" I didn't want to take my eyes off the erotic sight but finally had to close them, though he didn't linger there much longer before backing away.

"Are you ready?" he asked breathlessly and I could only manage a nod. "I-I have lube," he breathed out, opening the bedside drawer to locate it. He coated his fingers with it before gently guiding my legs further apart. The first finger didn't exactly feel uncomfortable, just weird. The second sent a twinge of pain down my spine and I cringed. "Sorry," he murmured guiltily, continuing to stretch me. He added a third and I bit my lip against the cry of pain wanting to rip forward. He continued to stretch me until the pain faded before lubing his own cock and lifting my hips slightly, positioning himself at my entrance.

"You ready?" he asked again, and I nodded. "Try to relax," he said as he slowly pushed inside. I couldn't hold back a cry of pain as he thrust in. My body rejected the intrusion and I couldn't help but tense. My eyes shut tightly, trying to ward back the tears of pain. Mello sheathed himself fully then suddenly his hand was there, stroking me, and his lips were against mine, gentle. "Fuck… you need to relax Matty. It'll get better, just relax." Under his ministrations I finally did, and he pulled back. He was biting his lip, holding back from just thrusting into me quickly. "You okay?"

I nodded. "Move." He did, slowly at first. His movements still sent waves of pain through my body but I tried to hold them back.

"I'm sorry," he managed, still moving. Slowly, the pain began to give away to pleasure, and I was moaning his name instead of cringing. His pace increased as the pain faded. "Matt," he groaned softly as he moved.

The pain was all but gone now. "Faster," I moaned, and he obliged, thrusting deeper at different angles until he hit something that had me crying out without restraint, the pleasure so immense that it was impossible to describe. "Oh God! There! Mels again, please!" He pounded into me now, hitting my prostate with every thrust. His pace had grown frantic and I couldn't think straight anymore, completely overwhelmed by his skin against mine, him moving inside of me and his scent and everything that was him. The entire world fell away and I wasn't sure where he ended and where I began. All I knew was I wanted more. I wanted him deeper and closer and as our eyes met I knew he felt the same.

I was meeting his thrusts now and his hand came up to pump my cock in time with his thrusts. "Fuck, Mello, I…I'm going to…" I couldn't finish the sentence, unable to get enough air into my lungs. The feeling was growing inside me and I knew I was close and with one more deep thrust it was over. "Mello!" I screeched his name, arching upwards as the orgasm hit me, completely stealing my breath away. My eyes shut of their own accord and pleasure unlike I have ever experienced filled me. I came back to myself, feeling Mello's thrusts slow as he called out my name. He collapsed against me, breathing deeply for several minutes before pulling out and rolling off me. He lifted an arm and I curled against him, laying my head on his chest. Both his arms came around me and he placed a soft kiss on the top of head.

"You were incredible," he whispered, voice weak.

"You too," I mumbled sleepily. "You were perfect."

He laughed breathlessly. "Fuck Matt… I think…"

I smiled, cuddling closer and closing my eyes tiredly. "Yes, Mello, I think so too."

/…/…/…/

AN: Whew, there you have it, my first lemon haha. I wasn't sure if it was too soon after they made up, but the make up sex seemed like a good, deep connection of trust for them. Also Mello is VERY nice in this one XD But Matty's having a rough time, so I think he can be forgiven. Sorry for the delay but I'm very busy right now. Updates may be a bit slow, I have twenty five days left until the semester is over and tons to do. Anyway hope you all enjoyed!


	11. Celebration

**AN: These two are like a drug addiction and I am in short supply haha. Matt and Mello have been my main obsession for two years. I can't even believe it! They're too epic to give up.**

**Anyway sorry for the delay, I am a bit uninspired, mostly because school is just killing me. End of the semester is very stressful, but three weeks from now I will be DONE and I cannot wait**.

/…/…/…/

Chapter 11: Celebration

"So what do you want to do for your birthday?" I asked Mello several days later from my spot sprawled across his bed. I was flipping through my chemistry textbook, reading but not absorbing the chapter we had been assigned to read by tomorrow. It didn't matter; he never called on people unless they volunteered anyway.

"I don't know," he said, messing with his stereo. "I used to go out with friends but you're the only person I really know."

"Good to know my company is appreciated," I grumbled as I turned the page.

He rolled his eyes at me before settling on a station and walking towards me. "Whatever. My parents usually make a big dinner; you can come if you want. And I guess we could go out and do something, as long as no one will see us."

I was really getting sick of this 'no one seeing us' thing. We had been dating for over a month. We'd had sex, we should be able to kiss in public. I flipped the page in the textbook disinterestedly, not saying anything.

He crawled onto the bed and sat on my back. I make a small 'umph' sound and craned my neck to glare at him, but he merely smirked and leaned towards me, connecting our lips. I complied easily, trying to turn towards him. Instead of facing him, I threw him off balance, and we landed on our sides, facing each other. This didn't stop us and our lips were connected again instantly, his hand slowly trailing down my neck, past my shoulders and down my back-

"Boys."

We sprung apart and looked up. Mello's mother was standing in the doorway, arms crossed. I smiled weakly. "Hey Mrs. Keehl."

"Hi mom," he echoed.

She glared slightly and we both cringed guiltily. Mrs. Keehl was one person you did not want to make angry. She was an incredibly sweet person, and even before I was dating Mello she treated me extremely well, but she had a temper on her. Plus, she had the ability to make you feel bad about whatever small thing she disapproved of. I wasn't used to it.

"I've told you boys to leave the door open," she stated sternly.

"Sorry," we both muttered.

She sighed and rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. "Honestly. Anyway I just came to ask Matt if he was going to stay for dinner." She turned towards me and I nodded. "Alright, it should be done in about an hour." She turned and left, keeping the door open.

We listened to the sound of her footsteps as she left, the stairs creaking creepily under her feet until she reached the bottom, the type of creaking that would freak you out in the middle of the night if someone ventured downstairs for a cup of water. Mello flopped back down on the bed and rolled over so his head was settled comfortably on my lap, smiling up at me. "Where were we?"

"But, your mom-" I started to say.

"Oh she doesn't care," he insisted, sliding upwards until he was seated in my lap.

"So, about your birthday," I said, trying to distract him.

He rolled his eyes. "Matt, it's not a big deal. Just come over and hang out." He leaned towards me to connect our lips but I pulled back. This didn't bother him; he simply redirected his attention to my neck, making it very hard to focus.

"We do that all the time."

"And it's fun, so don't worry about it. You're having fun with me now, right?" he questioned, moving upwards to face me.

"Of course, but-"

"Then stop worrying about it," he insisted, kissing me again, and the thought fell away carelessly in favor of regaining my motor skills enough to pull him closer.

Mello's lack of enthusiasm did not detract from me wanting to celebrate his birthday. I didn't have a lot of personal experience with birthdays of course, but I knew how people usually celebrated. My birthday was a reminder of mom's death…for most people it was a celebration of a life. But there was cake and gifts and parties, and surely I could manage one or more for Mello.

A party seemed like a stretch, since he wasn't really friends with many people here, but a gift was doable. I had money so I could afford something; my problem was I had no idea what to get him.

But, a small thought was working its way through my brain. Several years ago Michelle, who could bake absolutely anything and make it taste like the best sweet you'd ever eaten, and Joe, who probably just stood around and watched since he couldn't even make ramen, had baked me a German chocolate cake for my birthday and had presented it to me in the café. It had been one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for me.

So that settled it, I would make him a German chocolate cake! He liked chocolate, and sure his parents would probably buy him a fancy decorated cake from the store with his name printed on it in swirling blue letters, but I was sure he'd appreciate it, so I'd bake him one anyway. After all, how hard could it be?

/…/…/…/

Baking a German chocolate cake in fact, turned out to be very hard.

Baking was a messy business. First I had needed to skip school one day because I would get nothing accomplished if my dad and David were home. Plus I had to spend money on all the ingredients, because why the hell would my dad ever buy any?

And it was messy. Really…fucking…messy.

The recipe said to mix the "dry" ingredients in a separate bowl, which seemed rather pointless to me, but I did it anyway, quickly measuring the baking soda and sugar and pouring it into the bowl. I was supposed to 'sift' the flour, but I had no idea what that meant or what to even use. "What the fuck?" I muttered to myself as I dug through the drawers and cabinets, looking for something that may be able to 'sift' flour.

My dad had left all my mom's old baking stuff under the sink so I dug through it, thinking maybe the contraptions would have labels. I pulled out a mixer, extra measuring cups, pans, a rolling pin with cookie cutters, along with weird items I'd never imagined existed for baking like some weird handle with tons of blades and some light thing that almost looked like a strainer. I gave up and just poured the flour in without 'sifting' it, cursing to myself when I spilled a bunch of flour on the floor. I'd get back to it later…

I melted the butter next, having to melt an entire new stick since I burned the first one in the microwave by mistake. The second attempt worked so I added the other ingredients, accidently bumping the open bottle of oil with my elbow and spilling it across the floor. I growled and moved to grab a paper towel but my feet slid on the oil and slipped out from under me and somehow I ended up on the floor, the back of my head falling smack dab in the middle of a sticky mess of spilled flour and oil.

"Gross," I grunted, rolling over and sitting up. I could feel the oily substance dripping down my neck and under my shirt. I pulled off my shirt abruptly, wiping the oil and flour off my neck and back. I tried to get it out of my hair but was rather unsuccessful, so I tossed my shirt to the floor and continued baking.

By the time I finally finished adding all the ingredients (and trashing the kitchen, I'd have to clean up quickly) I was exhausted. I tried to brush some melted chocolate off my face, which only succeeded in getting _more_ melted chocolate on my face, then opened the oven and shoved the cake batter in.

It was halfway through cleaning the kitchen that I realized I had never turned the oven on.

Somehow, I managed to clean the kitchen and hide the completed cake in my room before my dad and David got home, so overall it was a successful day.

Mello's birthday came a day later, on Saturday. I was supposed to meet him at his house at four for an early dinner, proceeded by whatever we felt like doing for the rest of the evening. It gave me plenty of time to go out and buy his gift, which I hoped he would like.

I arrived a little early, cake and gift (stuffed into the cheapest birthday bag I could find, since I'd spent a weeks' paycheck on the gift and cake) in hand. Mello's mother met me at the door and invited me in warmly. She placed my gift with the small pile of presents sitting on the floor besides the leather couch. "What a lovely cake," she said as we took my creation to the kitchen.

I shuffled awkwardly. "Yeah, I've never baked before so I'm not sure how it turned out."

"I'm sure it will taste wonderful," she stated optimistically, in that confident way that caring mother's do. She'd probably be one of those people to smile and compliment someone's baked goods as she swallowed pieces of egg shell. "Well dinner is not for another half hour or so, you can go up to him if you like."

I smiled and thanked her, thundering up the stairs to Mello's room and slamming through the door, laughing when he jumped in surprise. "Happy Birthday!"

"God, Matt, you nearly gave me a heart attack," he grumbled, but rose from the bed and sauntered forward, falling easily into my arms.

I grinned and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. "That would suck, since you have just officially become an adult! Excited?"

He shrugged. "I guess there are perks, but there are downsides. For example," he said, letting his fingers trail up my arm in some sort of teasing walk before leaning closer so his mouth was by my ear, breath hot against it. "It means I can't fuck you anymore without it being rape."

"I won't call the cops on you," I practically purr and he chuckles.

"Doesn't make it any less illegal," he reminds me, pulling back and taking a step away.

I pout and catch his hand with mine, moving closer. "Oh come on Mels."

"Aw, aren't you just the cutest thing?" he coos, pinching my cheek and laughing when I scowl at him. "I'm sorry, but I am far beyond your maturity level. You are still a child while I am a legal adult." He laughs again when I launch myself forward and pin him to the bed, instigating a rather heated kiss.

We occupied ourselves with kissing until dinner was ready. Mrs. Keehl had made a rump roast with roasted potatoes and green beans. Dinner passed quickly, alive with conversation and laughter. I loved eating dinner at Mello's house because the atmosphere was completely carefree, so unlike my own home.

"Why are there two cakes here?" Mello asked sometime later.

"Um, I made it," I said and Mello turned towards me, looking surprised.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"What kind?" he questioned, staring down at it. It wasn't the most brilliant looking cake in the world, frosting spread unevenly across the surface and probably a little flatter than it should be.

"German chocolate," I answered.

We lit candles and sang happy birthday in loud obnoxious voices then ate slices of both cakes. The store's cake was certainly better than mine, but it wasn't _bad_, and Mello ate every bite of it.

Next was presents, and he saved mine for last, first tearing the colored paper from his parent's gifts. He revealed several new books and headphones, along with a pair of tight black jeans and a shiny black belt. He opened mine more slowly, and gaped down at it when he pulled away the cheap tissue paper.

It was a leather bound notebook, the leather dark brown and soft, with a silk bookmark attached to it. A small, thin strip of leather ran around the notebook to keep it closed. The notebook was thick and would hold plenty of words, the blank pages pristine and ready to be used. Finally he looked up at me and I shrugged slightly. "You're always writing in class when you're bored, and you seemed more like a notebook type than a computer type, so I thought you could use something nice to write your thoughts down in."

He smiled one of the most breathtaking smiles I had ever seen from him. "I love it."

We retreated to his room not long after, bidding his parents goodnight as we climbed the stairs. We were lying together on his bed, limbs intertwined, when he asked why I baked him a cake. "Well," I told him, shifting into a more comfortable position, cuddling even closer in content as he ran his hand through my hair. "You know how my family is, so we don't celebrate, you know? But, a couple years ago, Michelle and Joe baked me this amazing German chocolate cake and it just meant a lot, you know?" I asked, feeling his nod above me. "And you like chocolate so I thought you'd like it."

"I love German chocolate cake," he said quietly. I smiled and closed my eyes, dozing slightly as Mello's hand stroke lazily through my hair. "Thank you; it's been a great birthday."

/…/…/…/

The entire situation left me feeling nostalgic the next day, and I realized that since I had started dating Mello, I had seen less and less of Michelle and Joe. Just because I had a boyfriend didn't mean I should just drop my friends. Guilty, I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Michelle's number.

The phone rang once and I sat on my bed. It rang two more times before Michelle picked up. "Hello?" she answered. I could hear music blaring in the background. I smiled as she hummed along with the song, knowing she had probably been dancing around and singing at the top of her lungs moments ago, despite it being after eleven at night.

"Hey."

"Hey, Matt," she said, sounding pleased. The music grew quiet. "What's up? I haven't talked to you in like, forever…or it feels like forever."

"Yeah I know, I've been busy," I told her. "How are things going with Joe?"

"He seems to flirt with me but he hasn't asked me out yet," she said after a few seconds of hesitation.

"You should ask him, he's being a total loser," I advised.

"You think?" she asked. "Maybe…" she trailed off. "So what did you do this weekend?"

"It was Mello's birthday so I hung out with him. Oh, you'll never guess what I spent half the day trying to do on Friday. You remember that German chocolate cake you made me a couple years ago?" I asked. As I told her my baking tale I thought about how my life had changed recently, and really everything was going rather well. I had good friends and a wonderful boyfriend, and I had never been happier.

/…/…/…/

**AN: A fluffy chapter for you all, but don't worry, it's not over yet! I'll try to update soon…just a couple more weeks of school!**

**Side note: You know how on Microsoft word it tries to make you fix grammer and change words to other words? So when I typed "we were lying together on his bed", it wanted me to change it to "we were playing together on his bed." Good to know Microsoft knows Matt and Mello XD**


	12. Dinner Party

AN: Finally the semester has ended, so hopefully I will be able to get these chapters out for you more quickly :)

/…/…/…/

Chapter 12: Dinner Party

"Does the heat even work in this fucking house?" Mello asked, teeth chattering as I dug through my closet. "It's like being stuck in a freezer!" he complained. I rolled my eyes and pulled a sweatshirt from its hanger, tossing it behind me for Mello to catch and continuing to search through my closet. I had thrown my sweatshirt I had worn last night into the closet carelessly when I arrived home some time after two, and my wallet had been in the pocket. I'd rather not leave that lying around for David to rummage through.

"We're not staying, stop whining," I muttered distractedly, checking the pocket of my sweatshirt and cursing when I did not find my wallet and moving my search to the cluttered floor of my closet.

I sensed Mello wander away and glanced over my shoulder to see him inspecting my room. I turned away to continue searching, knowing both David and my dad would be home soon, and them meeting Mello was something I really did not want to experience.

"So…this is where you sleep?"

I turn around and blushed crimson to see him sprawled across my bed on his back. He rolled onto his side to face me, smirking and gestured me closer. I averted my eyes for a minute, finally finding my wallet. I stuffed it into my pocket and stood, not looking directly at the jumpable blond sprawled across my bed. "Okay, let's go."

"Wait a minute, I am still taking in your room," he said, stretching obnoxiously, back arching off my bed and shirt slowly rising up to expose a sliver of his tantalizing stomach.

"We've been here for almost five minutes, that's long enough," I told him. When he made no move to get up I took hold of his wrist and gave it a sharp tug, but he pulled back and I fell forwards and landed on top of him. "Mello!" I growled, but his smirk didn't fade as he rolled over so I was looking up at him. "Mello, stop." He pressed his lips to mine. I tried to push him back but he caught my wrists and pushed them above my head, securing them with one steady hand, the other trailing down my chest. I wrenched my mouth away and looked at the clock anxiously. "Seriously, stop. We can't."

"Don't worry," he murmured against my lips. It was very hard not to give in to him. "We'll hear when they come home, and the door is closed."

He tightened his fingers around my wrists when I tried to pull away again, just enough to sting. His lips were moving against mine, hand trailing slow patterns across my chest and stomach, and finally I let myself respond, parting my lips slightly. He took the invitation immediately and soon his tongue was in my mouth.

That was all it took for me to completely forget my surroundings. Before I knew what was happening, his hand was under my shirt, one of his knees between my legs. I desperately wanted to touch him, but he still had a strong grip on my wrists, and I was forced to let him proceed however he wanted.

His lips moved from my lips, to my jaw, to my neck, and I was just starting to get excited when the sound of the door slamming caused me to freeze. Mello lunged off of me and straightened his shirt. I sat up hastily and straightened my own, running a hand quickly through my hair. I glanced at the clock, they were late, had probably stopped at a bar for a drink, and strode towards the door. "Come on."

He stepped up behind me and I took a slow breath before pushing the door open, glancing out of my room. I didn't see anyone so I ushered him out and towards the living room, hoping that we may be able to escape without either of them noticing.

"Hey, Matt, who's this?"

I froze, jaw tightening as David's voice rang out through the living room. My eyes fluttered shut briefly before giving in to the inevitable and slowly turning around. "Hey, David. This is my friend, Mello. Mello, my brother David."

Mello turned as well and pasted a pleasant smile on his face. "Nice to meet you."

David's eyes slid towards Mello and ran over him from head to toe. My hands clenched into fists and I bit my lip to stop myself from saying something. His gaze remained for a while, eyes narrowed, before he turned back towards me. "So, this is _him_."

I inwardly cringed at the way he spat 'him,' as if Mello were some filthy animal I dragged in off the street. Mello looked like he wanted to say something but held back, face more of a grimace than a smile now. We were saved from speaking when my dad wandered in, beer bottle hanging loosely from his hand. "Who is him?" he asked.

I fought the urge to shift, very uncomfortable with Mello being in the same room with my family. It was all his fault for distracting me with those lips! I cleared my throat. "Dad, this is my friend, Mello."

He studied him, though not nearly as long as David. "Matt never brings any friends home. He's always off at your house ain't he?"

"Well, he comes over, yeah," he said, seemingly unsure of how to answer.

"Why don't you come over here for dinner one day instead?" David asked and I gawped at him. We never even had dinner, why in the world was David inviting him over?

Mello didn't seem particularly pleased by the idea but nodded. "Sure, sounds great."

I had a terrible feeling that this was not going to end well.

/…/…/…/

The dinner came faster than I hoped it would, the days passing quickly, as they always do when you wish time would just slow down. I didn't know what David was hoping to accomplish, but it couldn't be anything good. We hadn't ever invited anyone to dinner before.

Not that I'd consider it much of a dinner. Mello was coming over at seven. It was quarter to and we had just ordered pizza. I thought of the dinners I had at Mello's house and sighed. Who invited someone to dinner and ordered pizza?

My dad was already drinking and David was wandering the house, looking pleased with himself. This was another sign of bad things to come.

The doorbell rang not long after and I moved to answer the door. David was in the kitchen and my dad was already seated at the table. I opened the door and smiled weakly at Mello. "Hey."

"Hey," he echoed. I moved aside and let him in. "So…"

"Yeah," I said. What was there to say really? Not much, with my family lurking nearby. We kept up small talk until the pizza arrived then took it into the kitchen, where we all took our seats and served ourselves.

"So, you're the kid Matt is always with," my dad said, as if he hadn't met Mello several days ago. I looked down at the table, already ready for the night to be over. "We don't see Matt around here much anymore!"

Mello smiled politely. "Sorry about that. I'm new and he's been showing me around."

"We don't care, keep him as long as you like," David said, taking an obnoxiously large bite of the greasy pizza that was sitting on his plate. I saw Mello twitch slightly. Now that I had told him about my family, he could detect the actual malice behind David's words.

We ate in tense silence for several minutes. Or, Mello and I were tense. David seemed calculating, which made me nervous, but my dad was oblivious, already on his third slice of pizza. I glanced at Mello but he was studying his pizza.

My dad left the room to get yet another beer, stumbling slightly as he reached his seat. I slowly took a deep breath, telling myself it would be over soon enough. The silence was killing me though, so finally I brought up the chemistry test we had in a couple days, just to talk about something. The subject ate up an entire minute of our time.

After that silence descended again, and I was wracking my brain for some safe topic when my brother spoke. "So, Mello, what are your plans for after high school?" David asked abruptly.

Mello looked up from his food. "Well, I should be hearing back from my top schools in the next couple of months so-"

"Yeah?" he asked. "Matt wants to go to college too, don't you Matt?"

"Yes," I muttered.

"He can't afford it of course, even with his shitty job, so he keeps trying to get scholarships. He doesn't think his life is good enough."

I didn't know where this was heading, but it couldn't be anywhere good. I ducked my head and poked at my pizza. Mello seemed to have no idea what to say to that. Would friends (boyfriends) normally speak up when a family member said something like that? Was my situation just different because we weren't out? Well, I suppose most families aren't as screwed up as mine. At least I hope not, because that would really suck.

"What are you going into?" David probed.

"…Criminal justice and psychology I think…"

"Psychology?" my dad asked. "You're trying to join those nutjobs? They don't know what people are thinking or why. The only person who knows what's going on upstairs is themselves." He stuffed the last bite of pizza in his mouth, muttering "useless field," as he chewed. Mello looked stunned and I met his eyes, silently apologizing. "You wanna catch criminals? They're never gonna go away kid, what's the point?"

"Yeah, criminals are everywhere and police are fucking useless," David added.

"And he," my dad said, gesturing towards me, "wants to do some crap with computers! Talk about useless!"

David was positively gleeful at this point. My dad's voice was starting to slur, and he'd already gotten him against me. "I'm making it just fine without college. Matt just wants to leave because he's ashamed of us."

I bit my lip to stop myself from calling them out for the hypocrites they were.

But Mello apparently could not hold back a scoff at this. Both my dad and David looked at him, David's eyes narrowing slightly, and Mello quickly smothered his face back into a neutral expression.

My dad shook of his interruption, drinking a gulp of beer before speaking. "He's got nothing to be ashamed of. Education is useless. People going to college are useless, actin' like they're gonna make any difference."

I wanted to sink into the floor and die. I had known this would not be pleasant, but they had wasted no time in starting the attacks, and once they had gotten going, the attacks weren't stopping.

"Have a girl, Mello?" David asked suddenly and we both stiffened. David was smirking and I clenched the edge of the table.

"No," he responded hesitantly.

"Just like Matt then. He's too nerdy to get himself a girl. He'd be lucky to get anyone to give him a second glance." Mello's jaw tightened and David's smirk grew. This was not good and was quickly spiraling out of control. "Personally I'd be surprised if anyone ever went for him. I can't imagine how much of a loser that person will be."

Mello was outright scowling now and opened his mouth, as if to say something.

"Fuck," my dad slurred, knocking his plate and slice of pizza on the floor. He pushed the chair back and got on his knees, crawling under the table to pick it up as David leered at us.

"Know what I can't stand? Those fucking out and proud fags. They're not real men. They're unnatural, don't you think?" I froze, and Mello looked positively enraged. David was looking back and forth between us, a sudden victorious gleam in his eyes. Before any of us could say anything my dad bumped the table, causing David's beer to crash to the floor. "Damnit dad," he growled, standing and stalking towards the kitchen.

"Let's go," I said, standing quickly, not caring how weird it would look for us to leave during dinner. I couldn't be in the same room with them right now. Mello stood and followed me to the door. We walked briskly across my lawn and to the sidewalk. I hadn't been prepared for such a harsh attack. And by the way David was acting, surely he suspected something. There was no way he couldn't have. Why else would he say those things?

I didn't slow until my house was out of sight. It was only then that I finally let myself come to a stop, Mello coming to stand beside me. "I'm so sorry," I said finally.

"It's okay," Mello said quietly, hand brushing my shoulder.

"No it's not!" I yelled, wrenching myself backwards and turning to face him. "They had no right to say that stuff! It was awful, and it had nothing to do with you. It's just me, don't let it bother you."

"Matt…"

"All those education jabs, fine, whatever! But when they started in on…" I trailed off, not even knowing what to call it. "And David knows you're gay, for him to just…he suspects, and he's only doing it because he's pissed off at me. I don't understand why he hates me so much! I didn't mean to kill her!"

Mello was frowning. "Matt."

"If I could change it I would," I insisted. "But I can't! If it wasn't for me-"

"Stop right there," Mello growled. "It is not your fault, I told you that. You had no control over what happened to your mom. This…thing with David stemmed from that, but he can't act this way just because of that."

"Oh good, he hates me for other reasons too."

He moved closer. "You know what I mean. Nothing would have changed his mind. It would have been jealous hatred or something, if she had lived. Whatever his reasons, they're not your fault. It's not your fault they treat you so badly. Hey…" he paused, leading me to sit on the curb. I'd never been so shaken up over my family before. I couldn't change anything, so I tried not to think about it, but ever since Mello had come into my life, telling me how I didn't deserve this, seeing his family and how they treated him, it really made it hurt. My throat was tight, and Mello put an arm around my shoulder, squeezing tightly. "Shh, it's okay. You'll be out of there in a few months and you'll never have to see them again."

I leaned into his embrace, hiding my face against his shoulder. "What if I don't get enough scholarships? I'll be forced to stay there. I can't do that. I _can't_."

Both of Mello's arms were around me now. "You won't get stuck there. You're smart. It will all work out."

"How do you know?" I questioned.

"I just do," he said confidently.

We sat there in comfortable silence for nearly fifteen minutes, not speaking, not _needing_ to. I had no reason to believe him, but I did. Mello made everything easier.

"Matt?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm kind of cold. Mind if we go to your house so I can get my car? You can come over, stay as late as you want…unless you want to get back because of them."

I shook my head. "No, let's get your car. I'd love to come over."

To somewhere safe, somewhere I belonged.


	13. Family

Chapter 13: Family

"Oh the weather outside is frightful!"

"Ugh." Grumble.

"But the fire is so delightful!"

"Mgh."

"And since we've no place to go…"

"Stop." Whine.

"Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!"

"Oh God just shut up," I growled, rolling off my bed and stumbling towards my dresser, slamming on the alarm to turn the sickeningly cheerful song off. Blessed silence filled my room and I threw myself back on my bed, struggling with the covers a moment before straightening them out enough to curl up in.

Life at home had, if possible, grown even worse since the dinner. It wasn't so much my dad bothering me, but around Christmas he drank a lot more. Now, with Christmas less than a week away, he always had a drink in hand, and more often than not, he was less than sober. David on the other hand, stopped at nothing to keep an eye on me. He always trailed me to the door, watching out the window when I went to greet Mello. Drunk or not, he was there when I got home, questioning me, smirking and making implications about what Mello and I had been doing. It had made me paranoid, and I was always looking over my shoulder for him. Since Mello and I were not public, I had relatively little to worry about, but I still only really felt safe from prying eyes while in Mello's home.

Mello's parents…who didn't care if we held hands or hugged or kissed. Sure they didn't encourage…other…activities, but really, overall they didn't seem to care at all that we were together. In fact, his parents seemed to really like having me around, as long as we left Mello's door open when I was over.

I rolled over and looked at the clock and groaned, knowing I had to get up. I reminded myself it was the last day of school before winter break, and then I'd have two weeks to sleep as long as I wanted to and slack off. This thought finally convinced me to get off my lazy (yes I admitted it) ass and get ready for school, not that we would do much. We were making ice cream in chemistry out of snow, salt, and milk. It should be an interesting day.

Thirty minutes later, ready to go, I emerged from my room and moved into the kitchen. I searched through the cupboards for something edible, though it looked like my dad hadn't been shopping in the past two weeks. I doubted he'd go until after the holidays so I'd probably have to go after school. Great. Annoyed, I grabbed a couple granola bars and plopped down at the kitchen table, tearing into one of them and sulking towards the clock, hoping Mello would pick me up soon.

My house was so depressing during the holidays. Not a single spark of holiday cheer could be found in my house. We had no tree, no lights, and no decorations of any kind. Christmas was barely even mentioned, even on the actual day itself.

Mello's house in comparison was almost overflowing with Christmas cheer. They had a large, live Christmas tree in the living room, strung with blinking lights and tinsel. Draped through the house were strands of garland and holly, and tacky Christmas Santa's could be found on all surfaces of their home. The outside of their house was decorated with lights as well. It wasn't overdone, but very nice. It felt very welcoming for the holiday season, and there seemed to be a lingering scent of gingerbread to accompany the softly playing Christmas music every time I had gone there in the past two weeks.

The horn beeped and I smiled involuntarily, standing and going outside, glad to not have to face my family at all on my way out. It was the start of a good day.

/…/…/…/

Sadly, those good days only lasted in the company of Mello, leading up to Christmas. I rolled out of bed Christmas morning, already dreading the day. In turn, this made me angry, because Christmas was a day I should enjoy, not dread.

It was ten thirty and both my dad and David had been up all night drinking, so they'd probably be in the middle of a hangover. Guessing it was safe to venture out, I slowly moved into the kitchen to raid the fridge. Finding nothing particularly appealing I shoved some bread in the toaster and poured mself some water. I cringed at the noise the toaster made as my slightly burnt pieces of toast popped out, and quickly tossed them on a plate, spreading a gracious amount of butter on the slices before dodging back into my room just as I heard David stumble towards the bathroom.

I took a large bite of my toast in victory and turned on my DS, content to block out the world for the rest of the day.

As it turned out, that didn't last very long. A couple hours later they were awake, the radio blaring. I sighed and tried to lose myself in my game, but it was difficult with the music thumping. It was especially difficult when my door crashed open and David stumbled in. "Matt!" he cried out. "Join the party!" He gulped down more beer and my heart sunk. I did not want to spend the rest of Christmas watching them make fools of themselves. I tried to ignore him but he let himself in, swaying how way towards my bed, muttering drunkenly the entire time. I didn't get up until he grabbed my sleeve and pulled and I grudgingly followed him into the living room.

Dad was sitting in his favorite chair, smoking. I paused and stared, because my dad had never smoked before. It was an expensive habit, one he couldn't afford if he wanted to buy his precious alcohol. "Since when do you smoke?" I asked.

"And a Merry Christmas to you too," he toasted, raising his cigarette in the air before bringing it back to his mouth.

I rolled my eyes and slumped into the pea green couch cushions, bouncing slightly as the spring dug into my ass. I shifted, finally lying across the couch and staring at the floor, filthy with dirt. If I shifted my focus I could see my dad's rocked feet, tapping off beat to the music. This really bothered me for some reason but I shoved it down, knowing picking a fight over something that stupid wasn't worth my energy.

My mood steadily worsened as their drinking continued, and before I knew it, it was after six. Thankful that the overrated holiday known as Christmas was almost over, I wandered into the kitchen in search of dinner, which at least gave me an excuse to avoid my family for a little while.

It didn't last long, since David came in as I was eating my sandwich to make his own. I watched as he struggled to get the bread open, fingers fumbling with the twisty for nearly two minutes before he gave up and ripped the bag open instead.

He also struggled with opening the mayonnaise, which was entertaining for me at least. When he finally managed to finish making his sandwich he glared at me and I knew it was time to leave the room. I stood and turned as he began to talk. "Wha' d'you have be smilin' about?" he questioned. I ignored him and moved quickly to the living room. I could hear his voice reverberating off the kitchen walls as he worked himself into a rant, but I really did not need to hear accusations from him on Christmas.

David followed me though, voice rising as he went. She would have been here today if not for me, how fun Christmas used to be, how happy they were before I came along. Nothing I hadn't heard before. I tried to tune him out as I sat on the couch, watching dad light another cigarette. He seemed a lot more relaxed with them…maybe it was a good thing.

Maybe David should try them.

David, who was still going on about past Christmases. Could he never give it a rest?

"Don't think mom woulda wanted a faggot fer a son!"

My heart skipped a beat at that but I refused to look at him, to give him the clues and satisfaction from a reaction. I just stared at the smoke, slowly drifting upwards from the cigarette, higher and higher.

"I bet you and 'im are doin' stuff. You gotta be. You like 'im too much," he accused. Still, I did not look up. "An' ya ran off 'fore dinner was done, after I talked 'bout fags." Just block him out, block him out.

Think of Mello's home, with the twinkling lights and lit candles through the house. The delicious dinner they were probably eating, or had eaten, in celebration. Think of Mello's arms, so protective, so caring-

"He fuck you? I'm gonna find out, and when I do, I'm gonna….gonna, you just wait," he threatened.

I felt my heart rate increase without my permission. He didn't have proof, he didn't have anything. If I didn't react, if I was quiet, and careful, he'd never know. I was fine. He didn't know. He would never know.

He had just started to rant about something else when my dad's lit cigarette fell from his hand and landed between the chair's cushion and the armrest. I rolled my eyes at his stupefied expression. He pushed himself out of the chair and looked at it.

I snorted and leaned back on the couch, closing my eyes and letting my head rest against the back cushions. David was finally quiet and I was just starting to relax when I smelled the smoke. My eyes flew open and darted to the chair, where clouds of smoke were rising from the cushion. I jumped up and leaped forward. Could a cigarette set a chair on fire? It wasn't likely was it? There was smoke but really, a fire? I looked at my dad and brother who were just staring at the chair and rushed to the kitchen. We didn't have a fire extinguisher so I grabbed a glass and filled it with water. I rushed back to the living room and poured the water through the crack. It took the entire glass but the smoke finally died.

My dad burst into laughter and David joined him. Sudden anger gripped me and I slammed the glass son the end table and stalked towards the door. It was hilarious, nearly burning down the house. Just terrific!

I honestly didn't think about disrupting Mello's family on Christmas until I reached the door and rang the bell, but as soon as I did I felt guilty. Why should I impose just because my family was being stupid? I wanted to turn around and walk away but before I could Mello had opened the door. "Matt? What are you doing here?"

"I…nothing, just saying Merry Christmas," I said, forcing a smile. "So, I'll be going-"

"Wait." He paused, watching me a moment before speaking. "We're finishing dinner now and have tons of leftovers, come have some."

I shook my head. "No, I didn't mean to impose."

"You're not; my mom went overboard and there is a ton left. She won't mind."

I relented. "If you're sure…"

He smiled. "Don't worry; you can help with dishes to earn your keep. Afterwards we're going to watch a Christmas movie. Want to stay?"

I shrugged. "I mean, don't your parents want to be with you?"

"They'll still be with me. They love you, don't worry," he said, dragging me inside and shutting the door behind me. "Hey mom, dad, Matt is here, can he stay for dinner and the movie?" Mello yelled.

And suddenly I was a part of a Christmas dinner and family traditions, and really, the holiday wasn't bad at all.

Maybe I owed my dad for setting the chair on fire.


	14. Conflicting Viewpoints

Chapter 14: Conflicting Viewpoints

"Matt! Matt guess what?" Michelle's shrill voice rang beside my ear and I winced, turning from my locker to look at the girl bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet, twisting a stand of hair in her hand impatiently. Her cheeks were red, smile glowing, and I had the feeling I knew what it was about. I opened my mouth but she hurried on before I could speak. "Joe asked me out!"

I smiled genuinely. "That's great Michelle."

"I know!" she shrieked, jumping forward and flinging her arms around my neck. I blinked, surprised, and squeezed her quickly before pulling back. "It was so cute because he was so awkward asking me out. I can't believe he really asked me!"

I nodded. "That's awesome."

Michelle then began to give me every single detail leading up to said ask out moment. I met Mello's glittering eyes over her shoulder but turned back to Michelle as her voice rose. "Hi Joe."

Indeed, Joe was ambling up to us, a pleased smirk on his face. "Hey," he said. Michelle turned towards Joe to hug him, which was not unusual, but Joe kept an arm around her shoulder when she turned towards me again. "I assume you've heard?" he asked.

I just nodded and watched Michelle melt against his side, craning her neck to look at the much taller boy. She tilted her head and he kissed her forehead quickly. Her cheeks reddened and I smiled at the cute display but inside I deflated a bit. They were lucky. No one in the hall gave the new couple a second look. If I even leaned my shoulder against Mello's, people would start staring…

I shoved the smile back on my face as Michelle giggled and Joe pulled her into his arms.

Over the next week, the new couple got worse and worse. They had that 'new couple' air. They were always looking at each other in classes, meeting up in the halls between every class, flirting, touching, kissing; everything any couple should get to do.

Every straight couple could do it…but not us.

I was happy for them, of course I was. The two had been dancing around each other for over a year, both afraid to make the first move, and they deserved to have their public relationship. But, Mello and I deserved it too. It just wasn't fair.

Mello's old points still stood, but it didn't change that I hated hiding. I had always hated hiding our relationship, and now watching Joe and Michelle, I hated it even more.

I wanted to show Mello off; I wanted people to know we were together. I didn't want to be afraid of these people…could all of them really be that bad? I had known a lot of them most of my life; they wouldn't just start hating me would they?

Mello said at his old school he was pretty accepted. He had been out at his old school, and I wanted to come out too. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad…how did we know that people would care? Sure Mello had received some backlash, but that hadn't lasted very long. He got some looks but that was all, people had mostly moved on to the next piece of high school gossip.

We could be like that…we could feed the gossipers a couple weeks then move on and just be open at school. It was high school so some scandal was sure to break out soon enough, leaving us forgotten.

I watched as Michelle smiled and turned towards Joe, stretching on tip toe to wind her arms around Joe's neck. He grinned and leaned close and their lips brushed. They separated slowly, staring into each other's eyes. I glanced away, jealousy ripping through me. I wanted that for Mello and I. I wanted to kiss him in the hall and not be afraid of the repercussions. I wanted to take his hand as we walked down the halls, like every other couple in the school could. There were schools out there where gay couples could actually be couples…I knew there were, Mello's old school was one of them. But here, I wasn't even out, and it was terrible. It was like I was hiding this big part of myself from everyone…like I was lying, denying how much I truly liked Mello.

After spending another nice, but completely private, evening with Mello, I went home and fell on my bed. I sighed, kicking my shoes off and letting them carelessly fall to the ground. I rolled fully onto my bed, staring at the wall. Imagine…Mello and I being out at school, just like I had wanted from the beginning. No one would care, there would be no accusing stares in the halls, just us, not worrying, not being paranoid, just able to be ourselves.

If I closed my eyes I could almost see it.

_I breezed through the front doors, smiling brightly at everyone I passed. They returned the smiles easily, and I sauntered my way towards my locker, dumping my books and turning to look across the hall. He was leaning against the lockers, a small smirk decorating his face. He uncrossed his arms and I took that as an invitation, floating across the hall and into his waiting arms._

_Mello tipped his head coyly and I leaned in, pressing my lips to his. He responded immediately, lips moving against my own and his arms wrapping around me, pulling me closer. He was so warm, and I could taste the lingering hint of chocolate on his lips. We both broke apart and looked around us. Nearly no one was even looking our way, except one or two individuals smiling at our sweet display. Mello's smirk widened and I suddenly felt myself pressed against the lockers, his lips on mine once more._

_The bell rang and we separated reluctantly. Mello took my hand and led me down the hall. Everyone around us was holding hands, and Mello and I did not get a single strange look, despite being two guys. Michelle and Joe appeared beside us, also holding hands, grinning as everyone moved in harmony down the hall. Even Nick offered a quick nod as we passed, and I was so happy I thought I might burst. It was how the world should be, without judging and homophobia. It was perfect._

/…/…/…/

"Mels," I murmured softly several days later from my place on his floor, books spread around me. He looked up from his homework, cocking his head slightly in question. "I need to talk to you."

It must have been the unnaturally serious tone, because he put down his pencil and sat up straight to face me. "What's up?"

"Look," I started slowly. "I know we agreed not to go public but, it's been a while, and-"

"Matt," Mello interrupted. "Stop, you're being stupid."

I glared at him. "At least hear me out."

He crossed his arms, eyes narrowed and posture rigid, but fell silent. I took a deep breath and continued. "Like I said, we've been dating a while, and I don't like hiding myself. I don't like not being able to be with you at school."

Mello's jaw tightened slightly. "Matt, we've talked about this. If we go public we're just going to be attacked. There's no point. It will just make our relationship that much harder."

"What, am I not worth the backlash?" I snapped, temper unexpectedly flaring.

Mello shifted and pulled out a chocolate bar, the crack echoing loudly in the silent room. "You are," he said, voice tight. "But I don't think it's worth it."

"I'm not worth it?"

He took another large bite of chocolate. "I didn't say you're not worth it. I _said_ that facing all those homophobes is just going to make this harder. We're going to fight because of it and won't be as happy since we'll be stressing over school."

"Or maybe we'll get closer because of it." I protested.

"Or we won't," he stated.

"You won't even give it a chance!" I told him. "You don't know that people will just be against us. Maybe they'll surprise you! Maybe they won't be that bad."

He glared at me. "Matt, they wrote 'fuck off fag' on my locker. Does that sound accepting to you?"

"That was like, one person. It doesn't mean everyone will be against us."

He rolled his eyes. "You don't get it. People aren't going to react towards us like everyone else. Maybe if we were in a bigger city where it was more accepted it would be fine. This isn't a big city. This entire town is homophobic, and you've not had the experiences I have. You don't want them."

"But if we just gave it a shot-"

"No, Matt," he interrupted me. "When I came out to my parents we were in a town like this and we moved because the reactions were so bad. It's not as bad here, but it's not much better."

"Mello-"

"Would you just listen to me?" he snapped.

"What is your problem?"

"My problem?" he asked, voice low. "You tell me to listen to your point of view but you won't even consider mine. David went to that school, ever think of that? Someone could tell him. You're the one who is worried about your family finding out so going public is one of the stupidest decisions you could make!" His voice had risen as he went on and abruptly he stood, tearing into the chocolate bar and moving away from me.

"Don't call me stupid!" I yelled, standing up and stalking towards him. "Is it so wrong to want to be able to be with you in public?"

"No, but it's not safe," he growled, balling up the wrapper and tossing it harshly at the garbage can. It bounced off the rim and rolled across the floor and Mello scowled at it before grabbing another bar off his desk.

"I don't care about that, I just want to really be with you," I told him.

"Well staying safe is one of the first things gay people think about! Maybe if you understood what being gay meant, you'd understand why I don't want to come out to a school full of homophobes!"

I spluttered at him, thrown off guard. "What do you mean by that?" How could he say that? He knew how much I cared about him.

Mello paced away from me, then turned back and came towards me again. "It's like, you have some fantasy that when you come out, everything is all sunshine and fucking rainbows, and it's not! It's not that easy! Being gay is hard, Matt, and just because you go public it doesn't mean things go well! Things can get worse! People can make you doubt everything and you've never dealt with it. You've not even fully dealt with your own sexuality, how can you expect to come out?"

I shifted and looked away. "Mello, you know I care about you…"

"That's not the same as dealing with it! You were straight before you met me! You'd never thought about other guys before. I've been this way my whole life, and I have had time to figure things out. You've only been like this a couple of months-"

"Mello, you're not listening," I interrupted. "I just care about you. I don't care what gender you are."

Mello growled and turned away, fist shooting out abruptly and colliding with a loud crack against the wall. I froze, staring at him as he stayed still, fist still pressing against the wall. Finally he turned to face me. "I am a guy, Matt," he said slowly, deliberately. "You liking me physically means something. You need to figure out exactly what it means. You can't just come out when you're not sure, there are so many consequences."

"But what does it matter? Why do I need to label it?" I asked him.

He closed his eyes, hands rising to his head, clenching at his hair and scalp. "It's not even the label. You just don't get it." His eyes opened and he looked at me. "Are you gay?"

I stared at him. "Mello, what-"

".gay?" he asked again, slowly, deliberately.

"I…I don't know, I mean I've only liked you this way…"

"So are you bi?"

I averted my eyes. "Maybe, but I've never felt about a girl the way I feel about you. You're-"

"You're a faggot Matt," he growled and my head snapped up. "Don't you know how wrong that is? You're perverted! There's something wrong with you! You're going to go to Hell because God hates fags!" he snarled bitterly. "So many parents would kick your ass out. They'd try and beat it out of you. Other guys will beat you up for not being a man. If you were a girl a guy might try to 'show you how to be straight.' Gamestop could fire you; find a reason to, because they don't want you working there. If I was in the hospital and you were the only one who could make decisions for me, they wouldn't let you, because we can't get married. People can even refuse to rent us an apartment or sell us a house! That's what you'll be dealing with once you come out! And all for one person, the only person you've ever had an attraction towards of the same sex. Does that sound intelligent to you?"

I was silent a moment. Such reactions scared me, but mostly, they made me angry. I wasn't any different than I was before. There was something wrong with people who reacted like that. "No," I admitted finally. "But I'd still do it for you." Mello stared at me in stunned silence so I went on. "I don't think I really understand your obsession with me discovering myself, but I care about you. I want people to see that."

Mello took a slow breath, looking calmer. "I can understand why you want people to know. You think I don't? I want to show you off," he said, a small smirk on his face. "But I've been gay a lot longer than you've liked me. I know the consequences. With your family the risk is just huge."

I slumped. "I see your point."

Mello walked towards me and leaned in, pressing his lips slowly against mine. "Let's just talk about this later, okay? We'll talk about going public tomorrow or something. I don't want to argue anymore."

I smiled slightly. "And I'm sure you'll just keep arguing with me about it."

He rolled his eyes but said nothing, dragging me by the wrist back to our homework spread across the floor. I glanced at him as he leaned over his book. We just saw things differently. Hopefully, we'd be able to come up with a compromise. I didn't want to hide anymore.


	15. Second Thoughts

**AN: Thanks for the lovely reviews everyone. Sorry for the lack of replies this time, I posted this right before I left for vacation and well…I am updating right away haha. A lot of you left very kind, inspiring reviews. I'm touching a lot on lgbt issues in this story because sadly, in this world, being lgbt is not "okay" with a lot of society. I went to Pridefest last week and it was so amazing. Everyone was open, happy, unafraid, and it is how the world should be. I hope the world can be like that someday, for everyone.**

Chapter 15: Second Thoughts

I ignored my family when I got home that night. It was relatively easy since I didn't see David and my dad was sprawled across the couch, watching TV. I closed and locked my bedroom door behind me, kicking off my shoes and pulling off my coat. I tossed it towards my desk, not paying much attention to where it landed as I meandered across my room towards my dresser. I lost my jeans and shirt but shivered. It was January after all, and my house wasn't particularly warm. I pulled on a baggy t-shirt and my Mario Pajama bottoms distractedly, Mello's words echoing through my head.

He was right; I had never really labeled myself. But did I really need a label? If I was straight except for him, what did it matter? We'd had sex and I'd obviously enjoyed it, so that wasn't the issue. I'd been interested in girls before, but I had never dated any of them. I'd never liked another guy before, but I cared more about Mello than I had for anyone in my entire life. Did liking one guy make me bi? Or was Mello just an exception? But at the same time, girls had never been on the front of my mind. School, my family, and my games had all taken precedent over girls, so could I be gay?

I growled lowly in frustration and threw myself onto my bed. I hated trying to label myself. But really…I couldn't be straight if I liked Mello, and if I liked sex with Mello. At the very least, I was bi. I had to be. If I never liked another guy again, then fine. It didn't change that I had liked Mello.

I rolled over on my bed to bury my face in my pillow, frustrated with Mello for making me think like this. Couldn't I just like him? Why did the rest of it matter? Why was he so obsessed with me finding my label?

People always said it was hormones, or that teenagers went through phases, but I knew that didn't apply to me. That wasn't what this was. I wasn't confused about my feelings for him, just my feelings in general. But if Mello was so determined for me to figure it out, I would. I wasn't straight, so logically I'd have to say I wasn't gay, since I'd had some small crushes on the female population.

There, I was bi. End of deliberation. Maybe it would be appease Mello and we could finally come to a compromise. I pulled the blankets over my head and fell into a restless sleep.

/…/…/…/

"I'm bi," I told Mello the next day in his room after school, plopping down in his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck. "Can we compromise now?" I whispered, lips ghosting over his. To my disappointment he pulled back, out of reach.

"It's not that easy," he said, pushing me away gently. I sighed but complied, slipping off his lap to sit in front of him.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Matt, you thought about it for one night," he stated.

I deflated and looked at him imploringly. "Come on, Mello," I pleaded. "I've crushed on some girls, but I've never liked someone the way I like you. You're the only guy I've ever been with, but I_ love_ being with you, and I love what we've done together. I figure I am at least bi, and if I have to label it, that's what the label would be."

"You shouldn't pick a label just to pick one," he complained and I scooted closer.

"Isn't that why people worry over their sexuality; because they want to label it? I don't need a label, but you wanted one, and that's what I came up with. Since I have one, can we go public, or discuss a compromise?" I asked.

He looked at me a moment, but finally his posture relaxed. "Fine, we'll discuss a compromise," he said.

I smiled. "Thank you."

"But I don't want to suddenly go public tomorrow," he insisted, leaning towards me, eyes narrowed. "I'm not going to meet you in the hall and just kiss you, okay? We're not going to do that kind of thing."

I slumped, poking at the carpet moodily. "If we're not doing that, we're not public."

He sat back, crossing his arms. "I said we could compromise. Going public is not compromising; it is doing what you want."

"Why do you have such a problem with it?"

He uncrossed his arms, palms pointed towards the ceiling, a look of disbelief on his face. "Are you kidding me? You're not that stupid." I scowled and he rolled his eyes. "I told you, you've not fully figured out your sexuality. It's scary, the things people do, and not understanding it makes everything so much harder. Plus your family could hear about us through the students, from them or their siblings or parents. And it's dangerous," he said, voice lowering. "I just…" he struggled over the word for a moment and averted his eyes "…worry about you. I don't want you to get hurt."

That made me smile, even though I already knew he felt that way, it was nice to hear it. "You have good points," I admitted.

"I have the most logical points. I don't understand why you want everyone to know so badly," Mello said.

"Well when you figured out your orientation or found your first boyfriend, didn't you want people to know? It's no different than a girl and guy getting together, they want to brag. I want to brag. I want people to see how happy you make me. I hate having to hide it and sneak around. That never ends well. I just want everyone to see that us being together isn't perverted…that we really care about each other."

"…Well it's kind of perverted," he said, smirking.

I punched him lightly. "Shut up."

He chuckled and caught my hand before I could return it to my side. "How about this? You can come out to Joe and Michelle, take a baby step."

I nodded slowly. "Yeah, that would be nice. But that's still not public."

"I know. Let's start with those two, and go public at some point, before we graduate. How's that?" he asked.

I considered it and, figuring for now, it was the best I would get, nodded again. "Alright, that sounds fine."

/…/…/…/

I slipped through the front door later that evening unnoticed. The living room was abandoned, empty Chinese cartons scattered across TV tables, the television still blaring. A container of chicken fried rice was tipped over on the floor, its contents scattered across the grimy carpet. I wrinkled my nose in disgust but left it. It wasn't _my_ mess.

I could hear my dad and David talking in the kitchen. Ordinarily I wouldn't pause to listen to their conversations, but David's statement made me freeze in place beside the door, just out of sight.

"I saw a pair of fags on my way home from work." His voice was cold, filled with disgust. My dad grunted in acknowledgment so David went on. "It made me sick to my stomach. They were walking out of a restaurant, holding hands. They were two of the girliest guys I've ever seen, except Matt's _friend_," he said, putting en obnoxious emphasis on the word ' friend' that made my blood boil. "If that wasn't enough, they start kissing, right in the middle of the sidewalk! And the normal couple behind them didn't even seem to care! What's wrong with people?" My scowl lengthened when he described the other couple as being normal. What was wrong with him? He was straight so it was none of his business. Why did he even care?

"Being gay is the in thing," my dad muttered. "Suddenly we're looking like the bad guys for not supporting them and their fucked up lifestyles." I gasped then held my breath, hoping they hadn't heard me. My dad continued speaking, so I guess he hadn't. "It's my opinion, and I just think it's wrong. It wouldn't be so bad if they weren't so…girly. Why do they have to talk like that? Why can't they just be guys?"

"Because there's something wrong with them," David stated solemnly. I shook my head, wanting to deny it. I had hoped…that maybe my dad hadn't been so against it. That maybe he wouldn't care. But for him to say stuff like that…for people to really feel that way about something that was so good, so beautiful…it hurt. I couldn't move. It was as if my feet had been sewn to the carpet. I felt like I couldn't breathe. They both hated me…they _hated_ me.

I bit my lip and forced myself to shuffle past the doorway and into my room. David had already hated me, I reminded myself. I hadn't been sure about my dad, but really, what difference did it make? I didn't like him anyway. It didn't matter. _It didn't matter_. He was always drinking, and being a dick, always taking David's side, so I didn't need him to like me. I didn't need him. I had never needed him!

I sat heavily on my bed, hand automatically rising to grasp at my scalp, closing my eyes and biting my lip, trying to block out the conversation.

It didn't matter. Everyone didn't feel that way. Just because they did didn't mean the school would. My generation was more liberal. David was the exception here. David was the odd person out. He was biased anyway. Even if he had nothing against homosexuals he would just use it against me.

But what if Joe and Michelle felt that way too? What if-

No, no I was being stupid. I knew Michelle had no problem with it. I knew that already. But Joe…Joe had first told me he heard Mello was gay, and though Joe denied that it made a difference to him, the way he'd said it had been weird…

Plus Joe was a guy. Not the manliest guy in the world; he preferred video games over sports and hung around more girls than guys, but he was still a guy. He might care…he might think it was wrong. What then? It's not like we were best friends. I haven't talked to Joe as often, plus I had always been closer to Michelle.

No, no I was being stupid. Neither of them would care. The school as a whole might care, there were certainly people who didn't agree, but they had to be the minority. David and my dad were wrong of course but still, it didn't stop it from…hurting.

But I didn't care about their opinions. Their opinions were wrong. Plus my family wasn't amazing…I mean I had run off to Mello's house on Christmas! Who did that? So what did it matter what they thought? It didn't. It didn't matter what any of them thought.

But as I lay in bed, thoughts racing through my mind, I knew to an extent, it did.

/…/…/…/

The next day was unbearably long. I'd met up with Mello early that morning and we had sat in front of my locker, not talking about much of anything. I had been both hoping and dreading Michelle would show up early, figuring it would be easier to tell them one at a time, but she must have had homework to finish, or she had skipped off with Joe somewhere. Either way, Mello was expecting me to tell them now, and suddenly, I didn't know if I could.

That was something else to make the pressure go up, because now that we had compromised, Mello seemed excited to be telling someone besides his family. I just wished I was as confident as I had been before hearing that conversation last night.

I dropped into my seat beside Mello in chemistry, greeting Michelle and Joe, who both gave me quick smiles before going back to their conversation. Mello leaned towards me and I felt myself tense, already knowing what question was coming.

"So when are you going to tell them?" he asked.

I forced a smile and turned to face him. "I'll try and catch them after school."

My nerves increased as the day went on and the end of the day ticked closer and closer. Traitorous thoughts kept racing through my mind. How would they react? Had the suspected? Or would it be a total blindside? What if they did spread it around school? What if the school was totally against us?

By the end of the day I was a wreck, and all my confidence had seeped out of me long ago. If I couldn't even tell my friends, how could I ever expect to tell the entire school? What had I been thinking? This was a stupid idea. These people had siblings…siblings that had known David. They could tell David. One of the students could tell their parents, who could know David from work, or the store. Someone could find out who would say "Hey, you're Matt's brother!" And oh, where the conversation could go from there. What had I been thinking? Telling people was stupid. Even telling Joe and Michelle could mess everything up. They could let something slip. It wouldn't be their fault, if they took it well. It happened. Mistakes happened. But I could prevent all those mistakes by not telling.

So when I followed Mello out to his car and saw Michelle and Joe strolling hand in hand a few feet ahead of us towards Michelle's car, I froze. Mello looked at me inquiringly and I shook my head. There were muttered complaints behind us, since we were blocking the door. "Move it fag!" Nick snapped loudly and I cringed, striding forward quickly.

Unfortunately, it seemed that Michelle and Joe had heard him, because they had turned to face us. Mello nudged me forwards and I complied, walking towards the pair. I glanced at the mob behind us and began trekking towards Michelle's car.

"Have you played Spirit Tracks yet?" Joe asked as we walked.

I smiled and relaxed a bit. Gaming was something I could talk about with Joe. It was easy, safe. "Yeah, I just started it. I was skeptical about Link being a train engineer, but so far it's actually pretty cool."

"It's a pretty good storyline for a handheld," Joe agreed.

"And Zelda is actually useful in this one," Michelle enthused. "At the start, instead of just at the end!"

"I don't know, Tetra was pretty useful in Windwaker," Joe said.

"Tetra is cool," Michelle agreed, "but that doesn't make her useful. She's brave in cut scenes but we don't get to use her…then she turns into Zelda and becomes a female."

"Wow, I don't have a single thought to add to this conversation," Mello remarked flippantly and I laughed. Joe and Michelle joined in and moments later we had reached their car.

Mello glanced at me and I shuffled my feet, shifting my weight from foot to foot as Michelle unlocked the doors. "What are you guys up to?" she asked, tossing her backpack in the backseat.

"Nothing," I said. I snuck a quick look at Mello, who was watching me expectantly. "You?" I asked uneasily, watching the rest of the students going to their vehicles.

"Stopping at the café then hanging at my house," Michelle said.

I nodded slowly. "Cool."

We stood there in silence for nearly a minute. Joe had gone from watching us to scuffing his foot against the cement by the passenger door. Michelle shifted her purse from her right shoulder to her left one, glancing between Mello and me. I could feel Mello's eyes burrowing into my back. Michelle cleared her throat and dug through her purse for a pack of gum, pulling out a piece and not looking at us. "Did you need something?" she asked. We stood in silence several more moments before Michelle spoke again. "Plans you wanted to make?" she questioned. Her eyes moved from Mello, who was still watching me, to the parking lot, and finally back to me. "Anything you wanted to tell me?" she probed.

I opened my mouth, wishing the words would just spill out on their own, but they caught in my throat. Finally I just shook my head no. Joe said bye and slipped into the car. Michelle gave me a long look and nodded. "Okay," she said. "Well, see you Monday." She smiled and got in her car, slamming the door shut and driving off.

I turned towards Mello and gave him a weak smile. "Hi," I said lamely.

He glared at me and turned, walking stiffly towards his car. I followed him meekly, climbing into the passenger seat and closing the door. I buckled up as he put the car in drive and pulled forward, driving towards the exit.

"I don't get you, Matt," he said finally once we were halfway to my house. "You were the one pushing to come out to the school, and then you won't even tell Joe and Michelle?"

"I just panicked," I said quietly.

"About Joe and Michelle?" he asked incredulously. "They wouldn't care! I'm positive Michelle wouldn't!"

"Why do you care? You didn't want us to go public anyway," I pointed out defensively.

"This wasn't public! This was telling two friends! How do you expect to go public if you can't even tell them?"

"I don't know!" I snapped. "Maybe if you hadn't made me so paranoid, I would have told them! Or if you had stopped hovering! You could have given me a little space to tell them. I've known them for years; maybe I wanted to tell without you!"

"Well excuse me for thinking you might want some support!" he growled, foot pressing harder on the accelerator. The car sped up but Mello didn't seem to notice. "Sometimes it's easier to tell people when you have a support system there to help you out."

"Well I didn't want you to help me! I wanted to talk to them on my own!"

"You didn't want to talk to them at all!"

"Well what if I didn't?" I shouted. "What if I changed my mind? You didn't want us to go public so it shouldn't matter!"

"Once I thought about your point of view I remembered my old school, and how good it felt to come out. I thought it would be a good experience. I was excited that people other than my family was going to know I had a boyfriend. If you can have a change in opinion so can I!"

"Stop acting like I'm always wrong! You're not always right! I get to be right too! It's not your decision!" I'm full out yelling now, hands clenched tightly around the sides of my seat, glaring at Mello.

He turned to face me, face furious. "Not my decision? This is my life too! I'm half of this relationship, so this is half of my decision!"

"They're my friends!"

"It doesn't matter!"

"Yes it does! You don't have friends to tell and I do, so it is my decision!"

"What fucking right do you-"

I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye and turned towards the front windshield, eyes widening. "MELLO, STOP!"

Mello slammed on the breaks, neck snapping forward. The tires squealed on the street and slowed quickly. I was thrown forward, the seatbelt jerking me back into the hard, leather seat as we came to an abrupt stop at the stop sign, the front of the car sticking into the middle of the intersection. Car horns blared at us as a car swerved around us. I stared wild eyed in front of us, panting, and turned to find Mello in a similar state. He eased his foot off the break and glided us forward and through the intersection safely. We drove in silence the last couple of blocks to my house. He came to a gentle stop and I glanced at him before unbuckling my seatbelt and getting out of the car.

"I'll see you," I grumbled.

Now that the shock has worn off my annoyance had started building again. His seemed to be back again too, but it was a cold anger, a silent one. "Whatever."

My eyes narrowed. "Don't brush me off like that! You nearly got me killed!"

He didn't look at me. "You had no right to say that about me. You were being an ass so it's your fault I was distracted."

"My fault! If you had left it alone-"

"I don't want to talk to you right now," he said calmly, voice chilly. "I will see you Monday."

"See you," I grumbled, slamming the door as hard as I could. He didn't spare me another look and sped away, leaving me to storm into my house and hide myself away in my room with the familiar company of games to sooth me. They'd never let me down. Not like people, my family, or Mello did.


	16. Breaking News

Chapter 16: Breaking News

I did not sleep very well that night, tossing and turning as the argument spun through my mind. I kept replaying all the things he had said, how hypocritical he was being about everything. How could he go from protesting against us being public so vehemently and then a couple days later be mad at me for _not_ wanting to come out? It didn't make sense! Sure, I had pushed him about coming out, but it was my business, not his.

I refused to dwell on the things I had said. They'd been out of defense, right? He'd been the one pissed at me, not the other way around. I was just standing up for myself. He was in the wrong. Coming out was my decision, not his. He had no right to be angry with me for changing my mind. No right at all.

I finally gave up on sleep around seven in the morning. I rolled out of bed, feeling wide awake but exhausted at the same time. I took a quick shower and got dressed. I grabbed my coat and wallet and left the house, not wanting to have to deal with my family. I just couldn't. Not now.

The air outside was cold and still, something to be expected in the middle of January. I shivered slightly, stuffing my hands into my pockets as I shuffled along the sidewalk. I glanced up at the sky, watching the dark, swirling clouds through my tinted goggles. It really was a miserable morning. I kicked moodily at the snow on the sidewalk, still replaying yesterday's conversation in my mind.

I continued to mull over the events of the day on my way to McDonalds. By the time I got there I felt frozen. I hurried inside, extremely grateful that soon I'd be able to feel my toes and fingers again. I really needed those fingers if I was going to play my games.

I ordered breakfast, snatching the coffee as quickly as I could and taking a sip. It scalded my tongue and I had to hold back a small yelp, but it was worth it. Already I could feel it melting my insides. I collected my food and slid into a booth in the corner, away from the adults reading their newspapers before work and the screaming children running rampant.

I ate quickly and finished my coffee even faster then got a refill, not really wanting to venture back outside. I lingered a while longer before tossing my trash and going back outside, not really sure where I wanted to go. I had another four hours before I had to go to work so I ended up wandering to my favorite café. I bought myself yet another coffee and settled down at a table, pulling out my DS and muting the volume.

I played for a while, losing myself in the wonderful world of Zelda. I glanced up to check the time but instead of finding the clock, I found myself falling into the deep, endless cerulean pools that were Mello's eyes. I blinked and flinched back slightly in surprise.

He looked around the café, shuffling his feet slightly as his eyes drifted towards the window. Finally he looked towards me again and strutted forward, dropping into the seat in front of me. "Fancy meeting you here," he drawled.

I went back to my game, fingers pressing into the buttons more vigorously. "Yep."

I snuck a glance at him and watched as he bit his lip, hands tightening around his cup on the table. It seemed like he wanted to say something but he stayed silent. The air felt suffocating as we sat there in absolute silence. I fidgeted slightly in my seat, pounding into the buttons now, desperately wishing he would just go away. I didn't want to deal with this right now.

"You're an asshole," he growled softly.

"We're really going to do this now? Here?" I asked. The fact that my voice was nearly silent did not hide the disdain in my tone.

"Oh yes, I forgot, you want to do everything in private now," he whispered sarcastically.

I looked up from my game, eyes narrowed. "Funny, I seem to remember you being the same way not so long ago."

He leaned forward slightly, eyes scanning the room before settling on mine. "I made a compromise with you. Initially I did it for you, because you were the one who wanted to go public so badly. That was you, Matt. You're the one who turned into a coward, not me." His voice was still quiet but possibly the angriest I had ever heard it.

"You were the coward," I said. "You were the one not willing to be public on the first day and I was."

The anger was practically rolling off him now in physical waves. Both his hands were gripping the table harshly, nails digging into the wood beneath them. His teeth were clenched together so tightly that if I wasn't so angry with him I might have been worried that he was going to crack them. When he finally did speak his voice was positively deadly. "You're such a fucking hypocrite. The moment I give the consent to tell someone you run away with your tail between your legs. You want to call me a coward? I'll kiss you right here in this fucking room, but you'd bolt before I got within half a foot of you." He leaned in closer, voice dropping. "You can preach about me all you want but the fact is that it was _you_ who chickened out yesterday, not me. Don't think I'm too afraid to go public now. Everyone already knows I'm gay, and I'm pissed off enough not to care about the way that they find out you're not straight."

"You wouldn't," I challenged.

His eyes changed, a new spark of determination in his eyes. His hand shot out and slammed my wrist onto the table with a loud bang. I winced and tried to pull away, but his hand tightened. I looked back into his eyes, seeing no sympathy there. They were clouded by anger, so fierce that I realized with a stunning amount of clarity that he really _would_ kiss me on the spot. "Mello, stop," I said quietly, the anger draining from my voice to be replaced with caution and slight worry.

"You wanted to go public before, didn't you? Did I make you think too much? I can take care of that," he said, moving closer.

I sat back in my seat to put distance between us, tugging at my wrist more harshly. "Mello don't do this," I whispered frantically. "You don't want to do this." My voice took on a pleading edge to it as he moved closer.

"You have no clue what I want," he growled dangerously.

"You wanted me to panic," I defended. "You made me paranoid, with all that stuff you said. You knew it would make me think too much. You're the reason I backed out."

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does! I wasn't worried until you freaked out about labels!" I growled. An older couple behind Mello looked at us and I lowered my voice again. "You made me nervous and afraid to tell people. You can't be mad at me for that."

He didn't back down. "I can be mad at you for anything I want," he said, eyes glinting ominously. "You put up such a fight, for nothing. Then you throw the fact that I have no friends in my face? That was low."

"I was pissed off! I wasn't thinking! You never listen to me!" My voice grew louder and it was getting hard to stop myself from yelling again.

"No, you never listen to me!" His grip was crushing now, and I was sure I'd have a bruise the next day. "I've dealt with this longer than you and you won't seriously consider any of my input. I don't even know if it's worth it!"

I froze. "If what's worth it?" I asked slowly.

"This," he said simply, tossing my hand away and sitting back. "I'm sick of fighting."

My anger boiled over and I slammed my hands on the table, causing quite a few people to look our way. I ignored them though, voice deadly calm as I responded with "Well maybe it's not worth the backlash from school, or my family. Why should I mess up my life for _you_?"

A mixture of anger and hurt flickered across his face before he closed it off. "I think you mean, why have I wasted my time with someone as pathetic as you? You can't even stand up to your own family, there's no way you'd put yourself out there for someone else if you can't even defend yourself."

"I would for the right person."

"I'm the best you'll ever have," he stated. "And you're lucky you had me at all."

I shrugged. "I could do better."

"Good luck with that," he spat.

"Fuck you," I told him, standing abruptly.

"Fuck off," he answered eloquently as I stormed away from the table, slamming through the door and onto the streets. My heart was pounding as I ran across the street, not really thinking, just needing to move. I needed to get away from him, from that place, from those words.

"_I don't even know if it's worth it."_

How could he have said that?

Like we meant nothing?

Like I meant nothing?

Sure, I'd bit back, but it was because he started it. He'd said it like I wasn't worth it…

I let my feet take me wherever they wanted without paying close attention, mind whirling. Not long into my walking though, I was interrupted. I let out a startled grunt as I collided with someone and fell to the ground. I groaned slightly, rolling off the person and sitting up. "I'm sorry," I muttered.

"Matt?"

"Michelle?" I asked, standing quickly and helping her up. "I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

"I noticed," she stated dryly, brushing herself off. "I saw you coming actually. You nearly got hit by a car crossing the street over there," she said, gesturing down the block. "I was coming to talk to you…I didn't realize you were too out of it to see me."

"Oh," I said lamely, trailing off and looking past her. I really didn't want to talk. Mello and I were over…how had things gotten so out of hand, and so quickly? How had we let it happen?

"Are you okay?" Michelle asked softly.

I shook my head. "I don't know."

"Yes you do. What's wrong?"

I sighed and walked towards the swings, the same place I had talked to Michelle when these feelings for Mello had started creeping up.

"Matt?"

I looked at her, and in that instant, I knew I needed to tell someone. I needed to talk about this to someone other than Mello, and so without letting myself think about it, because I knew I'd chicken out, I blurted "I think Mello and I just broke up."

The silence was deafening. I looked away, gazing across the street, waiting for a response.

"That sucks."

I looked at her in disbelief. "What?"

She cocked an eyebrow at me. "What do you mean what? That sucks."

"You're not surprised?"

She rolled her eyes. "Matt, I've been pretty sure about you two dating for a while. I thought you were going to tell me yesterday."

"Why didn't you say anything?" I sputtered.

She shrugged. "What if I was wrong? Awkward."

I grew silent for several minutes. "So you knew?" I asked slowly. "It's obvious?"

"I wouldn't say that," she told me. "But I hang out with you. You seemed different." We were silent a few minutes. "So, what happened?"

It was a relief to finally talk about it, and everything spilled out. I told her about the fighting, wanting to go public, being scared of going public, and it was surprisingly easy. She just sat there, listening and nodded, adding the occasional comment but mostly staying quiet. When I had finally finished she sat there in silence a few minutes before slowly speaking. "I think you're both being kind of stupid."

She rose her hands in defense as I opened my mouth. "Hey, hey, wait. I get that you're both stressed out, and I mean, you both have points, but you're over thinking this. I mean, you like Mello right?"

I nodded slowly. "Yeah."

"Well, he likes you. Don't just give up on something so great because of a couple dumb fights. Just try and talk about it without fighting."

I glanced at my cell phone and stood. "Yeah. Look, my shift starts in thirty minutes so I have to go. I'll see you."

She gave me a small wave. "Yeah, see you."

I stuffed my hands into my pockets as I began walking towards work. She made it sound so simple, like it wasn't a big deal and we were being dramatic. Well, she was wrong. She knew nothing about our relationship. We'd tried talking plenty of times and it hadn't worked.

Nothing had.

/…/…/…/

My manager bullied me into staying half an hour later to help with stock but I finally put my foot down at 10:30, telling him I had to walk home and it was cold. He relented and I trudged my way through the snow towards home, shivering most of the way.

It was a relief to get home, just because I was so cold. I wandered through the living room, which was surprisingly quiet for a Saturday night. My dad was nursing a beer as usual, sprawled on the couch and TV blaring. David was nowhere to be seen, which I was extremely grateful for. I slipped into my room unnoticed.

I had barely had time to take off my boots and coat before my phone began vibrating. I pulled it from my pocket, checking the caller ID. It was Mello's home number, which was unusual. If he'd wanted to call why hadn't he used his cell? And why was he calling me at all? I flipped the phone open and put it to my ear. "Hello?"

"Oh, Matt, thank goodness."

"Mrs. Keehl?" I asked, a slow feeling of dread balling up in my stomach.

"Yes. Matt, is Mello with you?"

The dread grew. "No."

"Have you seen him lately?" she asked, causing my stomach to flip. I sat down heavily on my bed. "It's nearly eleven and he always calls at ten if he's not going to be back. It's a rule we established because of…" she trailed off. "Anyway, he's not answering his phone."

"I've not seen him for hours," I said quietly.

There was a brief heavy silence before she spoke again. "Okay. If you hear from him, please have him call okay?" she asked, a hint of panic in her tone.

"Of course," I said numbly and she hung up.

I just stared at my phone for a little while before shaking it off. Mello was fine, he could look after himself. In fact, he was an asshole, for leaving his family to worry like that. Who did he think he was? How dare he let his wonderful family worry about him like that?

I stood up, slowly pacing across my room. I didn't care that he was missing. We weren't together…right? We'd kind of broken up…at least, I'd thought we had. What if Mello hadn't meant it that way though? What if-

No, no he'd been clear. We were done, over, finished. So I didn't need to worry about where he was. It didn't matter. He could do whatever he wanted, but he couldn't expect me to worry about him.

Frustrated, I left my room and went to the kitchen, grabbing a soda and gulping down half of it at once. The front door slammed open and David's laughter filled the house. I rolled my eyes and watched him from the doorway as he stumbled in. He was going to kill himself driving someday.

"Hey, dad, found yer lighter," he said, voice slightly slurred as he tossed it towards the couch. Huh, he didn't sound as drunk as I expected, what with the laughing and all. He looked up and his smirk widened when he saw me. "Hey, Matty," he cooed, shoving past me. I glared at him, checking the time since Mello's mom had called. It had been fifteen minutes…where was he?

"Have a good night?" he asked the fridge. I ignored him, because I hated to dignify him with a response. I shifted my weight, leaning against the wall. Sixteen minutes. "I know I did!" David called. I ignored him and went into the living room, mind racing. Mello had never missed a call before. He always checked in. He respected his family. Why would he suddenly just…not?

Against my will the worry was rising. No matter what had happened, Mello not calling home was just weird. He just always had. He had told me it was something they'd put in place after he came out, just in case something happened. Mello had been calling at ten for the past few years…he'd never missed a call before. What if something had happened to him?

I looked out the window as the wind made the branches sway. It was really cold out there…if something had happened outside, he could be in a lot of trouble.

And who the fuck was I kidding? Of course I still cared! Where could he be?

I went back to my room, throwing on my boots and coat. I grabbed my gloves and took off towards the front door, going outside and looking around, not knowing where to start. But I couldn't just sit at home waiting for a phone call. If something had happened to Mello, I had to help.

I started off in a random direction (towards Mello's house) but only made it two blocks before my cell started ringing. I dug through my pocket a bit frantically, sighing in relief when I saw it was Mello's mom. He must have come back. "Hello?"

"Matt," she said, sounding out of breath. "Listen hun, Mello's in the hospital." My blood froze over, as if it had turned to ice in my veins. I slowed my walking to a stop as she continued talking. "Someone found him passed out outside of Gamestop a few minutes ago. He woke up a bit, enough to get his name, and they called an ambulance." My legs felt weak and I barely kept enough control of them to allow myself to collapse on the curb. "He seems banged up a bit but not life threatening, according to the valued opinions of a game store clerk," she muttered sarcastically. I could barely hold the phone. I'd been there…less than an hour ago. Someone had dumped Mello in front of my work less than an hour ago.

I thought I was going to be sick.

"You can come to the hospital," I heard her say distantly. "We can pick you up."

I mumbled that I was only a block or two away but tuned her out after that, staring blankly at the road.

Mello had been hurt…he was at the hospital. Someone had hurt Mello…right where I worked.

A car pulled to a stop in front of me several minutes later and I was ushered inside. Mrs. Keehl even buckled me in. It was like I had lost all control over my body, and all I could do was imagine his small form lying in the snow, skin paling and eyes staring lifelessly into the sky.

/…/…/…/

AN: Next chapter will probably be in Mello's POV. What do you guys think? Want a play by play of the action?


	17. Scare Tactics

AN: Hey all, finally the new chapter is here. The majority of you asked for Mello's POV, so here it is. I shall be on vacation for the next week with no internet, but hopefully I will get some writing done and update as soon as I get back. Thank you for the wonderful response last chapter and I hope you enjoy this one just as much. All your feedback inspires me to write :D

Chapter 17: Scare Tactics

**Mello's POV**

It took every bit of self control I had to not scream at Matt's back as he left. I managed to sit still for an entire minute before I stood. I kicked the chair hard back into place, but it instead fell to the ground with a loud clatter. People turned to stare, eyes boring into my skull, and I stalked outside, attempting to slam the door shut behind me. I growled when the glass door slowed automatically and stormed down the street.

He was so stupid. How dare he accuse me of being a coward? I wasn't the one that wimped out at the last minute! That was him. He never listened to me! It was like my opinions and my experiences didn't matter. I had lived with this for years! I had been insulted for being gay, stared at, even jumped once, when I first came out, so I knew how this worked. He didn't, and that's why we were arguing.

But telling friends was different than going public. Telling friends was supposed to feel good, and he just refused, even though it was obvious Michelle knew already, and _he_ was the one who had wanted to go public so badly. That was what really pissed me off.

And reminding me I have no friends…how could he do that? I knew I was alone here, except for him. What an asshole!

A car horn blared at me as I crossed in front of it while the guy was trying to turn. I stuck my middle finger up at him and continued on my way, still seething.

I hadn't gotten into this relationship just to fight all the time. I wanted to feel that ridiculously sappy feeling again, and I had, but not for a while. Not since we'd started fighting all the damn time.

And some of that crap didn't just make me angry, it hurt. It hurt to hear him say he could do better, that he wouldn't 'mess up his life' for me. I kicked a nearby tree harshly, earning stares from a mother and father picnicking with their two kids. I glowered at them and moved on.

I wandered the town in an enraged haze for a while, which slowly dissipated to anger and finally just annoyance. I probably walked more that day than I had in my entire life. I finally got to know the layout of most of the town. I also found the best pizza joint in the area, even if the waitress did make my temper flare again for asking if I was alone.

It was nearly 9:30 by the time I was ready to head home. I'd like to be home before ten so I wouldn't have to call. Then I wouldn't have to talk to my parents, I could just go to my room. I really didn't want to talk to anyone right now, about anything.

I heard an uproar of laughter come from the bar I was just passing and rolled my eyes, shuffling past quickly and kicking a rock into a nearby alley moodily. I hated alcohol, mostly because of how Matt's family-

No, no, stop thinking about him! It's over, it's done! We couldn't agree on enough things, and all we did anymore was argue. I had to stop thinking of him all the time.

Distracted by my thoughts of Matt, I was surprised when hands suddenly grabbed my arms. I jerked forward, instinctively opening my mouth to call out. A clammy hand clamped across it before any sound could escape and I thrashed wildly against the person as they dragged me backwards into the alley. I kicked back at the person, making contact that resulted in a soft grunt, but that was it. I bit his finger until the taste of copper blood filled my mouth and he yelped, but didn't move his hand. "Fucking piece of shit bit me!" the guy growled.

Fuck, there was more than one of them.

I tried to pull myself away, craning my neck behind me to try and see how many there were. I saw three of them, all bigger than me, all wearing black ski masks so I couldn't identify them. One of them was carrying rope and I stomped on the guy's foot who has holding me, as hard as I could. I wasn't fast enough, because the other guy was there, holding my arms still as my hands were tied behind my back, ropes digging painfully into my wrists.

Panic was rising in my chest as I tried in vain to pull free, a piece of cloth being shoved over my eyes, making the world vanish around me. The hand stayed on my mouth and I was being dragged again, desperately trying to break away. There was no telling what they would do to me. This wasn't random, this was planned.

I heard the sound of a car door opening before being roughly shoved inside. I scrambled backwards clumsily only to run into the other guy, already seated and blocking the door. I could feel my breathing quickening as my heart pounded in my chest. I sensed the other guy sit on the opposite side of me as the car door slammed shut. Sudden pain exploded across my jaw and I gasped, nearly falling out of my seat as the engine roared to life and we sped away.

"That's for biting me, fucker." His voice was muffled by the ski mask and didn't sound familiar in the least. I bit my lip and the radio was turned on, rock music blaring through the speakers as we tore down the street.

"Not so tough are you?" one guy asked.

"He probably likes it," the other answered. I felt his hand on my shoulder and flinched back, growling lowly. "Easy there," he chastised, and suddenly my scalp was screaming as his hand tangled in my hair and pulled me towards him. "Behave yourself." I held back a cry as he tugged my hair.

"Think you can just waltz into our town and spread your disease?" came a muffled voice from up front.

"You're sick. They should keep freaks like you in a cage."

"There's something wrong with you."

"Don't think we'll let you get away with it."

"Go back to where you came from!"

I shuddered, bowing my head slightly, desperately trying to think. There had to be a way out of this. The car was going too fast, no way I could jump out even if I managed to get out of the ropes and past the guys. But staying in the car, just waiting, there was no telling what they would do.

We took a sharp turn, causing me to fall to my left across one of the guys. I tried to scramble up but something slammed into my nose and I rolled onto the floor. Warm liquid streamed from my nose as I struggled to get up as I was kicked harshly in the ribs. "Don't you dare touch me!" he yelled. I pulled back until I was not touching him and stayed curled on the floor, afraid to move in fear of what they'd do if I misjudged and touched one of them again.

"You know what should happen to your kind?" one of them asked, the one driving. His voice was low and cruel. "They need to be made an example of instead of being allowed to shove their bullshit in our faces. Every last one of them should be beaten. But my favorite way, I think, would be fire." I could hear the smirk in his voice now, could feel my hands shaking as his voice quivered with excitement. "You queers pride yourself on being so pretty, I just want to ruin those pretty faces."

A shuddering gasp escaped my lips before I could stop it and the other two snickered. I internally berated myself for showing so much weakness. I had to be calm and in control. I needed to show them they couldn't change me, and that they would not faze me. I would be fine. I had to be.

I was hauled bodily onto the seat. The seatbelt dug into my lower back but I stayed still. The hand clenched around my arm, surely hard enough to cause purple bruises to form. "You trying to run around and give our whole town AIDS?" the man snarled. My temper flared at the stereotype but I bit my comments back. I was in no position to correct their idiotic opinions. "Is that what you're trying to do? Mess up our town? You want to drag everyone down with you?"

"AIDS travels through blood too, you Neanderthal." It slipped through my lips before I could stop it and received another blow to my jaw for my effort.

"That's not true! Shut the fuck up!" he yelled, the hint of panic in his voice making a small smirk drift across my lips for a moment. What an idiot.

"It needs to be blood to blood contact you shithead, calm down," the guy up front snapped. We took another sharp turn, tires squealing under the cracked cemented so abruptly that the guy to my left fell into me and we both ended up sprawled across the other occupant of the back seat. He must have been huge, because he knocked the breath right out of my lungs. He used my back to brace himself, causing my ribs to dig painfully into the other guy's knee.

The car seemed to swerve a moment and came to a stop. Everyone was still a few seconds before I heard the car door being abruptly opened. A hand gripped my hair and I had no choice but to stumble out into the cold snow, tripping on my way out and falling to my knees. The snow soaked through my pants and the guy jerked me forward. I cried out and tried to follow but fell forwards, not having my hands free to break my fall. The snow was painfully cold against my face as I struggled to sit up. Whoever was holding me did not pause, pulling me forward. I forced myself forwards clumsily, moving as quickly as I could to keep up.

We came to a sudden stop, the only sound surrounding us being the quiet panting of my breaths. My blood ran cold when the full impact of that hit me. I could tell I was kneeling in the grass, not on cement. There was no sound of cars, beeping horns, or sirens. Wherever we were, we were alone. This was not good.

"So who have you been corrupting?" came a harsh voice in front of me. I stayed silent. "Answer me!" I should have expected the blow but it caught me off guard. The pain resonated through my skull as I slid sidewise but quickly forced myself to remain upright. Still, I said nothing. "I said, ANSWER ME!" The second strike knocked me to the ground. A small groan escaped when a boot connected harshly with my ribs. I curled up instinctively, readying myself for another blow. I heard footsteps crunching in the snow as someone moved behind me. The kick to my back has unexpected and I flinched as the other guy kicked my ribs again, and finally my head. Everything seemed to spin at that and I whimpered against my will. "No one," I forced myself to say. "No one, there's no one."

Mercifully, the kicks stopped. A hand tilted my chin up and out of the snow, voice low and mocking. "No one, huh?" he asked. "You've not fooled around with a single person? You've not captured anyone's attention?"

"No," I rasped.

A different voice chimed in, a slight familiar tone that tugged weakly at my memory. "Are you sure about that?" it mocked, but I couldn't put a face to the voice, and I was too light headed to think too much right now. "You're always hanging with that lanky redhead kid."

"Yeah."

"That's right!"

"We're just friends," I mumbled, wishing I could see and get my bearings.

"Just friends?" came the slightly familiar voice once more.

I wanted to push myself up out of the snow but didn't dare move in fear of retaliation from my attackers and injuries. "Yeah," I said. "That's it."

He chuckled darkly and shoved me backwards into the snow, my tied hands landing painfully underneath me. "Liar!" he spat. "I don't believe it for a second!" I tried to keep myself calm but inside I was starting to panic. They could kill me out here. I didn't want to be another statistic, murdered, my body abandoned in some dumpster miles from town. I hated feeling so helpless, so weak. It was just like last time…

And Matt, Oh God, what if they went after Matt? No, I couldn't let that happen. I had to convince them that we hadn't done anything. I wouldn't be responsible for getting him killed. "He's not gay!" I told them, truthfully. "We're friends! I don't make people gay!"

"You do! You reel them in with those pretty looks-"

"You think I'm pretty?" I asked mockingly, anything to keep the attention off Matt. "You're saying _I'm_ the fag, and you're calling me attractive?" I kept my voice as even as I could.

There was a long pause before one of them approached again. "Yeah, I think you're pretty," he said lowly, a chuckle building his throat. My heart nearly stopped when I felt a hand brush my cheek, abruptly shoving my head to the side so one side of my face was exposed, the other pressed harshly into the snow. "Grab him."

Before I could thrash away there were thick arms holding my legs down, and another holding down my arms. My hands were being crushed underneath my back and sharp pains radiated from them as the bones shifted against each other from the unnatural position. My breaths came in ragged pants as I heard something click. "I'm gonna burn that pretty, fag face. We'll see how pretty a little fire leaves you."

My heart pounded in my chest as I tried desperately to pull myself free. "No," I said. "No, don't-"

The protest died on my lips when I felt sudden warmth spreading across my cheekbones. I could see the faint flicker of brightness even through my blindfold. I couldn't feel the fire so much as I was panicking at the idea of it touching me. I jerked my head but they held me firmly in place and it was only then as the warmth quickly turned from discomfort to pain did I fully struggle against them. Each second felt longer than the last as pain seared across my cheek. "Stop!" I shrieked. My skin was so hot I couldn't stand it. Tears burned the corner of my eyes, but they didn't matter. All that was important was getting away. I could hear muffled sounds around me as I squirmed but I could fucking care less if they laughed. I just wanted it to stop.

I barely noticed the flame vanish, but I did notice when I was released. I rolled over, pressing my cheek to the snow, nearly gagging at the sizzling sound that came as the heat met the cold. I could feel myself shaking, breathing uncontrollable as I rode out the worst of the pain. _'You're fine, you're fine._' I told myself.

I could hear their jeers as they approached, mocking me, insulting me, but I could barely hear them over the roaring in my ears. It was hard to focus on anything they were saying when it hurt so fucking much.

I was dragged up and forced to follow them, barely able to keep myself on my feet. I was thankful to be shoved in the car, not just because I got to sit again, but because if they were taking me somewhere, there was a better chance that I'd survive this. They were still talking but I wasn't listening, forcing all my focus on breathing. If I just focused on that, I could get through it.

I'm not sure how long we drove after that, my thoughts were jumbled. I was very aware of the blood caked to my skin from earlier. My head was pounding so hard it felt like there were creatures in my brain, trying to drill their way out of my skull. The burn on my face was still hot, as if the fire had burrowed its way into my skin.

I felt the car stop but didn't move myself until a hand tangled in my hair again. We didn't walk far before I was thrown forwards into the snow. I landed face first, ice crystals digging into my already abused skin.

"Untie him…don't leave behind evidence…"

I felt hands tugging at my bonds and soon they were gone. I briefly tried to scramble forward but someone yelled "stop him!" and a boot connected with my head so hard my neck snapped in the opposite direction. I let out a loud cry and slumped to the ground. Someone pulled off the blindfold and I blinked my eyes open but closed them again instantly as I listened to their footsteps retreat. Everything was spinning…too bright…

I forced my eyes open but black licked at the corner of my vision. Everything hurt so much. I managed to crawl forward several excruciating feet before it took me completely.

…cold…

I was moving…being moved. There were voices all around me, sounding rushed and panicked.

I was so cold…except that patch of my face, where the skin was still throbbing, burning…

Something wrapped around me. My eyes fluttered a moment but I was so tired…it hurt…I just wanted to sleep.

"Hey…name…need…"

My brow crinkled at the disjointed words. Name? Mello.

"Ambulance…"

Call my mom, she'll be worried sick. It's late.

"Hold on."

So cold.

"Stay awake."

No, it hurts.

I felt hands, warm ones, dabbing at my face. They made it hurt more.

"Stop," I groaned, voice nearly silent.

"Talk to…happened? Mello, stay…don't…have to…"

Their voices started to fade again, and I was thankful. They weren't making sense anyway. Where was I? There had been pain, then burning, then cold.

So much cold.

They continued to prod at me and ask questions, but I stopped listening, allowing my eyes to close completely.

'_Just let me sleep._'


	18. Visits

Chapter 18: Visits

I felt like someone had dug their hand into my chest, squeezing my lungs until they threatened to pop as we walked into the hospital. Everything about the place was terrifyingly unnatural. The lights were too bright, stinging my eyes even through my goggles. The walls were too white, and the morbid image flew through my mind, those pure white walls stained with bright crimson blood. But this wasn't a video game, and the reality was much more terrifying. It seemed to take forever to reach the front desk. I watched Mrs. Keehl's mouth move, but couldn't hear the words. All I could think of was Mello lying in the hospital bed, covered in blood, stabbed, shot, or beaten into a coma. I grabbed the counter edge and held on tight, staring at the floor and trying to remember how to breathe.

I felt hands on my shoulders and I was pulled away from the counter, gently being led down another hall. We stopped at the elevator which took years to arrive and piled inside in silence. The doors closed slowly behind us then the elevator crawled upwards. If it took years for the elevator to arrive, it took decades for it to reach our floor. I followed Mello's parents as they strode out of the elevator and down the hall, turning several corners before coming to a large waiting room with a front desk. They headed straight for the desk and I trailed them, listening as they inquired about their son. The woman behind the desk had no information on his condition yet and told us to take a seat.

I somehow found my way to a chair, dropping heavily into it. His parents sat stiffly beside me, his dad staring grimly ahead, his mom bent forward with her head in her hands.

Everything felt so…surreal. All I could keep thinking was that it couldn't be happening. _'There's no way this can be happening to me…to him. This can't be happening to Mello. It just can't. This stuff doesn't happen to…well, not to us! This is stuff on the news, horror stories people tell about other schools, other people, but not us!'_

All our arguments seemed stupid now, after this. Those fights about coming out, going public, they were nothing. This…Mello going to the hospital, this was so much more important. Why had we started arguing so much? What had happened to those wonderful feelings?

I didn't think those feelings had gone away…I was sure they hadn't. We had been stupid…I had been stupid. I had said some terrible things. Sure, he hadn't exactly been fair, but I had insulted him, had argued with him about going public then wimped out. Stupid…so, so stupid. And after all that, after that terrible fight, he was dumped outside my work. Who would have done that? It had to be someone from school, since they were the only people who really knew Mello and knew that we were friends.

Well…except…

No. No, not David. Not my brother. I refused to believe it.

But he had been so happy.

I jumped up and started pacing across the room, unable to sit still. Fuck, no. No, no, no, no, no. He wouldn't do that. He wouldn't. He wasn't a _criminal_! He wasn't a…no!

But he'd practically been salivating over what a good time he had right before I got the call about Mello.

It was the longest half hour of my life. Every time a doctor walked in I sprang up from my seat, if I was sitting down, or rushed forward if I was pacing. Finally a doctor came in asking for Mello's parents and the three of us rushed towards him. I wanted to know how he was doing so badly, but at the same time I was terrified of finding out. He could be paralyzed, in a coma, or…no, no he was alive and would be fine and everything would be perfect. I felt like even thinking the bad things would make them true.

The doctor looked at me then to Mello's parents before he began speaking. "Your son is going to be fine. He received a minor concussion and came in with the first stage of hypothermia. There's some bad scrapes and bruises but nothing broken." His eyes turned sympathetic and I instantly tensed. "He was burned, on the left side of his face." Mrs. Keehl gasped softly beside me, her husband clutching her hand with his. "It was not a severe burn. Most of the burns were first degree, with just small patches of skin being second degree burns. He was rather lucky; the burn was fairly contained, stretching mostly across his cheekbone."

"So," his father interrupted, "it wasn't life alternating?"

The doctor shook his head. "Like I said, the burn is spread mostly across his left cheekbone. The burn could have moved up to his eye, but as I said, in that respect he was lucky. The burn seemed very controlled, going no higher than right below his eyes, no lower than just above his lip. There will be some scaring, but it should fade in time, and eventually the majority of it should fade completely. It was probably so contained because the attacker used something like a match or cigarette lighter."

"_Hey, dad, found yer lighter."_

My breath caught and I stared straight ahead. David had "found" my dad's lighter…but why would he have found it in _his_ car?

"_Have a good night?"_

I took a shuddering breath. I could hear myself trying to breathe but there was no rush of air to my lungs. David knew where I worked. He'd come home right before Mello was found. He had come home, intoxicated, but not drunk, yet…gleeful, looking more accomplished than he had in ages.

"_I know I did!"_

I couldn't breathe.

"Can we see him?" Mrs. Keehl asked breathlessly, her voice registering dimly in my ears.

"It's after visiting hours but considering the circumstances, I can permit each of you to go in one at a time, but only for a couple minutes. He needs his rest if we want to release him in a couple of days. They're finishing bandaging him up now, so I'll take you to his room in a little while. Until then, try to relax. He's going to be fine."

His parents thanked him and the doctor left. I stumbled backwards and fell into a chair, hand rising to my chest as I struggled for breath. I was breathing hard, but it didn't feel like any of it was getting through. I felt unbearably warm as I hunched forward, mind racing.

It was David. David had done this to Mello. It was my fault. If we hadn't fought, if he hadn't been on his own, hadn't gotten together with me, David wouldn't have gone after him.

"Matt? Matt, honey, you have to breathe. Calm down, he's okay," Mrs. Keehl said soothingly, rubbing my back. "Slow breaths now, come on." I heard Mr. Keehl calling for a nurse and made a conscious effort to slow my breathing despite my heightening panic at the lack of air in my lungs. Mrs. Keehl was taking deliberate, slow, deep breaths beside me and I mimicked her breathing the best I could, tension slowly falling away as a nurse rushed towards me.

"I'm fine," I muttered, still consciously controlling my breathing, trying to stay calm.

"Are you sure?" she asked. "Do you need a paper bag? Do you have asthma?"

"No, to both. I'm…I'm okay," I said, finally sitting up straight.

For the next twenty minutes we were quiet, Mrs. Keehl keeping a hand on my shoulder as I tried to relax. Just because David had my dad's lighter and was in a good mood didn't mean that David did anything. Anyone could have jumped Mello.

I was still trying to convince myself that it was true when the doctor came back, saying we could see Mello. His dad stood first and followed the doctor out of the waiting room. My heart began pounding again at the thought of seeing him. How bad would he look? Would he be coherent? Would he even want to see me? I tortured myself, anxiety rising as Mr. Keehl returned, eyes still hard as he resumed his seat and Mrs. Keehl stood. I desperately wanted to ask how Mello looked, but I couldn't force the words through my lips. My throat felt dry and cracked, and I wasn't sure if I'd be able to form words again.

It felt like weeks waiting for Mrs. Keehl to come back, but when she finally did suddenly it seemed like only seconds had gone by. I stood shakily as she made her way over. She smiled at me the best she could, considering the circumstances. "He asked for you," she murmured and my heart leapt. I nodded and followed the doctor into the hall. We walked briskly, making two turns before slowing down.

The doctor turned to me. "He looks worse than he is, and don't wear him out with questions, he's tired." I nodded, still unable to make my vocal cords cooperate. "I'll be back in five minutes," he informed me and knocked on the door. He waited several seconds then opened the door. "Mello? Your friend is here." He gestured me inside and closed the door behind me.

He looked so small in that big hospital bed, hair somehow dulled against the white sheets. A chunk of the left side of his face was wrapped with bandages, obviously where the burn was, with several other bandages on his face. He had angry bruises on his face and bare arms, probably more hidden by the blankets and gown. He seemed paler than normal, and the sight of him so battered made me feel sick and more enraged than I had ever been in my entire life. He was watching me, blue eyes dulled but brightening slightly when they landed on me. "Hey, Mels," I croaked, shuffling forward.

A small, tired smile crept hesitantly onto his face. "Hey, Matty." His voice was quiet and I had to strain to hear him. I moved closer until I was at his bedside.

"How are you?" I forced out, voice hoarse. He chuckled darkly and I revised my question. "I, I mean…are you feeling better? You're not okay, these people are sick but…" I trailed off, gazing around the hospital room, looking anywhere but him.

"I feel better now. Painkillers." I nodded, forcing myself to turn towards him again. He just looked so fragile.

We were silent for several long seconds before I spoke. "What happened?"

"Got jumped," he said. "Was gonna happen sometime I guess."

I dropped into the chair beside his bed and leaned towards him. "God, Mello, I'm so sorry. If we hadn't had that stupid fight-"

"Don't," he interrupted. "It would have happened anyway."

"No, you were wandering around because of me, because we were fighting. I shouldn't have said those things."

"I started it today." His voice was so quiet, so…un-Mello. I couldn't stand it. I hated seeing him so defeated.

"It was just so stupid," I insisted. "I argued about going public and backed down. We shouldn't even be fighting like this. I don't want to fight with you. I'm sorry, for everything, for this."

"I'm sorry too." He smiled weakly. "But it was my fault. I should have been paying more attention."

I shook my head in disagreement, wanting to ask what they had done to him and how they had managed to keep him down long enough to burn him, but I held back. His eyes were tired and I didn't want to press him, especially in the hospital and after fighting for ages. "It's not." We wasted a valuable minute sitting in silence before I spoke. "Can we fix this?" I asked, not looking at him. "Fix…us?"

There was a long, tense silence. I bit my lip, holding my breath, waiting yet dreading the answer. "I don't want to break up," Mello said finally, voice soft.

I exhaled loudly, tension falling from my body that I hadn't realized was there. He was watching me, worry veiled in his eyes. It pleased me that I could read him so well, because Mello wasn't an easy person to read. He had a lot of self control. When I said nothing his posture tensed further, hands clutching the white polyester sheets beneath him. He wasn't looking at me anymore, staring determinedly at the wall. "I don't want to break up either," I told him.

A small smile graced his lips, hands unclenching and slowly coming to rest on top of the blankets. I glanced behind me, eyes drifting back to his hand. Slowly I reached forward, placing my hand over his. His hand shifted underneath mine until it was palm up.

I smiled back. "So…what does this make us?"

He chuckled lightly. "It makes us not broken up."

"Besides that…are we just going back to normal?" I asked.

"Yeah…I mean it was fun before right? Just no more fighting."

I nodded. "No more fighting," I agreed.

We sat in comfortable silence for several minutes, not speaking, just sitting, just being together without arguing. A brisk knock came from the door and the doctor strode in, reading his clipboard, as all doctors always seem to do as they walk into a room, like they need to seem busy or they're not good doctors. He looked up at us, the clipboard falling to his side as he spoke in a professional but carefully crafted sympathetic voice. "Alright, it's time for you to go. Mello needs his rest."

"We'll talk," he promised. "I'll call when I'm out of here."

/…/…/…/

"Thanks for the ride," I said numbly, staring at my house from the car. The living room window was still lit up, though I couldn't hear the thump of music coming from inside. I unbuckled my seatbelt and pushed open the door.

"Not a problem. We'll call if anything new comes up," Mrs. Keehl told me. I thanked her again and jumped out of the car. I paused at my door to turn and give a quick wave before going inside.

My dad was sprawled across the couch, snoring. His shirt had ridden up, proudly displaying his beer belly as the TV blared in front of him. I picked up the remote from the floor cluttered with beer bottles and crushed cans and turned it off, ringing silence filling the room. I turned off the lights and made my way towards the still bright kitchen where David was seated, head resting on the table. He blinked up at me and a slow smirk settled on his face. "Yer back late," he slurred.

I was in no mood to deal with him. I couldn't even _look_ at him. Just the possibility that he had been the person to hurt Mello, to hold him down, to burn him…I couldn't handle it. I opened the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water and straightening up stiffly, not answering.

"Where were ya at?" He stood and sauntered towards me. "Find yer fag friend?"

"Shut up." My voice quivered slightly.

This only seemed amused David, because his smirk grew. "I bet ya found 'im. Knew ya would."

"What the fuck do you mean by that?" I exploded, hands bunching in the material of his shirt and shoving him into the wall. I'd kill him.

"Ya know."

I slammed him back into the wall again, voice dropping. "I know you did it and I won't let you get away with it. You're going to regret this."

"Regret what?" he asked. "I dunno what ya mean," he said, voice dripping with sarcasm. My hands were shaking and my legs felt weak. I'd never felt so much anger before. "Lemme ask, can ya prove it?" My teeth clenched. I said nothing. "That's what I thought," he said, pushing me backwards and slinking towards the doorway.

I growled and turned, punching the wall with all my strength. I backed away from the wall and fell into a chair at the table, hand throbbing and mind racing. He'd practically admitted it, had gloated about it. But he was right, how did I prove it? There wasn't any evidence as far as I knew. Maybe Mello had seen something, had some way of proving it was David.

But I knew David would probably get away with it.

And at that moment I hated him more than I'd ever hated anyone in my entire life.


	19. The Truth

Chapter 19: The Truth

Mello didn't call me for three days. My mental capabilities slowly started to deteriorate. Complicated plans to take David down slowly dwindled to 'Is Mello okay? Is Mello okay?' I couldn't sit still long enough to play games or do homework. I was too jittery to eat much of anything and seeing David literally made me feel sick to my stomach. He was always smirking at me, eyes glittering with triumph, and I had to leave the room before I punched him and got in more trouble, or broke down into entirely unmanly fits from the sheer amount of shit I'd had to deal with all year.

I checked my phone every five minutes, sometimes more often than that. I was terrified that Mello's concussion would end up being serious and he'd slip into a coma, or that his burns would get infected and kill him. My morbid thoughts grew worse as I imagined him leaving the hospital only to be hit by a car on the way home and killed instantly.

My stomach dropped at even the thought. Even thoughts alone freaked me out, as if just thinking it could make it happen. I tried to focus my thoughts towards positive things, like me and Mello talking and patching everything up, like going to college and being able to be together openly, and a society where gay people were not hated.

I knew a lot of things I wanted were fantasies. I doubted the world would ever completely accept us, but some places would. And I'd find one for us, to stop anything like this from ever happening again.

It was after ten by the time I finally forced myself to leave my room and journey towards the kitchen for something to eat. I'd been hoping that David would be in the living room and not notice me, but of course, at that exact moment he was in the kitchen, digging through the fridge. I froze in the doorway, eyes narrowing. Almost as if sensing me David stood upright, a piece of bologna clutched in his hand. He turned towards me and smirked. "Still no word from your friend?" he asked with faux concern.

My hands clenched at my sides and I walked forwards, bumping him roughly to get by the fridge. I searched for something to eat, movements stiff, but the fridge was particularly bare. I growled low in my throat. David was supposed to have done the shopping almost two weeks ago. I stepped back and slammed the fridge closed, stalking towards the cupboard.

"Is he not getting any better?" I ignored him, throwing the cupboard door open and digging through it, finally finding an unopened box of Pop-tarts. I pulled it out and practically threw it on the counter, impatiently tearing the box open. "Maybe he won't get better," David mocked. I glowered down at the Pop-tarts and grabbed a package. "Maybe he'll die there, as all fags deserve."

I crushed the Pop-tarts in my hands, crumbs falling to the counter. Rage filled my entire body at the statement but I held it back. He wanted to make me angry. If I reacted I was just doing what he wanted. I defiantly ate a bite of the crushed Pop-tart, not looking at him.

"Or maybe next time someone sees him wandering around, they'll set out to kill him. He was let off easy last time. Maybe he'd lose an eye instead. I'm sure he'd scream quite a bit for that."

I whirled around and leapt at him, raising a fist and punching him as hard as I could. "I'll fucking kill you!" I screeched. He fell against the counter and I punched him again, this time in the eye. I went in for another blow but he recovered first, and his fist sent me stumbling backwards and into the table.

"What's the matter, did I hit a nerve?" he asked, anger poorly hidden in his voice as he stalked towards me. I pushed myself forward, no rational thought in my mind. I just wanted to make him hurt, make him hurt worse than Mello. I swung at him but he caught my wrist in his hand, twisting it sharply enough for me to cry out and stumble. I kicked him and he cursed at me, twisting my wrist further. David flipped us so my spine was digging into the counter, clutching my other wrist when I tried to land a hit. He leaned in close, voice nearly a whisper, "Next time I'll make sure to leave him where no one will find him." I struggled against his hold and spat in his face, feeling mild satisfaction at the complete disgust and rage that came over his expression. I couldn't hold back a gasp when he kneed me in the stomach.

"You won't get away with this," I told him. I struggled in his grip but he wouldn't budge. "You're going to regret laying a finger on him!"

"Your word against mine, little brother. There are no witnesses, and everyone knows you hate me. The court would say you're just trying to get me into trouble." He smirked again. "I've won. Give up."

He released me and took a step back, looking so fucking satisfied with himself. He began to walk away but I jumped at him again, throwing all my strength into one blow. He actually staggered into the wall, a small grunt of pain escaping his lips. He turned towards me, eyes murderous. He raised his fist and pain exploded across my eye and jaw in rapid succession. I didn't even have time to recover before a new voice joined the fray.

"What the fuck is going on in here?" I turned towards my dad, who was standing in the doorway, eyes dark.

"You saw, Matt just jumped me!" David shouted, his face the picture of disbelief.

"No! You started it!" I defended weakly, but my dad was glaring at me and I knew he didn't believe me.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? I walked in here and saw you jump him!"

"No, dad," I pleaded. I wiped the blood from my chin, but he seemed not to notice, because his glare never wavered.

"Get out of my sight. If I see something like this again, you're out as soon as you're 18, got it?"

I nodded, seething inside but hiding it well. I gathered my Pop-tarts and retreated to my room. I slammed the door behind me and glared at it, as if my eyes themselves could reach through the doors and hurt David. I couldn't stand him. And I hated that he was right; that I had no proof. I hated that he would probably get away with what he had done to Mello. I had just sat down on my bed when I felt my phone vibrating. I jumped up, digging through my pocket for my phone with shaking hands. I pressed talk hurriedly, pressing the phone to my ear. "Hello?"

"Hey," came Mello's voice, soft and tired, but alive.

"Mello," I said. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. I didn't need to be in the hospital that long, they were just being paranoid," he told me. There was a pause. "I got home this afternoon. Sorry for not calling, the pain medication makes me nauseous, so until an hour ago I wasn't feeling that great."

"It's fine," I said, even though I bristled at being left to worry all day. "I'm just glad you feel better."

"Yeah…you want to come over tomorrow?"

"Yeah," I said eagerly. "When?"

"After school I guess."

"I can skip," I threw out. "I mean…would your parents mind?"

"They won't be home."

I blinked. "Really? But it's your first day back home."

"I convinced them to go back to work; they've already missed two days. I'll be fine on my own. You can come over though, if you want."

I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. "Alright, I'll come over around…noon?"

"Sounds good. See you tomorrow."

"Night," I said, hanging up and staring at the phone longingly. By this time tomorrow, everything should be good again. We'd work it all out, and things would be good.

/…/…/…/

I didn't bother setting my alarm, figuring my dad and David would not notice if I stayed home as long as I slept through them going to work. Plus, why get up early when I could sleep in? I ended up being right, or if they noticed they said nothing, because I awoke to an empty house around quarter to eleven. I rushed around, anxiously getting ready. After a quick shower and breakfast I still had half an hour until I was supposed to go to Mello's house, so I forced myself to sit still and play my DS. I'd never had such trouble focusing on a video game in my life.

Nearly twenty minutes later I jumped up and threw on my coat and boots. I left the house, shivering at the icy wind that met me, and headed towards Mello's house. My mind started to think of all the possible outcomes of our talk but I forced myself to stop thinking. Mello said he did not want to break up. Everything would be fine.

I approached his house slowly, texting him to say I was there as I crossed the street and walked towards his door. He texted me back saying to just come in so I did, pushing the door open and entering the silent house. "Mello?" I called, standing in the doorway.

"In here," he said, and I jumped, because I hadn't seen him sprawled across the couch in the living room from my position. I stood there a moment and he rolled his eyes. "Well don't just stand there, come sit down!"

Oh yes, Mello certainly seemed back to his old self. It was a relief to not see the fragile boy from the hospital. I didn't like that Mello. I never wanted him to look that frail again. I pulled off my boots, damp from the snow, and left them by the doorway so I would not trudge snow through the house. I unzipped my coat as I approached. Mello sat up and I sat down on the other side of the couch, the cushion between us feeling like an endless chasm. I tossed my coat on the floor beside me and turned my body slightly so I was facing him. I watched him a few moments then looked away, the ticking of the clock the only sounds throughout the house, silence lying thick around us, tense and awkward.

Mello shifted, facing me fully, a frown tugging at his lips. His eyes widened abruptly and he stared at me, jaw slack. "What happened to you?" he asked. I shifted uncomfortably as he studied my face. I had a black eye and a large bruise on my jaw.

"Nothing," I mumbled. "Just a stupid fight with David." He opened his mouth but I continued talking before he could interrogate me about child abuse. "We were fighting, he wasn't just beating on me or something."

Mello didn't seem to believe me, but he said nothing, and the silence grew quickly again. He cleared his throat and leaned forward. "Talk," he demanded.

I floundered, hoping for a thought to take form, to find something to say, but I couldn't grasp at anything worthy enough. I didn't have a clue how to start the conversation. "I can't," I said finally. "I don't know how to start."

"Shut up. Talk."

"How can I shut up _and_ talk?"

He glared at me slightly. "You know what I mean."

"Right." I swallowed thickly, my saliva feeling like molasses sliding down my throat, making me want to choke. "Well…fuck Mels, I don't know!" I said, frustrated. I took a slow breath and started over. "What happened that night?"

Mello looked away. "I don't want to talk about it."

My eyes narrowed. "Mello-"

"I said I don't want to talk about it," he interrupted.

"Well you told me to talk, so I'm talking! I want to know what happened!"

He glared at me. "It's none of your business."

"Of course it's my business!" I snapped, staring at him incredulously. "You're my boyfriend! Someone dumped you outside of my work!"

He looked away again. "Look, it's over, there's nothing to do about it. Let's just forget it."

"We have to do something."

He turned towards me, scowl painted on his face. "Look, there is nothing to do. I was blindfolded. I didn't see their faces or anything to use against them. We have nothing."

My hands clenched as I wrestled with myself, unsure if I should tell Mello about David. Maybe he'd have an idea on how to catch him…or maybe it was better not to tell him. I just wasn't sure. "Look," I said slowly. "What if we knew who did it? Couldn't we get them arrested?"

He snorted. "Here? I doubt it. There's no evidence to prove anyone did it."

"Even if the person admitted it?" I asked.

Mello shrugged. "Maybe if he confessed to a judge, but who is going to do that? They seemed to enjoy messing with me."

I shuddered and bit my lip. "Mello, you don't understand, I need to know what they did to you. I just…I need to!"

"I don't want to tell you!" Mello yelled. "I'm so fucking sick of talking about it! It happened and now it's over! I was too weak to stop them! That's all there is to it!"

I shook my head fervently. "No, Mello, there wasn't only one person, right? How could you expect to fight them all off? Besides, David is-" I cut myself abruptly, slamming my mouth closed so hard my teeth clashed together. ShitshitSHIT.

"David?" he asked, eyes calculating.

I fumbled with a lie in my mind, a reason for me to say my brother's name, but knew it was hopeless. "David told me he was the one that attacked you," I admitted, shame lacing my voice. Mello said nothing so I rushed on. "I'm so sorry. This wouldn't have happened if we weren't together. If I'd have known-"

"Matt, stop," he said, voice low. "I knew that voice sounded familiar…" he trailed off, staring into space.

"Mello?" my voice came out thin, like a weathered sheet of paper. "Was he the one who…?"

He seemed to hesitate, and the fear that swam through his eyes at the memory made my insides burn. "I think so. They held me down and someone…I'm pretty sure it was a lighter…because it didn't hurt at first but it got so awful…I couldn't…" His eyes seemed bright and he blinked, looking away and staring at the wall.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"You didn't do it," he said, voice flat.

Silence fell between us again. I slowly scooted over, until we were seated right beside each other. I took his hand with mine, intertwining our fingers. A small smile slipped across his face and I watched as he built up barriers around his eyes, forcing the fear back. He was so strong, so brave, and I admired him so much. But I didn't want him to feel like he needed to hide his emotions from me. I scooted closer until our shoulders were touching, stroking the top of his hand with my thumb. "You're right Mello, it's over," I told him. "We don't have to talk about it, but if you ever need to, I'm here, okay?"

He nodded, gratefulness shining in his eyes, and finally the silence was relaxed. I don't know how long we sat there, simply comforting each other through our presence. When Mello finally did speak, his voice was calm. "We still need to discuss the other stuff…or we're just going to resent each other."

"I don't want to fight."

"We won't, but there's a lot left to decide. Coming out and going public is kind of hampered now, but we need to discuss it, and without arguing, okay?"

I nodded, not looking forward to discussing our fights, but knew it was necessary. "Alright." We moved apart, turning to face each other properly. "Let's talk then."

/…/…/…/

**AN: Finally, it is done! This chapter gave me some issues, but here it is. Next chapter, the second half of the talk, and a look into Mello's past. I know, finally XD**


	20. Control

**Chapter 20: Control**

I really was not looking forward to the conversation, and really, I had no idea where to even start. Looking back on it, we both seemed unreasonable. We had both been so stubborn that we had let it draw us apart. But buried beneath that stubbornness was a real issue, about going public, so I started there. "I'm not sure if going public is a great idea," I said slowly. He nodded. "I wanted to but…what happened scared me," I admitted. "It sounds so pathetic, but I don't want it to happen to me."

"I don't want it to happen to you either," he agreed. "This is what I was afraid of in the first place. I was worried you'd get hurt."

"But when I didn't come out you weren't happy," I pointed out.

He was silent a moment. "I think I was almost nostalgic for my old high school, where I could date my boyfriend publically. When you decided to come out I was scared but excited, because it would be more like we were really dating."

I nodded slowly. "I thought you were being pushy about my decision, but we were both being unreasonable. I want to come out but not like, to the whole school at once. Maybe if I stopped making such a big deal out of it…I still want to tell Joe though," I said. "Maybe not suddenly kissing in the hall, but I want to tell Joe for sure. After that we'll see how it goes."

"Sounds good. I…" he trailed off a moment, unsure, before he continued to talk. "It scared me, what happened. I just don't want to risk something else like that happening. I just think for now we should not go public."

I nodded. "I agree."

"Well that's one thing out of the way," he said.

"Yeah." I debated if I should ask, fearing it may be a sensitive subject, but forced myself to just say it. "How did you come out?" His expression darkened and I backtracked furiously. "I mean you don't have to say-"

"No, just…well it wasn't some easy thing," he said. His eyes grew distant and he squeezed my hand. "I was at a different school when I came out and the reaction was a lot like it was here. I mean, I was only thirteen then, so it wasn't quite the same." He paused and took a slow breath. "People bullied me in the halls, I wasn't as good at fighting back then. Mostly they just called me names or stole my stuff. One day a couple guys followed me home from school. It was…bad. Like, hospital bad. I had to stay in the hospital for a couple days to recover. We planned to move after the school year ended so I was stuck there for an extra month, and the taunts never stopped. I got into a couple small fights but nothing as bad as the first time. And…yeah. My parents researched a more accepting community and we moved."

"That's awful," I said quietly.

"That's why I worry," he stated simply, not meeting my eyes.

I slid closer and kissed him delicately. We were silent for a while, and then talked some more, about how his next school was very accepting of gay couples, about how he could be with his boyfriend in public. His old school had a gay straight alliance, and he'd met people to talk to, which is how he got so adjusted. He'd never had any issues in that school. I talked about my doubts about being public and explained why I wanted to go public so badly. We fantasized about being together openly in college and imagined fun ways to get David back, which made us laugh. In the end I felt a lot better, and he seemed to as well. Finally things felt alright again.

To my surprise, when Mello got back to school, he got a lot of sympathetic looks. I had expected people to stare, but I had expected cruel comments about him deserving it, not people averting their eyes when he approached. I couldn't believe it, but people almost seemed to feel sorry for him. Certainly not everyone; there were still people who said he deserved it, or who looked at him and smirked at the burn, but a lot of people seemed repulsed. Maybe seeing someone actually hurt because of homophobia was too much for most people. Maybe they really weren't as bad as we thought.

A couple people even talked to Mello about the burn, expressing their disgust. Granted they were people who had never seemed to have an opinion, but it was something. It was a sign that everyone at school was not cold hearted.

Of course not everyone was like that. "Hey freak, someone finally got to you!" Nick shouted across the hall. I tensed but Mello kept walking, not looking at him. "What's wrong? Can't stand up for yourself? Weakling. You deserved it! I wish they'd gotten more of your face!"

I reeled around and jumped at him, fist shooting out. Nick leapt back so I hit his shoulder instead of his jaw. The hall went dead silent and Nick's face twisted into a snarl, but before he could do anything the bell rang. "Don't think this is over," he growled. He pushed me roughly and kept walking, shooting a comment at Mello that I didn't hear. Mello glared at him, and when I approached, it fell on me.

He didn't need to say anything. "Sorry. He just pisses me off."

He shook his head but said nothing, and we walked to class together, not mentioning it again. Besides that, the comments were pretty tame. The week passed uneventfully and we made plans to meet up on Friday since we had off. We had stopped fighting and everything seemed to be going well, and as awful as it was, at least the attack had bought us back together.

/…/…/…/

"Come on, can't we go somewhere else?" I pleaded with Mello as I stood on the cracked doorstep. I stared at the ground, at the green prickly weeds growing through the crack in the cement. I really did not want to be here.

"Oh come on, Matt," Mello persisted, coming to stand beside me. "You said they wouldn't be home, they're both at work. Just a couple of hours."

I sighed and relented, unlocking the door, giving it a shove when it stuck. I led Mello inside, standing awkwardly in the living room as he looked around. "I don't know why you want to be here so much, you've seen it."

"Not really," he said, looking around, nose scrunched just slightly in poorly disguised disgust. "I was kind of distracted at the time."

I sighed, wishing we had decided to spend the day off at my house the night before so I'd have had the chance to clean up. I rarely bothered, since my family would just trash it again, and my dad usually cleaned up at least a bit at the end of the week. He hadn't this week though, and so there were still beer cans spread sporadically over the floor, trash from mass produced snack food tossed on the floor. One ashtray was overflowing with ashes and cigarette butts, the other overturned on the floor so the ashes darkened the floor. The house also smelt strongly of smoke, and while I didn't mind the smell, it was apparent Mello did. "Want something to drink?" I asked. He shrugged and I led him to the kitchen. "What do you want?"

"Soda is fine, if you have it."

I nodded, opening the fridge, ignoring the tense silence when Mello got a look at just how much beer we had in the fridge. I grabbed two sodas and straightened, handing him one. I glanced at the clock, trying to force myself to relax. They would not be home for three hours, if they came straight home. We were fine.

The house was small so there wasn't really much else to show him, so I just took him to my room. I closed the door behind us out of habit more than need, hovering uncomfortably as Mello made himself at home on my bed. I opened my soda and took a sip of it. "So…what do you want to do? There's not much to do here."

Mello shrugged. "We could just talk."

"More talking?" I asked.

"Well we don't need to have another soul searching conversation or anything," Mello said. "We can just talk. We can sit in your house without being afraid of your family."

I gave in, walking towards him, thinking maybe he needed this. Maybe he just needed to prove to himself that David didn't scare him or something. But it would be fine, since David would not be here for about three hours, and so I could handle it. "Fine." I sat beside him, taking another gulp of my soda. He followed suit and we sat in silence several minutes. "Well," I said finally, "this is an exciting conversation."

"Shut it."

"So now you _don't_ want to talk?" I asked cheekily.

"Matt," he growled warningly.

"Right, shutting up," I said, scooting back on the bed and leaning against the wall. Mello turned and crawled towards me.

"Matt." I said nothing. "You're not going to really ignore me are you?" he questioned. I averted my eyes stubbornly, fighting a smile. "You know I didn't really want you to shut up," he said sweetly. "Come on, let's discuss something. How about Erikson's theory on development? No? How about imaginary numbers? Or deconstruction theory? Literary criticism is always an exciting topic." I held back a chuckle and Mello's smile widened. "Not getting your attention yet? How about languages? Are you not in the mood for an intellectual conversation? We can discuss the Harry Potter books I see hiding in the corner."

I flushed slightly. "Those are classics!"

Mello smirked. "Harry Potter is a classic?"

I pouted, affronted that he seemed to be insulting the series. "It will be."

He outright laughed at that. "You're actually offended! I love it!" He leaned closer. "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live," he quoted, voice soft.

I gaped at him. "You've read it?"

He rolled his eyes. "Matt, everyone has read it. I'll admit it's not one of my favorites and I certainly wouldn't put it on the same level as Crime and Punishment." He adjusted his expression, turning serious and thoughtful. "What if man is not really a scoundrel, man in general, I mean, the whole race of mankind-then all the rest is prejudice, simply artificial terrors and there are no barriers and it's all as it should be." I blinked back at him. "You cannot put that on the same level as Harry Potter," he said.

"Yes you can…"

Mello scoffed. "Whatever."

"No, Mels, the series isn't the most well written, but the characters are inspiring," I defended. "And it's interesting, and a lot more fun than a lot of classics. And you get attached to the characters-"

"You're so cute," he said, leaning towards me and pressing our lips together. I expected him to pull back but he lingered there. The kiss was slow and tender, and he shifted closer, our lips never breaking. I melted into the kiss as his hand rose to cup my cheek, the other falling to my waist. We stayed there several minutes, just kissing, until he started to push me backwards onto the bed. I broke the kiss off, trying to scoot back, but his hand caught mine.

"Mello-"

"Shh." His lips moved against mine again, more insistent.

I pulled away again. "Mello, not here."

"Why not? No one's home," he murmured, lips moving to my neck instead.

"B-because, they…I don't…" it was really fucking hard to concentrate while he was nipping at my neck, and my train of thought kept dissipating. "Not here," I said again, pushing him away and scooting around him. His arms engulfed my waist and he laid down, pulling me on top of him. "Mello!" I protested. I could feel his lips pressing soft kisses to whatever part of me he could reach as I struggled to sit up.

"What are you so afraid of?" he muttered, rolling us over so he was on top. I glared up at him but he just pressed his lips to mine again, pinning my arms to my sides as he sucked on my bottom lip. "He's not here and he can't stop us," he said.

I wrenched my arms free, pushing him off. "I said no! Not at my house! David could-"

"I don't give a fuck about David!" he snarled, shoving my shoulders into the mattress, gripping them hard enough to make me wince. "You can't let him stop you from doing what you want. He doesn't fucking control us."

He forced his tongue into my mouth and didn't hesitate to take over. I was completely swept away and it wasn't until I had finally relaxed that he released my arms. His hand traced messy patterns down my chest, stopping at the waistline of my jeans and pressing down. I twitched, his fingers slowly splaying lower, still applying just enough pressure to make me arch into his grasp without meaning to. I could feel a familiar warmth stirring as his hand drifted lower. His rhythm never broke as he kissed me, his hand making me squirm for a bit of friction. He pulled away, jerking his shirt off and dropping it to the floor. He scooted back so I could sit up and I pulled my own shirt off, rising myself to my knees so I could press my lips to Mello's. He responded immediately, hand sliding down my back. "I love your ass," he growled, squeezing it. I jumped slightly, surprised, and my knee slipped so I fell on his lap. We both groaned softly and I shifted in his lap, increasing the friction. He gasped and shoved me off and onto the bed, following me and grinding our hips together. I was already hard and could feel he was too, and I no longer was worried about my family coming home. It was strangely satisfying to be having sex with another man in their house.

His fingers fumbled impatiently for my zipper and when he finally found it, practically ripped my jeans off. His quickly followed, boxers going with them, and then there were no barriers between us. All that remained was heated skin. Our lips met mutually, the kiss frantic as Mello's hand moved downward. He nudged me and I rolled onto my stomach. We didn't have lube but saliva worked fine, and the preparation was feverish. "You ready?" he asked breathlessly, positioning himself at my entrance.

"Yes," I panted, and when he entered it was pain and pleasure and completeness all at once. It hurt but I wanted more of him, and I didn't want to wait. I squeezed the sheets between my hands and bit my lip. He finally sheathed himself completely, waiting for the okay. "Move," I told him, and he didn't need to be told twice, pulling out and slamming back into me. I gasped at the pain that mixed with the pleasure but had no time to adjust. His thrusts were demanding, almost frenzied, and I couldn't even think anymore. His cock hit my prostate and the pain all but vanished. I could hear him grunting above me, and my name falling from his lips was the most beautiful thing I'd heard in my entire life. One of his hands reached around me, groping my cock frantically and pumping it. Whatever rhythm we'd had disintegrated as he shoved himself in deeper, the sound of skin hitting skin filling the room. I could barely breathe or keep myself propped up and he just kept going faster, and soon he was coming inside me, pulling out as soon as the orgasm receded and rolling me over, finishing me with his mouth. I let out a strangled moan when I came, and Mello swallowed it all, eyes glinting with something akin to triumph, before pulling back and collapsing on top of me.

I could feel his labored breaths against my neck. I felt like I would never get enough air again. He rolled off of my and onto his side. A small, tired smile was on his face, forehead damp with sweat. He seemed calmer, one hand reaching out to tilt my head closer. He closed the gap and kissed me slowly. He pulled back and I moved closer as he wrapped an arm around me. We stayed there, silent and recovering for a while, although I honestly wasn't paying attention to the time. A while later Mello shifted, turning to look at the clock. He stretched and sat up, peering down at me. "We should shower before they get home."

My eyes darted to the clock, but we still had time, and really I couldn't resist him. Besides, I felt sticky and getting clean sounded good. Mello followed me to the bathroom, closing the door behind him as I started the shower. I stepped in and he followed, molding his body to mine and kissing my damp shoulder, making me blush. Even though we'd just had sex, showering together felt so…intimate.

I was jolted out of my thoughts when I felt his hands massaging my scalp. I relaxed as he worked shampoo into my hair, thoughts drifting. I'd just had sex with Mello in my house. That was so huge. I had almost lost him because of the stunt David pulled. Anger flared inside me at the thought. That he could hurt someone that meant so much to me just made me so angry.

Mello was more of a family to me than my own family. He meant more to me than anyone else ever had. It wasn't fair that I had to hide from the people who meant nothing to me.

I started when Mello's hand drifted down my arm, soap suds rising as he moved. He cleaned with the intent to wash, because there was no time for another round…

They were going to be home soon. I had to clean my sheets, they were a mess. I needed to change them and stash the old ones; no way I could finish washing them before they got back. And what if my dad got home early? He did sometimes, and if he came home to see us both in the shower together-

"Calm down," Mello muttered, squeezing my now tense shoulders. "We have time." He smiled reassuringly and I couldn't help but smile back. This boy had endured a beating from my brother, just because David thought we were together. He'd brought me into his home like I was part of his family, and forgave me for any mistake I made. He knew just how to make me feel better, and we'd overcome a lot in a short time to still be together. I'd never felt so close to another person. He was everything. "I love you." The words escaped my lips, not even registering in my brain before being spoken. His eyes widened, the smile suddenly dropping off his face. He looked almost panicked.

"I…um, I better go. Before they get back," he said as he pulled back. He scrambled out of the shower, drying off hurriedly. I turned off the water and ventured out slowly, watching him. "Mello?" I question, heart clenching.

He didn't answer, practically sprinting out the door and into my bedroom. I followed, watching as he threw his clothes on. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Mello, wait," I said desperately. What was going on? What had I done? He was already dressed, not meeting my eyes. "Y-you don't have to go. They won't be back for another half hour," I said, even though I knew he wasn't running because of that.

"Better be safe," he said. He shifted uncomfortably and walked forwards, pecking me on the lips and backing away. "I'll…I'll see you tomorrow okay? Bye."

I started to speak, but he was already gone.

/…/…/…/

**AN: …..Please don't hate me XD Sorry for the wait, I have been busy lately. I will update as soon as I can, and after that ending, I'll try to not make you wait long. Again, a special thank you to all my wonderful reviewers, it's you who inspire me to write faster :) Thanks for your support.**


	21. Explanations

**AN: Sorry for the wait everyone, I've just been busy with friends, since the past couple weeks some of them are leaving the state, and one was visiting from out of state. Then I got sick, classes started, etc. Then I went to see Lady Gaga, who is incredible live…there are no words for how her concert made me feel. Basically I was never home XD I will try to update sooner next time.**

/…/…/…/…/

Chapter 21: Explanations

I honestly had no idea how to react at first. I was…blank. It was like some fucked up defense mechanism; my mind just shut down and refused to acknowledge that Mello had run away when I told him I loved him. As I had cleaned my room, the conversation flying through my mind, I had felt nothing, as if it had happened to someone else. Because that couldn't have just happened to me. After all the shit the two of us had been through, there was no way three little words could make him flee like that.

That lasted all of five minutes before the reality of the situation really sunk in. Mello had left, and right after we had sex. And not just sex, some…strange, aggressive sex that seemed completely out of the blue. It had been good of course but…I'd let it happen in my house, and not even an hour after he bailed, like I was some common prostitute.

My emotions ricocheted wildly between gut crushing anguish and all encompassing rage. I was a child whose birthday was forgotten then someone betrayed by their best friend. The grief was endless, a deep chasm that threatened to swallow me whole and never release me if I thought long enough to fall into it, so I clung to anger instead. Anger was easier. I allowed it to consume me, pushing back the bad feelings.

I leapt towards the door and ran to the living room. "Fine, leave then!" I shouted at him, even though Mello was long gone. "See if I care! What's wrong with saying what I fucking feel?" I shrieked, kicking the end table.

I reeled towards the wall, pounding it with my fist, the pain registering dimly in the back of my mind. My heart felt like it was trying to pound its way out of my chest. "What did I do?" I punched the wall again. "Well fuck you, Mello!" I yelled, turning towards the door. I kicked it for good measure. "Go to Hell! I don't need you!"

I cleaned my room, movements jerky and fast. I changed the sheets and put my room back in order, ignoring the sounds of my family returning. I threw myself down on my bed, pulling out my DS and mashing the buttons wildly, attempting to lose myself in the virtual world in front of me. I couldn't make myself calm down though, and every challenge just made me angrier.

An hour passed, the anger simmering down, leaving me feeling empty. After everything we had been through, how could those stupid three words ruin everything? Depression bled into my head, and soon I was asking myself tons of teenage angst questions and answering them with equally teenage angst answers. _'Why doesn't he love me? Why would he run? He couldn't be using me could he? Why would he love me anyway? I can't even tell anyone about the most important person in my life. My family is so screwed up. And everyone knows you're not supposed to drop the L bomb so soon. What was I thinking? What's wrong with me?'_

My emotions moved repeatedly through anger and hurt all evening, and eventually I fell into a troubled sleep, only to wake up the next morning with the same feelings rolling around, making me feel sick to my stomach. What had I done to deserve such a reaction? Sure it would hurt if he didn't love me (which he obviously didn't) but what hurt worse was his terrible reaction.

I sat around all day, playing my games, not leaving my room. I was thankful I didn't have work because I didn't have the energy to deal with idiots today. Admittedly the distraction would have been better than wallowing in self pity, but in the end, I wallowed all day and into the night before giving up and laying down on my bed, letting my worriers and anger consume me.

How could he have done that?

I felt my phone vibrating and rolled over, digging in my pocket to find it. I checked the caller ID, both hoping and dreading that it would be Mello calling. Incidentally, it was him, and I stared at the phone for two rings before I finally pushed talk and held the phone to my ear. "Hello," I stated, voice cold.

Mello was quiet for a moment before he cleared his voice and spoke. "Matt…look, about yesterday-"

"Yes, what about yesterday?" I asked, voice still icy. There wasn't a trace of the hurt or confusion I felt in my voice. I wanted him to know how angry he had made me. "About how I told you I loved you and you ran away right after we had sex like I was some whore you fucked on the way home?"

"No, I mean, it's not like that," he insisted. "If you'd just let me explain-"

"Why?" I interrupted. "You didn't give me the chance to explain yesterday. I tried to stop you but you just ran. So, why should I let you say anything?"

"Matt, wait, please," he insisted, voice finally turning slightly panicked. "I know I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry, okay? It's not you."

I scoffed. "Really, Mello? The 'it's not you it's me' line? You're going to try and win me over with that bullshit? Well forget it. If you didn't feel the same you could have said so, you didn't have to run," I said, failing to mask the hurt from my voice near the end. My throat felt tight so I stopped talking, biting my lip.

"Matt, please just…can we talk?" he asked, voice quiet. "Face to face? I promise I can explain. I shouldn't have run, that was a stupid move, but I can at least explain why I did. There's a reason and I promise it has nothing to do with you. It's old drama I let get to me. So can we talk…please?"

I wanted to hold onto the anger and resentment, but hearing him so apologetic, borderline pleading, made me give in. "Fine," I sighed, lying back down on my bed and staring up at the ceiling. "When?"

"How about now?"

I sat up abruptly, looking at the clock. "It's like, eleven."

"Yeah, so?" he asked. "We can talk at my house…or the park or something, if you want more common ground."

"The park is closed," I deadpanned.

"Oh, right. I forgot it closes. I mean, we could just sit on the curb near my house, so we don't have to worry about running into anyone in the bars or something. Or my house is fine, if you want. Or yours, it doesn't matter."

I stopped him. "Let's just walk towards each other and meet up, okay? I guess we could talk outside," I said, even though it was nearly February and freezing.

Mello sighed. "Okay, fine, we'll meet halfway. I think there's an IHOP we can walk to."

"Okay."

"And wear a coat, dammit," he ordered. He hung up. I rolled my eyes, stuffing my phone into my pocket. Still, it was nice he'd thought of my health. I pulled my coat on and stole out of my house, going unnoticed by my family. I shivered as the late January air ripped through me, stuffing my hands in my pockets and bowing my head against the wind. I stared at the powdery snow blowing across the sidewalk as I walked, trying to figure out what to say when I met up with Mello.

And then I ran into him.

"Um... hey," I mumbled, shivering when his hands came out to catch me. It had nothing to do with how cold it was. Even when I was angry he had a strong effect on me.

"Hey," he said quietly. We were silent a moment. As if just realizing he was still holding my arms he let go, taking a step back and looking away for a moment. "So, can I explain? I mean..."

My face couldn't pick an expression, so I kept it blank. "Sure," I mumbled. We stood awkwardly for a few seconds and I shivered pointedly. "At IHOP though, right?" I hated how as soon as I saw him, my anger kind of melted away. I knew I should still be livid, but just seeing him there, looking so sorry, already made me want things to just be fixed.

He blinked, like he had snapped out of some trance. "Oh right, yeah." He moved around me. "You walked right past the block you're supposed to turn on."

My cheeks flushed slightly in embarrassment, mostly because I had lived in town a lot longer than him, but it was cold so Mello didn't notice. I followed him back the way I came and turned the corner. We walked down the block in silence until the giant blue letters of IHOP came into view. The rush of warm air when we walked inside was pleasant, and we were seated right away. There weren't many people in the restaurant, which was refreshing, since the place always seemed busy no matter how late it was. There were a few teenagers sprinkled throughout, but no one I recognized from school. We were led towards the back of the restaurant and took our seats across from each other. The waitress left to get our drinks (soda for me and hot chocolate for Mello, which I couldn't imagine would taste very good with his pancakes) and we sat in silence again.

Our waitress brought us our drinks and I ordered, not feeling hungry but figuring it would look weird if I didn't get something. I felt a little too sick to eat. Once she had taken our orders she left, leaving us in silence again. I cleared my throat and spoke. "Well?" I asked, my voice colder than I meant to make it.

He fiddled with the napkin in front of him, looking uncharacteristically nervous. "It has nothing to do with you," he promised, avoiding eye contact. "It was…it has to do with my ex boyfriend," he said. I said nothing so he continued. "At my old school, I dated this boy. His name was Jesse. We dated for over a year." The surprise must have shown on my face because he nodded. "Yeah, it's a pretty long time. I really cared about him. He'd been there for me through a lot of crap. Anyway…we had sex." He seemed to suppress a wince and rushed on. "I know you don't wanna hear it, but we did. And well, I always topped, because I just have never wanted to bottom. I thought Jesse was okay with it, I mean, he never said anything!"

He took a slow breath to calm himself down and continued, quieter. "I would have, for him I mean. I would have done it if he really wanted to, but he never said anything. So, for our year anniversary we planned this big day and it ended in…you know, and it was just this big romantic day, and he said he loved me for the first time."

"Wait, for the first time?"

Mello was looking increasingly uncomfortable and shrugged. "Yeah. He wasn't big on vocalizing how he felt, so when he said it, I thought he really meant it." His expression darkened and I knew the story was about to take a very bad turn. "I found out almost a week later that the next night, he went out and had sex with someone else. That fucker Near would never top anyone, so he was a good choice," he spat.

I had absolutely no idea what to say to that, my emotions once again in turmoil. Part of me was still hurt and angry for his reaction the day before, and the other part of me was crying out in sympathy for the boy I loved, fighting to say I couldn't blame him after he'd had such a bad experience with the word in the past. "I'm sorry," I said finally, flinching inwardly at the stupid statement. Could I have said something dumber?

He was actually visibly upset, and the sympathy began to win out, especially once he started talking again. "It was awful, so when you said it, it was just so similar to that night. I just panicked. I didn't think. I just had to get out." He bit his lip. "I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry for running out on you. I care about you a lot." I could tell the 'but' was coming and braced myself. "But," he continued, guilt flashing through his eyes, "I can't just say it back. I just don't know about love yet. I don't think I loved Jesse, though I may be biased now, but I said it anyway. If I say it again I want to be sure."

"Oh…" I trailed off, trying to look understanding when really inside, it hurt a lot to know he didn't love me.

"Matt…fuck," he swore in frustration. "Look, I still really care about you. More than Jesse. I just don't know. But I shouldn't have run like that, I didn't mean to hurt you. It was my gut reaction." We sat in silence again until our food arrived, but when it did neither of us moved to eat. He finally looked at me again and spoke. "Will you forgive me?" he asked, voice nearly silent.

I contemplated him for a while, but really, a part of me had known as soon as he called that I would forgive him. I shrugged, looking down at my food. "I guess."

"So…we're okay?"

I sighed but nodded, forcing a smile onto my face. It had been awful of him to run from me but he had apologized, and his reason made sense. I just…couldn't stay mad at him, even if I wanted to. And even though it physically hurt, knowing he didn't love me, and even though anger still simmered slightly in my veins, sympathy won out, and I cared about him too much to let something so stupid break us apart. "Yeah, we're okay."

/…/…/…/

**AN: Ugh, so much shorter than normal, but this needed to get out. So here is Mello's explanation. What do you think, would you have forgiven him if you were Matt? When you're smitten with someone it's hard to stay mad XD Things have calmed down so I should update sooner. Sorry again for the delay, thanks to all my amazing reviewers, you guys are what pushed me to even finish this chapter, since I was feeling uninspired lately. I'll work on the next chapter right away.**


	22. Hate Crime

Chapter 22: Hate Crime

My birthday was a slightly awkward affair. Since I turned eighteen mere days after Mello and I made up, there was still tension in the air when we met up. It wasn't a spectacular day, certainly better than a normal birthday, but things were kind of weird. I hadn't fully forgiven Mello for the 'I Love You' incident, and he knew it. I was lucky enough to have my birthday on a Saturday so I didn't have to deal with school, but just so I could avoid my family, Mello picked me up at practically the crack of dawn. He showed up at nine, eyes tired, and I slipped into his car in silence, buckling up as he pulled away from the curb.

It was too early for either of us to feel like going anywhere so we ended up going back to his house. His mom was already up, getting ready to go shopping (how did these women go out shopping so early for their silly doorbusters?), and Mello's dad was reading the paper, sipping his coffee.

After exchanging standard pleasantries we climbed the stairs to his room and crawled into his bed where it was warm, Mello encouraging me to decide what we should do for my birthday. I really had no idea, so we ended up just wandering the town several hours later, just hanging out. It was fine but weird, because Mello was not acting like himself. I'd never known him to be so reserved. I wished that I'd never told him I loved him, if it was going to make things weird. Ever since that day Mello had been different. Sure, part of it was from guilt, and worrying about how I felt, but I wondered if part of it was just the love part.

Over the next few weeks' things slowly seemed to go back to normal. Valentine's day came and went, the homophobes acting out slightly more on the day, but it was nothing severe. Mello and I didn't go out to do anything special, but we spent the day together. It wasn't the sickeningly sweet day most people dreamed of, but it was nice.

While much of the school seemed to be more accepting of Mello now that time had gone by, there were still those people, including Nick, who didn't. As February came to a close, Nick's insults seemed to grow worse, as if making up for the students who left Mello alone. What really made me mad was that the teachers who saw it happening did nothing.

I'd been walking down the hall with Mello, talking about nothing in particular, when Nick shoved between us in his haste to get down the hall. "Watch where you're going, fags," he spat. Mello tensed at the plural and surged forward, bumping Nick's shoulder harshly.

Nick turned to scowl at him and Mello smiled mockingly. "Oops, sorry about that. I know you're too much of a pussy to take a hit." Nick snapped and shoved Mello before I could move to stop him, and Mello flew backwards, slamming into the lockers. A hush fell across the hall, and the algebra teacher spared us a glance before turning back to his notebook.

I hardly had time to be shocked at such blatant favoritism before Nick started talking. "Think I can't take you, flamer? Just try it, you'll wish you had let those guys burn your whole face off."

Mello chuckled humorlessly. "I'm so scared," he drawled sarcastically.

Nick looked like he was about to go in for the kill as the algebra teacher stepped back into his room, but the warning bell rang before anything else could happen. Mello's eyes glinted in triumph as the students scurried around us to reach class before the final bell sounded. "You're not going to get away with making me look stupid."

"Really?" Mello asked. "Because I keep managing it. It's really not that difficult."

"You better fucking watch it," Nick growled as several lingering students chuckled at Mello's response. "You have no idea what I am capable of."

Mello's smirk widened as he pushed himself away from the lockers. Even though he had to look up at Nick, he was still intimidating. "You're too worried about your perfect record to do anything. At least I'm not a coward."

"Don't tempt me. When that opportunity comes around," he said, suddenly turning towards me. Our eyes locked and I held back a shudder at the malice in his eyes. "I'm taking it." Mello's jaw clenched and Nick turned from him fully, shouldering past me and strutting down the hall. We watched him go in silence then walked to class without a word.

The next few days passed in a blur. I had never paid close attention before, but I saw Nick around a lot more often. Sometimes it was normal, seeing him at his locker or in the cafeteria. Other times it seemed like he was purposefully going out of his way to run into us, whether we were together or alone.

Every time he passed us he had some kind of remark ready. It quickly deviated from the regular 'fags' to actual insults, aimed to hurt us. He tried the marriage issue, and when that didn't work, the family one. Of course, that one was worse on me than Mello, since Nick would comment on how "your family will beat you within an inch of your life when they find out, who wants some gay kid for a son?" He didn't realize how true the words were for me, especially because no one actually knew if I was gay.

But Nick's constant harassment was causing rumors to brew. It was Michelle who leaned over in chemistry and whispered them to me. Mello was not pleased.

On the plus side, the new worries we had about Nick seemed to make us closer. We talked more, and the tension that had surrounded us vanished even more. Soon, things returned to (almost) normal between us. We went back to hanging out nearly every night, and that at least was a relief. I hadn't realized how much I missed being with him like that. I was willing to go out with him every night despite David getting suspicious again. I was past being scared of him, I was too angry. He had no proof that Mello and I were together, and so I would keep spending as much time with him as I wanted. I was not letting him rule my life anymore.

/…/…/…/

"Hey you fags, you know you're going to Hell right?" Nick taunted one day while Mello was at his locker after school. Mello stiffened but said nothing, so Nick pressed his advantage. "I don't know who God hates more; the pussy who isn't man enough to fuck someone, or the fucker that would rather hurt their partner than be hurt themselves."

Mello whirled towards him, the punch catching Nick totally off guard. The bigger boy stumbled backwards and I rushed to Mello's side. The hall had fallen absolutely silent. Nick looked furious and pleased with himself all at once. "Did I hit a nerve?" he asked.

"I'm sorry if the thought of me and Matt fucking turns you on, but we're not, so you'll have to make do with your fantasies while you jerk off," he growled. My eyes widened at the comeback and a gasp ran through the crowd, whispered conversations starting as Nick's smirk dropped. For a second I thought he was going to jump us.

Instead he slowly moved towards us, lowering his voice so that the crowd that had gathered couldn't hear him. "The only thing I fantasize about at night is finishing the job those guys started."

"You don't have the balls," Mello stated quietly, eyes challenging.

Nick shrugged. "Oh no, I'm not stupid enough to go to jail over something as pathetic as _you_, but if I had done it, I would have burned you with more than just a lighter, you can believe that. I'd make sure none of your skin got away unmarked."

"Shut up!" I shouted, shoving him back and out of Mello's face. Surprise danced across his expression for a brief moment before he smiled knowingly.

"Defending your boyfriend, Matt? Think you can beat me?" He spread his arms invitingly. I said nothing else, not moving, and he lowered them. "I'll see you around," he said, sweeping down the hall.

"I hate that guy," I muttered. Mello nodded in agreement as the students moved along. "I just want to…I don't know. I don't even know," I growled in frustration.

"Let's just go," Mello said, glaring down the hall in the direction Nick had gone. He grabbed his backpack and slammed his locker shut without looking away. "I'm sick of being here."

We rushed out, barely avoiding the usual traffic congestion that was inevitable when high school students were trying to escape at the end of the day. His house was quiet, and instead of going to his room, we curled up on the couch to watch TV until his parents got home. Even after so much time I was still slightly amazed that his parents could come in and see me curled against Mello's side and not bat an eyelash.

His mom went to start dinner and his dad wanted to watch an episode of _Deadliest Catch_ that he had taped, so we retired to his room. I stretched out on his bed and smiled at him. "Oh look, you got me on your bed," I said in fake surprise.

He chuckled and leaned over me. "So I did," he muttered, pressing his lips to mine. He lingered only a minute before standing and moving to his desk, sitting down.

"Hey," I pouted.

He ignored me. "I have a project due in a couple days and I'm not letting you distract me anymore. I haven't even started."

I blinked at him, surprised. Mello was not the type of person to leave homework until the last minute. "Really? Why did you wait?"

He shrugged, looking just slightly uncomfortable. "I don't know, we've been hanging out a lot." Silence stretched between us as Mello dug through his backpack. "Shit," he said a few moments later.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He growled and tossed his backpack to the floor. "I left my textbook in my locker. I really need it if I'm going to start this tonight."

"The janitors might let you in. There might be a couple people left in the building," I suggested.

"I'd have time before dinner," he mused. "Would you mind?"

"I don't care," I told him, and minutes later we were in his car driving towards the school.

The parking lot was nearly empty when we got there. Mello parked and we both got out of the car, slowly walking towards the school. There were only a few cars in the parking lot, most in the staff section, but it looked like a couple students were still lingering from detention or tutoring. The doors were locked from the outside, but he rang the buzzer until he was let in.

I was about to follow when my phone started vibrating. I paused, checking my phone, surprised to see David was calling. I stopped dead. He never called me. "David is calling," I told Mello.

He turned around. "I'll grab it, you talk to him," he said. I nodded and opened my phone, greeting David as Mello vanished into the school. Slowly I trudged back towards the car.

"What do you want, David?"

"Why Matt, what did I do to get such a harsh greeting?" he questioned.

I rolled my eyes. "What is it?"

"We were just wondering if you'd be home for dinner," he asked innocently.

My eyes narrowed, because they never cared if I was going to be home for dinner or not. "No," I told him, leaning against Mello's car.

"Are you with Mello?"

"Why?"

"So you are. You know Matt, I thought you would have learned. If you hang out with him you're going to turn into one of them."

"Just back off," I snapped, walking around to the passenger door and seeing if it was open. It wasn't. "I'm so sick of…" I trailed off, catching sight of Nick, of all people, strutting out of the school. Judging from the direction he was walking, he had spotted me. "Look, I have to go," I said, not waiting for a response before hanging up. I looked beyond Nick but didn't see Mello, and judging by the look on Nick's face, this was not a good time to be alone with him.

"Well look here, it's Matt, all alone," he stated.

"Wow, how observant of you," I drawled. "What are you doing here so late?"

"I tutor," he told me, shrugging. "looks good on applications. That freshman was really dumb which is why I was stuck here so long. The school is practically empty. I think the last office lady was getting ready to leave. I need to make people pay me for dealing with idiots." He stepped closer and I backed up, away from the car. If he was going to come after me I wanted to be in good view of the school. "What's wrong?" he asked, moving closer.

"Back off."

"I'm not doing anything."

"If you were so eager to leave why not just go?" I glanced at the school but there was no sight of anyone. I really did not want to be alone with Nick.

"What, am I making you nervous?" he moved closer. I didn't want to back down but didn't want to let him near me either, so I settled for taking a half step back.

"I don't know why you have such a problem with me. Is it just because I am smarter than you?" '_Idiot!_' I yelled at myself. _'What are you doing? Shut up!'_

His amusement fell, a certain darkness leaking across his features. "What did you say?" he didn't wait for an answer. "You're not smarter than me; you're just an ass kisser. Besides, I make it a habit of not liking flamers."

What was taking Mello so long? "I never said I was one."

"You didn't have to. Where's your little fuck buddy?" he taunted, closing the space between us so I was forced to crane my neck to look up at him. I was so screwed. "Got nothing to say?" he growled, grabbing my shirt in his beefy fingers and slamming me against the fence surrounding the tennis court. My head smacked against the metal pole and I grunted, but otherwise stayed silent. "What's the matter? Not so tough when he's not around, are you? Is that why he's dating you; because he was desperate enough to take anyone who'd take it _from_ him."

I snarled and shoved him backwards. "Get off me!" he only stumbled back several inches, dragging me with him, before throwing me against the fence again. "At least I've got someone, who have you dated in the past year?" I asked sarcastically.

My hands automatically rose to my mouth in shock. Fuck, what had I done? I'd just admitted it! Of all the times to say it, out of all the people to let it slip to, it was to Nick, in the empty parking lot two hours after school had ended. Nick's face was lit with triumph as he closed in on me, and instinctively I shrunk back into the fence. Oh God, what had I _done?_

"I knew it," he stated, chuckling darkly as he towered over me. "It was so fucking obvious. Why did you go gay, Matt? Was it because you couldn't find a chick that would let you bang her?"

"Shut up," I said quietly, wanting to lash out while the other side of me was screaming to _"shut the fuck up before you make it worse!"_

"You think you'll just get away with this now that I know?" he asked. "You're gonna be lucky to get through the year."

Anger was rising in me, because I was so sick of hiding and being scared. Nick was not going to push me around anymore. There was nothing left to hide now that he knew. "I'm not afraid of you," I told him. In my mind it wasn't a lie, because for that moment, my anger was stronger. A smaller part of me was terrified because it knew the situation would not end well.

"You're not?" he asked mockingly. "You gonna take me?"

I smirked, the words escaping before I could stop them. "Is that an offer? No thanks, I have Mello for that. Not that you could pay me to touch your revolting excuse of a-"

His eyes hardened and his fist connected with my jaw before I realized he had even swung it. I stumbled sidewise but he didn't stop there, delivering another blow to my nose that had me staggering back. He gripped my shirt and raised his fist again but I kicked him, hard, and his hold loosened enough for me to slip away. He followed me, swinging again, but I dodged, finally landing a solid blow on his jaw. I felt a moment of triumph at his growl of pain and swung at him a second time. He took a step back but came at me again, and his next strike was so violent that it sent me flying to the ground. I couldn't think for a moment, brain only comprehending that it hurt, and he delivered a kick to my side while I was down. I kicked back blindly, connecting with his shin, and forced myself up, but he recovered quickly.

I backed away but had no cover in the parking lot, since there weren't really any other cars around. He ran at me but his size worked against him and I dodged around him. He turned, letting out a roar as he jumped at me. I let my instincts take over, dodging and punching whenever I could. We vision zoomed in on just him, and I managed to land another hit and dodge another. Nick's swing was wild and he stumbled past me, but he turned abruptly and dived towards me. He just managed to catch my legs and I sprawled backwards, the impact with the cement knocking the wind out of me. He straddled my legs and the punches flew, too fast for me to stop, too many to defend myself against. Pain kept exploding across my face as I feebly tried to defend myself. I tried to buck him off but he was too heavy. A whimper escaped my mouth without permission.

"Not so tough now, are you?" he asked. Blood was coating my face, in my mouth, in my goggle free eyes. I could feel it dripping down my neck as I desperately tried to hit back, to do something, anything to make him stop. My head was spinning and everything was so loud, happening so fast that I couldn't think.

Suddenly arms wrapped around Nick's neck and someone pulled him away from me. Nick walked backwards and slammed the person into the fence. The person let go and kicked the back of Nick's legs, causing them to buckle.

It was Mello, and I just stared at him as he took a swing at Nick, connecting with his left eye. Nick swung at him but Mello danced backwards out of his reach, stopping just in front of me. "Don't you_ ever_ touch him again!" he shrieked, and I'd never heard that level of anger in his voice before. I sat up fully, wincing at the throbbing of my chest. I stood shakily, hunched over behind Mello as Nick wiped blood from his face.

"What, you gonna stop me, fairy?" he asked. "I can see why you took him, he's easy to overpower. Must come in handy when you're-"

He didn't get a chance to finish the sentence because Mello ran at him, catching Nick by surprise long enough for Mello to land two hits before he retaliated. Mello fell to the ground from one hit but rolled behind him, catching the back of Nick's head. Nick kicked backwards, connecting with Mello's thigh. I watched, slightly dazed, as Mello got a couple more hits in before he was knocked to the ground. Only then did I join the fray again, running at Nick and beating whatever part of him I could reach.

Things got chaotic after that, and soon we were all on the ground, a tangled mess of bodies hitting, scratching, and kicking. I couldn't see who was who anymore and my head was pounding. I could feel the blood pumping through my veins, and pain took a backseat as I fought to protect Mello. Agony ripped through my nose from a strike. I cried out and retaliated. There was a pained howl to my left and I was being pulled up then practically dragged across the parking lot. I resisted, panicked, until I realized it was Mello. "Get in the car," he commanded, practically shoving me through the door, looking over his shoulder nervously as he ran around to the driver's side. I looked out of the back window to see Nick standing. He spit a tooth from his mouth and moved to run towards us, but Mello threw himself into the car, started it, and sped out of the parking lot.

The adrenaline slowly started to fade and I was left exhausted and in pain. I groaned softly and leaned my head back against the seat, but even that hurt.

"Put your seatbelt on," Mello muttered, not taking his eyes off the road. His face was stained with red too. I fumbled with it, hands inexplicitly shaking as I fought to make it work. Everything had happened so fast that I was still trying to process it. Nick knew, and that meant soon everyone would.

I shifted in the seat and looked at Mello. "He knows now," I stated quietly, knowing I wouldn't need to be specific. Mello's mouth formed into a hard line but he said nothing, staring straight ahead. "I didn't mean to tell him, it just slipped out."

"Nothing we can do about it," Mello said. "We'll just have to deal with the fallout." We drove back to his house in silence, neither of us mentioning the textbook he'd dropped in the parking lot. Now, because of that textbook, everything at school was going to change.

It promised to be a very eventful day.

/…/…/…/

AN: Wow, finally done. Sorry for the wait, and I am sad to say it, but updates will probably be closer to every two weeks. College is kicking my ass this year. I'm just really stressed and don't have a lot of time to write. Plus after I watch Glee I am always in a Glee mood for a couple days haha. Anyway, hope you all enjoyed the fight.


	23. Bigotry

Chapter 23: Bigotry

Mello's parents made a huge fuss over us when we got back to his house. Neither of us was horribly damaged, though I'd certainly been in better shape. I was going to have bruises and Mello only had a couple scrapes.

His mom hovered, getting us ice and trying to help us clean up. Mello tried to shoo her away but she was persistent and he finally let her help. Afterwards dinner was quiet, Mello's father silently fuming while his mother couldn't seem to decide between anger and concern.

We didn't talk much until we retired to his room for the evening. Mello and I sat down, putting music on quietly in the background. It was the only sound for several minutes until he spoke. "You shouldn't have jumped in."

I stared at him incredulously. "What?"

He shrugged. "I've had some self defense classes. I know how to fight. It was a lot harder to fight while you were involved."

I stared at him dubiously. "You think you could have taken him down?"

"Maybe," he said. "I did quite a number on him anyway. He looked pretty bad when we got out of there. But you were hopeless." A small smirk slithered across his face and I glared.

"I was not. I got some hits in," I defended. I had pride too, dammit!

"Okay," he said dismissively, standing and moving towards his computer.

"I did!"

"Whatever you say."

I huffed and lifted my backpack from the floor. "I'm going home before you demean me any further." I paused in the act of grabbing my coat. "What are we gonna do about tomorrow?"

He looked pensive, staring at the screen of his computer unseeingly before turning back towards me. "He's going to tell people. There's no point in hiding it. Just show that we're united I suppose."

"So like…just go public? Like kissing in school and everything?"

"We don't have to kiss and all that but I mean, there's no point in pretending we're not together if everyone is going to know. We'll just see how it goes."

I nodded and stepped forwards. "Alright. Do your project, or, what you can without your book." He leaned towards me, claiming a quick kiss. "Night."

"Night. See you tomorrow. Sure you don't want a ride back?"

I shrugged my coat on and lifted my backpack. "Yeah, it's no big deal."

He glanced out the window at the dark streets and looked back at me. "Maybe I should drive you anyway…"

I sighed. "Mello, honestly it's just a few blocks. I'll be fine." He still looked unsure and I rolled my eyes. "I am not totally incapable of looking after myself. I've done it for years. It's just starting to get a little warmer out and a walk would be good. I'll call you as soon as I get home."

He stood and I had the sinking feeling that he would insist on driving me (which was embarrassing, because come on, I wasn't helpless) but he didn't grab his keys, simply walking me to the door. We shared a brief kiss and he watched as I left. I waved from across the street and set off for home.

I was admittedly a little more nervous walking around alone since Mello's attack, and so I decided to call Joe. I didn't want him to find out at school from gossips, so I might as well tell him when I was away from home. There was still a chance my family wouldn't find out.

His phone rang three times before he picked up. "Hello?"

"Hey, Joe."

"Hey." There was a shuffling sound before he spoke again. "What's up?"

"Look, I need to tell you something," I said, slight nerves filling me again. I actually cared what Joe would think. "And it's a long story but everyone is going to know by tomorrow so I am telling you now."

"Okay," he said slowly, cautiously.

I made sure to keep an eye on my surroundings as I talked. "Okay, well…uh…" I didn't know how to lead up to it, so I just blurted it out. "I'm bi." Silence except for our breathing and the sound of my footsteps as I walked. "I'm dating Mello. I've been dating him for a while and…yeah."

The silence lingered a few more moments. "Cool," he said finally.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Sure," he said. "I just didn't expect it but I'm not a homophobe or something so, whatever."

I nearly breathed a sigh of relief. "Alright."

The silence was awkward for a few seconds before he spoke. "So if you're half gay, does that mean you're good at shopping and stuff? Because Michelle's birthday is coming up and I don't know what to get her."

I laughed, the tension easing. "I don't know much about shopping. She never wears jewelry though so I wouldn't buy something expensive if you go that route. She'll toss it on her dresser and it will vanish."

He chuckled slightly and I relaxed. Maybe we were being pessimistic. Maybe things would be okay.

/…/…/…/

"So…here we go," I stated unnecessarily the next day as we sat in Mello's parked car. He said nothing so I shuffled, looking out the window as the other students moved towards the school. Already I had noticed a couple people glancing at us in the car, though I wasn't sure if it was because they knew or if it was because we were just sitting there. But Nick would have told his friends, who would tell their friends and girlfriends, who would tell their friends, and by now the entire school probably knew. "So…should we…?" I trailed off, glancing at my phone. We still had fifteen minutes before class started but I didn't want the stares from the entire school the moment we walked in either.

He didn't speak but opened his car door, stepping out and slamming it shut behind him. I followed, blinking in the bright sunlight and following him towards the school. He slowed so we were side by side as we approached the doors. Trepidation rose inside me as we walked through the doors, waiting for a blast of homophobic comments.

None came, not immediately anyway. The hall wasn't particularly busy, just a few people rustling around their lockers. Some glanced at us before averting their eyes, and a few stared, but no one said anything. Mello acted as if it were a normal day, strutting towards his locker with me following. We collected our books and I joined him beside his locker, the two of us leaning against them and watching people pass. Maybe no one had believed him? But no, people were looking a lot more than the day before.

We had almost reached the warning bell when the first comment hit. "Hey, heard you two were fucking. Matt, is it true that Mello actually has a dick?" one of the jocks taunted as he sauntered passed.

Mello practically snarled at him, jumping away from the lockers. I caught his wrist, pulling him back as the guy laughed and kept moving. "He's not worth it."

Mello tugged his wrist from my grasp as a slur was thrown our way. He glared at the guy but said nothing, reaching down and clutching my hand so tightly I could feel the bones grinding together. I said nothing as Mello tugged me from the lockers and we walked in the general direction of our classes.

The stares increased, along with whispers, at that. Maybe less people had known than we had initially thought. Well, couldn't be helped now. We went our separate ways without further incident and I hoped that would be the worst of it.

/…/…/…/

Of course, life couldn't be that simple.

I had been surprised that despite Mello being public, there had been little protest from the Bible freaks. Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-religious, just atheist. But these were the people who thought it was their personal mission to convert people. Sure there were only two (Alice and Renee) but they were still annoying.

I had kind of respected them for backing off until they approached Mello and I that day in the cafeteria. "Homosexuality is a sin," Alice stated, watching at us. I stared at her in stunned silence so she went on. "The thought is not the sin; the sin itself is engaging in the act. I thought I should warn you now that you have decided to pursue a relationship. Engaging in this unhealthy behavior will not end well."

"How formal and courteous of you," Mello said stiffly.

"We don't mean to intrude-"

"Oh really?" he asked sarcastically.

She ignored him. "We're just trying to help. You're straying from the word of God. Are you not a believer?"

Mello glowered at her. "Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I am not a believer."

She seemed confused. "Well then you should know-"

"Listen, I don't blindly follow the Bible like some of you do. I think for myself. Love is love and I don't think God is going to care who I am with."

Alice huffed. "You are going against the word of God. You can't expect to get into heaven if you do that!" People were stopping to watch the scene unfold now. "It's immoral and wrong. If the Bible says it's wrong, you shouldn't be doing it."

Mello rolled his eyes. "The Bible also talks about people owning slaves and you don't see us running around with slaves doing our bidding anymore."

She seemed affronted. "Well that isn't practical anymore."

"Neither is homophobia."

"Being a homosexual is a sin. 'If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death. Their bloodguiltness is upon them.'"

Mello's hands clenched as whispers rose among the students that had stopped. He said nothing.

"Don't know how to defend against that? It's rather difficult to explain away isn't it?" she asked. I glared, anger slowly rising. "There is a higher power that will judge you for your actions."

"Then why are you here again?" he snapped.

She straightened, face a mask of superiority. "Is it so wrong that I want your soul to be saved? We are supposed to love everyone, sinners included. The Bible clearly states that what you are doing is wrong."

"It's none of your business," I growled.

Everyone's eyes swiveled to me. Alice's eyes narrowed before speaking. "The Bible has made it my business."

"If you continue to pursue these lusts you will be punished. You're indulging in disgusting behavior," Renee said.

"Go to hell!" I yelled.

"Why?" Alice asked. "So we can visit you?"

The volume from the onlookers rose, but a teacher came by before any other words could be spoken. I glared after the duo as they walked off and turned towards Mello. "Bitches. This is why I have a problem with religion."

"Not all religious people are like that."

I shrugged. "I know, it's just those zealots that piss me off. They have no right to say that to us." I studied him. "I didn't know you believed though."

He finally looked at me. "Yeah well, I don't go to church or anything. I doubt that would go over well." He chuckled without humor and looked back at his food. "I can have faith without religion. It's not a big deal. I don't care what those people say."

I watched as he stabbed at his mashed food and vowed to do some research when I got home.

/…/…/…/

A week had passed since Alice and Renee had attacked us in the cafeteria. In that time, nothing exciting had happened. There was some name calling and taunting, a couple shoves into the lockers, but besides that, nothing else. Alice and Renee had tried talking to us again but we'd ignored them, and really, a lot of the school seemed content to ignore us. Maybe people had guess early on or having not straight kids around was less exciting than they originally thought.

Mello and I were sitting in his room like usual, not doing much of anything. It really was a challenge to do much since his family always seemed to be home.

So instead of making out and having wild sex against the wall or something, we were sitting around doing homework, which was ridiculously boring. Mello was absorbed in his work though, so I pulled out my DS to play for a while. I didn't like to focus on school work too long. It can't be good for a person's health.

"Matt, mute your game. I can't concentrate," Mello muttered distractedly.

I smirked and turned the volume up without looking away from my game. I could feel his eyes glaring at me.

"Matt."

"Yes?" I asked innocently.

"I said _mute_ it."

"What?"

"Mute it!"

"Didn't catch that, what did you say?"

He growled in frustration and slammed his book closed. "You are the most stubborn-"

"Yeah, yeah," I said, turning my game off and crawling towards him. "Now will you pay attention to me?"

He rolled his eyes. "No, now you turned your game off so I can study."

I tried to steal a kiss but he leaned away. "Mello," I whined. "You've been studying for two hours now."

"So?" he asked.

I huffed. "If I show you something I did for you, will you stop studying until I go home?"

He raised an eyebrow, interest flickering across his face. "Depends," he said finally.

"I've been looking some churches up," I told him, digging through my backpack for the papers I had printed up. Mello watched flabbergasted as I pulled the slightly crinkled papers out and flipped through them. "There are more lgbt accepting churches than I thought there would be. Still not enough, but there's quite a few. There's this specific Baptist group, though I didn't see any around here. The Evangelical Lutheran churches of America are the most accepting I've read about. Gay people can like, serve as ministers and stuff. Some of the pastors even support same sex marriage, so I think this is your best bet. Plus that's the closest one there is around here."

"Matt, I'm Catholic," Mello said quietly, though his voice was touched, a gentle smile spreading across his face.

"I know," I said shuffling through the papers I had. "The Lutheran church is just more accepting and more legitimate. I mean, some of the other branches are total assholes but, you know, can't change it all, it's religion. There's this…Ecumencial Catholic church. And Old Catholic church. I know you said it was no big deal but there _are_ churches out there you can go to and-"

"I love you," he interrupted.

I froze. Mello's smile had grown, so different from the smirking he did at school. This was a true smile. I had never seen someone smile at me like that, with so much care and…love? "W-what?" I asked dumbly, staring at him.

"I love you." He said it slowly, then launched himself towards me. His lips were suddenly on mine, warm and perfect, hands on my hip, in my hair, my arms moving around him automatically and clutching him closer. Mello loved me.

I broke away as a small doubt crept across my mind. Mello had said he loved his ex but hadn't meant it. "Mello, you-"

"I really mean it," he cut me off again, taking my hands in his. "Honestly, I really do. You're an atheist and you spent all that time researching for me, and then it just hit me that I care about you so much. More than I have cared about anyone besides my family. I wouldn't lie to you. Not after all that bullshit we dealt with, I promise."

I stared into his eyes, and it was impossible not to believe him. Maybe I was being naive and too trusting, but I wanted to believe. I had never been loved before, and I knew I loved him. I'd wanted to hear it since it slipped out in the shower over a month ago. "Mels…"

Mello pulled back slightly, discomfort leaking onto his face. He glanced at the floor, unnaturally shy all of a sudden. "I know that was kind of abrupt. It just kind of hit me."

I shook my head. "No it's not bad I just…wasn't expecting it." I just stared at him a moment, too many emotions rushing through my brain at once.

"Me either. But, I meant what I said about it not being a huge deal, and you went and searched for me." He honestly seemed touched. "And you're always trying to defend me, even before we were dating, even though I don't need protecting," he rushed on. "And just…wow I am sounding like a total girl, so I'm going to stop talking."

I laughed. "I don't know, love confessions are a bit chick flickish, so I think you can be forgiven."

He laughed too and leaned towards me, our lips meeting in the middle. "Love you," I said when we broke apart.

"Love you too."

/…/…/…/

AN: College sucks. Papers suck. Homework and Japanese and exams suck. I am so stressed you guys, sorry for such a long wait. I shouldn't even be writing this, I am getting so behind. But I needed to post for you all. I hope you all liked it. Love confession ftw? Only a couple chapters left!

OH! Also, I meant no offense to anyone over the religion bits in this chapter. Most people who are religious are nothing like Alice and Renee, but I see people like this on my campus, saying horrible things to people. I have nothing against religion. Just a quick disclaimer.


	24. Going Home

Chapter 24: Going Home

We weren't confronted by the zealots much after that. Maybe it wasn't their style to confront people, or maybe word had gotten back to their parents and they'd lectured some manners into them. Regardless, though they tried to hand us flyers and looked at us with judgment, they didn't really talk to us anymore.

We liked to pause to kiss in front of their lockers between classes. Think of it as teaching tolerance. If they could shove their bullshit in our faces, we could throw ours right back.

Nick hadn't made any moves since the fight, though he still glared in the hall. And although we still had some staring and disgusted looks, overall people just left us alone or ignored us. I was glad things had changed, even if it had taken almost all year.

Mello and I had also taken to hanging out with Joe and Michelle more. Occasionally we joined forces to spend an evening gaming at Joe's house or having movie nights. I finally felt like I had a social life, it was amazing.

Unfortunately, as soon as I was really enjoying myself, Nick decided to start making comments again. One afternoon it got particularly heated as Mello and I were walking towards the parking lot with Joe and Michelle.

"Hey ladies, where you headed? Going shopping for high heels and fishnets? Project Runway marathon?"

Mello turned towards him. "You watch Project Runway?"

Nick growled. "I can't fucking stand you."

"Makes two of us," Mello said dismissively.

"I could take you to court," Nick announced boldly. "I should, after you jumped me in the parking lot."

Mello whirled around, backpack falling to the ground as his fists clenched in anger. "When I jumped _you_?" he snarled.

Nick leaned back against the lockers, smirking lazily at us. "It's true though. I didn't jump you, you came at me first. I was just defending myself."

"Bullshit!" Mello growled. "You went after Matt first because he was alone and you're a coward. You had him pinned to the fucking ground and kept hitting him. You'd never win in court."

"Sure I would, no judge would side with a flamer like you."

Joe pulled his arm from Michelle's and strode forward a few steps, an unfamiliar anger clouding his face that I had never seen. "Just back off, man. You're always messing with them."

Nick glared at him. "Why taking it so personal? You fucking them too, when you're not busy with your little girlfriend?"

"Seriously, dude, shut up," a guy passing through the hall said. His name was Sean and I'd only ever had one class with him. "It's getting old. Just leave them alone."

Nick seemed flabbergasted. "You're seriously defending them? Look at them," he emphasized, gesturing wildly at us. "It's disgusting!"

"They're not even doing anything," a girl yelled. "I never see them do anything but hold hands. Just leave them alone."

A few others echoed the sentiments, most just walking by. Nick looked pissed, looking around for support but finding none. He glared and stormed off, and I felt lighter. The school was almost on our side now…or they hated Nick enough to choose us over him. Things might actually be okay.

/…/…/…/

Mello and I were going out on our first official "date". We were going out as a real couple, though we weren't planning on making out in the park anytime soon. Still, it was Saturday afternoon and we were walking through town, after having a light lunch at a café. Now we were heading towards the park (no not to make out, remember?) for a stroll around, now that the weather had warmed up. It was early April and the snow was gone and green was slowly taking over once more.

Not many people were in the park, probably because everything was so wet still. It was muddy and slightly chilly with the breeze, but it was nice. Mello took my hand when no one was looking and I smiled at such a semi-public display of affection.

"School has gotten better," I commented as we walked.

He nodded. "Yeah, it just took people a while. I'm glad they got over it."

"Some of them."

"Yeah, some," he agreed.

"Have you decided on a college yet?" I asked softly.

Mello didn't look at me. "Not yet," he replied nonchalantly. "You?"

"No," I said, wondering where we would go from here. Same college, same dorm, or would we go our separate ways? What if we wanted to go to different schools? "Do you know where you want to go?"

He shrugged. "It's between my top two, but I like both a lot."

Only one of his top two were in my top two. "So we could end up in the same place."

He rolled his eyes. "We will go to your top choice and dorm together and never have to awkwardly skate around the subject again."

"It won't bother you, going to mine?" I asked.

"I told you, it is one of my top choices too."

I squeezed his hand. "Yeah I know but, thanks." He leaned in and stole a quick kiss and I grinned.

Being out in public, holding hands, this was the perfect day.

When Mello dropped me off the house was quiet. That was odd, because on a Saturday night music should be blaring from the house. I moved inside slowly, only to see David and my dad sitting on the couch, waiting for me. "What's up?" I asked slowly.

David's eyes were flashing, a smirk lighting his face as my dad spoke. "I got a call from a guy I work with today."

I walked halfway into the room and stopped, watching him. "Yeah?" I prompted.

His eyes were hard. "He was at the park today with his wife."

My eyes widened, my heart stopping for a moment, then suddenly doubling in its efforts to pound. "Oh, God."

"Apparently you're not a follower of God, since you're dating another man."

"Look, dad," I tried to speak.

"I don't want to hear it!" he roared, standing. He swerved, tripping over thin air and practically falling to the ground. He braced himself with the couch and looked at me. "I've put up with your attitude for years, but this is the last straw. It's like you go out and do stuff you know I'll hate." He stepped forward but swayed again, and the room stank of alcohol. He'd had a lot to drink already, and there was no way him being drunk out make this go well. I was so sick of living in this dump.

"Yeah, cause you're so much better," I mumbled under my breath, but not quietly enough, because his expression morphed.

"I'm sick of your shit!" my dad yelled, suddenly erupting. I took a step back, slightly intimidated by this unnaturally angry response. "I get no appreciation from you! After you killed your mother I let you live here! You're always putting me down, and I know what you think of me when I drink. Well I drink and I smoke, and it's because of _you!_ And now I find out you're being fucked by some pretty boy? That's the fucking last straw!"

"Leave him out of this!" I said before I can think about it.

"It's not like it's just me. David can at least see how fucking disgusting it is." He threw his beer bottle across the room towards the trash and the loud shattering of glass filled the room.

"It is _not_ disgusting! I love him, and he loves me! There's nothing wrong or disgusting about it!"

David was standing too, still smirking My dad staggered towards me quickly, and before I could back up he was holding me firmly by the shoulders. "Everything is wrong and disgusting about it."

I nearly gagged from the overwhelming smell of alcohol on his breath, shaking my head and wrenching myself out of his grasp, taking several steps backwards to increase the space between us. "You're wrong."

His scowl deepened, hands clenching into fists by his sides. "It's my opinion, and I think it's disgusting. I _know_ it's disgusting."

"It's not disgusting." I said, voice hard, unmoving.

"It's my opinion!"

"Your opinion is wrong!" I snapped. "People had opinions that slavery was okay, and they were wrong! People said whites were better than blacks, and they were wrong! People said men were better than women, and they were wrong! People who say homosexuals are disgusting are wrong!" I shouted at him as his face steadily grew redder.

The silence after my outburst is deafening, the air charged the way it is right before a lightning storm. My dad's mouth slowly opened and when he spoke it was steady, quiet. "I want you out of my house."

"W-what?" I stammered.

"You heard me! I won't have a faggot and a murderer as a son of mine! I want you out, right now!" he screamed, voice suddenly rising.

I could only stare at him. Sure we weren't close, and sure he was an asshole when he was drinking, but he was still my father. I hadn't thought he really blamed me for mom's death like David…but still for him to just kick me out? This was the only family I had.

"Dad please-"

He shoved me away. "I don't want to hear it! You should never have been born. If you hadn't happened we would still be a happy family. You are the worst mistake of my life, and I don't want to see it anymore. Out!"

"C-can I pack something first? Please?" I pleaded. I don't know why I asked that, but I needed to do something, to get something…since I was homeless. My family all hated me_._ I almost didn't hear him growl that I had two minutes over the echoes in my head. I pushed past David, hurrying to my room and grabbing the duffle bag out of my closet.

I wasn't thinking clearly. Clothes…I needed some clothes. I grabbed several shirts and pairs of jeans, stuffing them in. I grabbed my DS as well, and several games. I looked around my room, at a loss. What do you grab as you're being kicked out of your house? I stuffed several more shirts in my bag before David appeared in my doorway.

"Thirty seconds Matty."

"Why?" I questioned. "Why would you want this so badly?"

He sighed. "Oh Matt, don't you realize by now that we hate you? Dad never said so, he tried to do what mom would have wanted, but really, did it ever seem like he cared for you?" I didn't answer that yes, when he wasn't drinking, it did sometimes feel like I was cared for. But after that episode, I didn't think so anymore. "Neither of us wanted you in this family. Go live with that fag of yours, or starve to death on the streets. I really don't care which." He paused, glancing at his watch. "Time is up, you better get out."

I pushed past him, not meeting either of their eyes as I practically ran towards the door. I glanced back once, hoping for dad to say it was a joke, that he didn't blame me, that he didn't hate me. His expression didn't waver, and I pushed the door open, walking into the night air.

My throat was tight as I quickly strode down the block, not even pausing to think about my destination. I shakily reached for my cell phone, not breaking my stride as I hit the numbers. I messed up the first couple times, and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. At the pace I was moving, it didn't take long at all for Mello's house to come into view. I finally got the numbers right and waited for him to answer as I crossed the street and approached his house.

"Hello?"

"Mello," I managed, unable to say anything else as I paused on his lawn, looking up at his house. He was probably in his room, studying for his upcoming physics test, maybe listening to music and munching on some chocolate. I felt awful, suddenly breaking up his evening, but I couldn't go back. But at the same time the words did not seem to want to leave my mouth.

"Matt?"

"Mello, Mello," I repeated his name, as if the name alone would make this better, would make the pain of my family hating me for something I had no control over hurt less.

"What's going on?" he asked. "Matt?"

What was going on? Everything was going on. Everything was messed up, everything was wrong. But all I could say was his name. How could I even explain this? I hadn't thought before coming here, I just had. I shook my head despite the fact that he couldn't see it and said his name once more. "Oh God, Mello." Well two new words at least.

"Matt? What's wrong? Where are you?" His voice had changed, a hint of panic in his tone.

"Mello, I'm outside. Please-"

"I'm on my way out," he interrupted, hanging up abruptly. I barely had time to return my phone to my pocket before the front door opened and he was sprinting across the lawn. "What's going on," he asked, stopping in front of me.

"He kicked me out." My voice broke slightly and I looked away, ashamed of my family and at being upset that they rejected me.

"Oh no, Matty no," he murmured, pulling me against him in a tight embrace. I wrapped my arms around him, clutching him as hard as I could. "What happened?" he whispered, voice pained.

"Someone saw us," I said, voice bitter. "They've always hated me, because I killed her. I never belonged there. I hate them, Mello. I should be elated to get out! I should be…" I trailed off, not knowing what else to say. I shouldn't be upset in the least at being away from home. I hated it there. I hated all of them.

His arms tightened around me a moment before he pulled away, looking straight into my eyes. "You did not kill your mother," he said slowly. "It was not your fault, there is nothing you could have done, so don't ever think that." I nodded. "And it doesn't matter, they were still your family, and they threw you out. I can't imagine how hard that must be."

"Where am I going to go? I have no home. I don't have enough money to get by. What am I going to do Mello?" I asked desperately, suddenly panicked. I made minimum wage with under twenty hours a week. There was no way I could live on that.

"You're staying with me of course."

"What?" I stepped back and stared at him.

"You didn't think I'd just let you wander off to sleep in a park did you?" he asked. Tenderly he reached up and brushed his hand down my face. "I love you, and I'm going to protect you."

A thousand feelings flowed through me at once; gratefulness, hope, shock, but most of all, love. I leaned in and kissed him fiercely, trying to convey everything in that one kiss. When we separated he gently gripped my hand with his and led me towards the door. I was suddenly nervous. What would his parents say? Certainly they couldn't just take a random kid in. Mello gave my hand a reassuring squeeze and led me inside.

I shrunk back slightly, seeing both his parents dressed and ready for bed. He didn't pause, pulling me forward into the living room.

"Mom, dad, Matt's parents kicked him out," he stated bluntly. "Can he stay here?"

I looked at the ground, not meeting their eyes. I was sure both of them were staring at me, appalled that their son would bring his boyfriend over because his own family was disgusted by him. My hand tightened around Mello's as I heard footsteps, but suddenly a new pair of arms were around me.

"Oh you poor thing," Mello's mother was saying. "Of course you can stay. We don't have an extra bedroom, but we can put a cot in the study for you."

"Actually I'd like him to stay with me in my room," Mello said.

His mother's face changed. "Mello, I don't think that's exactly appropriate."

"Mom he was just kicked out of his home for being gay. I don't think he wants to be alone right now!"

There was a loaded silence for a while. "That is logical. I'll put the cot in Mello's room now," his father conceded after the long silence, standing.

"Thank you," I said, finally finding my voice.

"Oh it's no problem. Would you like some leftovers from dinner? Anything?" Mello's mother asked.

"I'd rather just go to bed," I told her. "Thank you though."

Only thirty minutes later I was changed and lying in bed with Mello, ignoring the cot set up in the room. I had worried his parents would get angry, but he had reassured me that they were sleeping, and even if they came in they'd understand. Not really wanting to argue I had simply curled up with him, taking comfort from his arms wrapped securely around me.

"You can't leave me," I whispered suddenly.

"What?"

I tightened my grip around him, not moving my head from his chest. "You're all I have now Mello. I know that sounds totally pathetic but I don't know what I'd do if you weren't here right now."

He placed a kiss gently on my head. "I will never leave you Matt. You don't need them, because you have me, and I will always be there for you."

"Always?" I asked.

"Always," he confirmed. "We were planning to go to the same college together anyway…we both got in. I'm first and you're second so we should get plenty of scholarships. We'll room together on campus and get away from here."

"But how do you know this will all work out so well?"

"I don't. I do know though, that I care about you more than any guy I've ever dated, and after all the shit we went through, we can get through this. This is nothing. You practically live here anyway."

I should be used to that warm feeling by now, the love and admiration that filled me when I was around Mello, but this surge was possibly the strongest of all. I closed my eyes, getting comfortable and cuddling closer. "Love you." The words felt so easy to say now.

He pulled me closer. "I love you too, Matt. Everything is going to be okay, I promise."

AN: Sorry guys just…college sucks XD And I have another announcement for you, that will make you all sad. I've decided to participate in national write a novel month, meaning that I must write a 50,000 word novel by November 30th. This means I will be lucky to update this soon. It's my first year trying and since I have a novel idea, I'd like to give it a shot. I will try to write this too of course, just expect it to be a wait. Sorry all…especially since there's only one chapter left. I only even got this to you all (at like four in the morning) because I went to a write in and got ahead of the daily goal. But hope you all enjoyed the dramatic Matt being kicked out scene.


	25. Time of Your Life

**AN: So sorry for the wait everyone, but between NaNo (Which I won! Yay!) and finals, I have been buried. But enjoy the final Chapter of Finding Him.**

**/…/…/…/**

**Chapter 25: Time of Your Life**

The next two weeks sped by. I was surprised by how easy it was to fall into the routine of Mello's home. I mean sure, I had spent a lot of time over there, tons of time actually, but staying there was different. Or, it was supposed to be. The only real difference was that I saw Mello all the time. If possible, I came to love his parents even more, who were sweet to me ad wouldn't let me pay for my own groceries. I slid money on the table sometimes, or in pockets, and sometimes they took it, but I usually found it folded up in my coat pocket or in my DS or something.

Living with Mello was just, amazing. His parents tried to convince me that they could convert their study into a bedroom for me, but I would much rather stay in Mello's room, plus I felt guilty about making them give up the room. Mello's dad did his work in there every night; I didn't want to drive him away because I needed a bedroom. I'd just end up hanging out in Mello's anyway.

We woke up around six on weekdays. Though I preferred to sleep longer, Mello set his alarm for six, and kept it across the room so one of us had to get up and turn it off. And once you're out of bed, you might as well stay up. Plus Mello was loud while he was getting ready. But we got up, had a simple breakfast (except on weekends, when his mom cooked for us), went to school, came back, hung out, and slept. Not much had changed.

Though I can't say our habits didn't…annoy each other. Don't get me wrong, living with Mello was great, but he definitely had a bit more of a temper when you were with him all the time.

"For the last time, would you turn that fucking game off?" he snapped, glare firmly on his face.

I glanced at him nonchalantly and went back to my game. "Nope." He threw his pencil against the wall and stood, marching towards me. "Quiet, you'll wake your parents and they'll think we're having sex on a school night," I said, not looking up.

He launched towards me, ripping the DS from my hands and tossing it on the bed behind him. "I said to stop it!"

"Hey!" I jumped up. "You're such an ass. You're lucky it's Pokémon and I can't die standing there."

He threw his hands up in the air in frustration. "Why don't you ever listen to me? I'm trying to study and all I hear is that stupid battle music, and it's turning my brain to mush! There's no way there's that many Pokémon hiding in the grass! It's so unrealistic!"

"Yes, Mello, the sheer amount of them is the unrealistic part of the game," I deadpanned.

He pushed passed me and collapsed at his desk, staring at his textbook, eyes flickering across the page quickly. I slowly moved around him and towards my game, but his foot shot out and I tripped over it, falling flat on my face with a small 'oof.' "Oops," he said innocently. "Did I do that?" I just glared at him. "Just turn it off."

I sat up and kicked at the leg of his chair. "I'll turn off the game when you turn off the fucking light so I can get some sleep. It's almost two in the morning, Mello! I'm tired!" I complained.

"I have a big test tomorrow, this is what I do on test nights."

"You act like you don't already know the material," I growled, climbing into my bed and pulling the covers over my head, trying to block out the light. I clambered upwards and towards his bed, finding my DS and slipping back into my own. Moments later the familiar battle music started and I grinned at his groan of annoyance.

"Matt!"

"Mello, two minutes, I need to catch this Haunter."

"Matt!"

"Rapidash I choose you!"

"…You have a Rapidash?"

"You know what a Rapidash is?"

"…"

I continued playing, Mello staying silent for several minutes. "Why are you playing Fire Red anyway? That one is old."

I shrugged even though he couldn't see it. "I'm getting in the mood for Black and White. I should have it by next week."

"Doesn't that not come out for another two months?" he questioned.

"I have my sources," I muttered vaguely, grinning in victory as I captured Haunter. I saved and turned off my DS, curling up in bed and closing my eyes. "I turned it off, now can we please sleep?" I whined. He said nothing so I huffed loudly, burying my head under the pillow and closing my eyes, willing the light to stop invading m sleeping space. I was so tired, and sleeping sounded wonderful.

I blinked groggily what felt like minutes later with a weight settling over my chest. I groaned and threw the covers off me, staring up at my very annoying boyfriend. "What?" I grumbled, glancing at the clock. An hour had passed, and the room was finally dark. Mello was smirking gleefully at me, and he leaned down, pressing his lips slowly to mine.

I pushed him away (rather weakly, since I was half asleep). "Mels, I'm tired."

"Did I say I wanted sex?" he asked, trying (and failing) to sound offended. Really, he just seemed amused, way too amused for someone who was up at three in the morning. "I thought you were a night owl?" he teased.

"I got like, three hours of sleep last night. I am trying to fix that yet here you are, sitting on me."

Mello chuckled and slipped under the blankets with me. I sighed dramatically but he simply pecked my lips and settled down, arm resting lightly on my chest. I couldn't fight the smile that slipped across my face. I couldn't imagine being happier than I was with him.

/…/…/…/

School was quickly coming to a close, something I was endlessly excited about. I was so done with assignments, tests, papers, and all that other crap. It was boring and there was too much of it. It was May at last, and finals were in two weeks. Somehow I expected Mello was going to be impossible to live with as they approached.

"I need to write that paper tonight," Mello was saying as we left the school and began to tread towards his car. "It's due on Thursday, so I have just under a week to do it, but I have a big test next week too, so I better work on it now."

"You're way too dedicated. Only you would go home on a Friday night to study in an empty house."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Why? Did you have something else in mind?"

I shoved him, chuckling. "Pervert. I just meant that you were totally lame. Besides, I have work."

"You get off at eight, and my parents are going to that fancy dinner for my dad's work. Those things last until like, ten," he said, nudging me suggestively.

"How disgusting."

I closed my eyes, the burning desire to slam my head repeatedly into one of the nearby cars flaring up. "Leave us alone, Nick."

"Why, so you can keep gushing over your sex life? No thanks," he sneered.

"How about you get a life?" Mello asked. "It's pretty pathetic, the way you follow us around, especially now that you're one of the only people doing it."

He laughed. "You're calling me pathetic? What about your boy? I heard he's living with you because his family doesn't want him."

"Old news," I said flippantly, forcing back the sting from the comments. "That happened weeks ago, so I don't know why you're trying to bother me with it now."

"Does it not bother you?" he asked mockingly. "To know that your own family hates you?"

"Back off!" Mello yelled.

"Don't you feel like the pathetic one, being taken in by some guy who is only using you for sex? Where else would he get any in this town? But if you're willing to take it, why not, right Mello?" Nick smirked.

Mello launched himself at Nick and I grabbed his arms, forcing him back. We did not need to be suspended for fighting this close to the end of our high school years. "He's just trying to get to us, ignore him."

"You just don't want to believe it's true!" Nick hollered.

"I know it's not true," I stated calmly.

"How would you know?" Nick taunted.

"I just do. You wouldn't understand."

"And why not?" he asked.

I smirked at him. "Because the only possible sex you'd ever get would be from paying a prostitute, then the sex really only would be for the sake of having sex." Nick looked like he desperately wanted to say something, but couldn't find the words. "See you around." I pulled Mello with me and led him towards the car.

"Fuck you!" was Nick's intelligent reply.

"No thanks, I've got Mello for that!" I replied cheerfully.

"You're such a fag!"

"I am well aware," I said seriously, pushing Mello towards the driver's side door and moving around to the passenger seat. "Let's go."

Mello pulled on his seatbelt, setting a hand on my leg the moment I sat down. "You're so sexy when you act like that," he purred, thumb stroking back and forth across my leg.

"Am I?" I asked. "I'll have to do it more often." I scooted towards him, kissing him deeply on the lips before sliding to my seat and bucking up. "Let's go."

"So controlling today, Matty," he teased, but he sped away, flipping Nick off as he drove.

Work was long and dull; it was a slow day, and we had four people working so there was nothing to do but sit behind the counter and ring the occasional customer up. I watched the clock tick slowly. I'd never had a shift go by so slowly before.

The second the clock turned eight I punched out, said bye to my coworkers, and stepped outside. Mello's car was in the parking lot and I smiled, making a beeline for the vehicle and slipping in. "Hey," I said.

"Hey." We drove home in silence, Mello keeping careful watch on the road while I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. I was still tired since Mello kept me up studying every night.

We pulled up to the dark house and went in. "Want something to eat?" Mello asked, moving towards the kitchen.

I followed, leaning against the wall. "Sure wife, what are you cooking?"

He glared at me. "You better watch it or I'll toss the sandwich in the garbage."

I blinked at him. "You made me a sandwich?" I asked. He tossed it on the table and I smiled, gliding towards him to deliver a quick kiss. "Thanks."

He pushed me away. "Whatever."

I ate quickly and we retired to the living room, curling up on the couch. We both stared at the dark TV screen, saying nothing for a while. Eventually Mello's lips were pressed against my neck. I closed my eyes, relaxing my head against the back of the couch as he nibbled at my skin. Slowly his lips drifted across my jaw. I turned my head instinctively to meet him halfway. Our lips press together, unhurriedly at first, then slowly with more desire. His hands moved then, one brushing teasingly against my hip, the other finding its way to my hair, tugging softly. I pressed my tongue past his parted lips as he leaned back against the arm of the couch, giving me room to crawl on top of him. He used the new position to pull me closer.

It didn't take long after that for the make out session to escalate. Soon our hips began grinding together. My mouth moved to find his neck, a soft moan escaping his lips. "Bedroom," he muttered, pushing me off. I stood, pulling him up beside me.

We made it halfway to the stairs before he slammed me into the wall, lips moving frantically against mine. I arched into his touch and shoved him backwards and towards the stairs, stealing another quick kiss as we raced upstairs.

His bedroom door was closed, so I returned the favor, slamming him into it and tasting every inch of his mouth that I could. I heard his hand fumble for the doorknob and we nearly tumbled to the ground when he finally found it. The room was dark, and we didn't bother turning the light on. Soon my back was pressed against the wood of the door, our lips connected as he quickly locked it. I tugged at the hem of his shirt and he pulled it off quickly, hair sticking up humorously from the static. I chuckled and brushed it back down, pulling off my own striped shirt and letting it fall softly to the floor. My back is soon against the wood of the door again. One of his hands is pressing into the wood beside me, as if trying to prevent me from escaping, though I can't imagine why I would try to. The other is holding my chin in place. I used one of my hands to drag him as close as I could, the other tangling in his hair. Our hips moved in harmony, grinding together. I could feel his hard on through his pants, but that wasn't enough. I wanted all of him.

I pushed him back, my hands fumbling with his zipper as I led him towards the bed. It came loose and he kicked them off, allowing me to shove him back on the bed. I let my own jeans fall to the floor before joining him, crawling across his body and letting our hips meet desperately.

His hand slid into my boxers and I couldn't hold back the groan as he slowly began to pump me. "Like that?" he asked. I growled in frustration, yanking the boxers off and tossing them somewhere behind me. "So forceful," he teased. I glared and practically ripped the boxers from his hips, lowering my head to take his cock in my mouth. A broken moan fell from his mouth and I smirked. "U-unfair advantage," he gasped.

"Hmmm," I agreed, and he moaned again at the vibrations. I didn't linger particularly long there, moving up to kiss him deeply. "You were saying something?"

We kissed again, Mello breaking away after a minute to slither downwards and return the favor, though it lasted much longer than his had. In the back of my mind I worried about choking him since he was under me, but he slipped up the bed before it happened. "Had to get you lubed up," he stated pleasantly.

I blinked, staring at him blankly. "Wait, what?"

He gave me a small smile. "I want you to take me."

I sat up slowly. "Mello, if this is about what Nick was saying…"

He followed me quickly. "It has nothing to do with him," he insisted. "I just, I want this."

"You never bottom, Mello. You never have," I said dubiously.

He was blushing slightly. "Well, I want to with you. I trust you."

A new kind of warmth filled me at that statement. "Are you sure?" I asked hesitantly.

He rolled his eyes. "Matt, I take you all the time and you're fine. I think I can handle it."

I leaned in, pressing my lips to his. "Okay." I lowered him to the bed, slight nerves filling me. I had never done this before. Sure, I'd been there when Mello did it and I understood the general idea behind it, but I didn't want to hurt him. I tried to let myself relax and let my body do whatever it wanted. We continued kissing, hands drifting to every crevice of each other's bodies, and by the time I grabbed the lube I was ready to burst. I needed to be inside him. These touches were killing me.

Seeing as how until now I had always bottomed, I knew how painful it could be and vowed to be very careful with Mello. I prepared him gently, stretching him as much as he needed before positioning myself at his entrance. He looked nervous, but nodded, and I slowly entered, wincing at his gasp of pain. "I'm sorry Mello. It will get better, I promise."

Guilt swept through me when I saw tears gathering at the corner of his eyes. "It better," was the breathless reply, "because if this is all you've felt every time we've had sex I'm going to feel really fucking guilty."

I leaned down, kissing his lips carefully. "Just relax. It will be better once you relax," I promised him. It was hard to think, feeling him around me, and he was so tight I almost couldn't bear it, but slowly his muscles began to loosen, and finally he was relaxed. "You okay?" I asked. "You ready?"

He simply nodded and I started moving, slowly at first, until I saw the pain melt away to pleasure on Mello's face. Then I began to pick up the pace, hands gripping his hips. I was urged on by his moans, searching for that one bundle of nerves that would send him flying. I knew instantly I had found it when Mello practically screamed. "Matt," he managed, "there, right there," he said, as if I hadn't noticed. Either way I complied, doing my best to hit that bundle of nerves every time.

Our bodies were growing slick with sweat, the sound of skin slapping skin the only noise in the room. Mello was gasping with every thrust, and seeing him underneath me made me want him more. I was totally swept away by the sensations, and I knew I wouldn't last much longer. I was close, and a final thrust was all that was needed to bring Mello to completion. Feeling his muscles tighten around me was too much, and I moaned his name as I came before sinking down on top of him.

Our breathing sounded loud and harsh in the silent room, and I pulled out, rolling to the side just enough to curl up with him. We're silent for several moments, both catching our breaths, before he speaks. "Wow."

I chuckled weakly, still out of breath. "That's all you can say?"

He laughed too. "I see why you seem to like bottoming, feels good."

I hummed in agreement, eyes closing of their own accord. I forced them open only to see Mello's closed too. "Hey, your parents are going to be home soon."

"Don't care," he mumbled.

"Mello!"

"Can't move," he whined.

My heart clenched in my chest. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" I asked anxiously.

"Calm down you freak," he said, wrapping an arm around me to stop me from getting up. "You just exhausted me is all. I'm fine."

"You sure?" I asked.

"Yes, now, let me sleep."

"Mello," I whined. "They're gonna know we were having sex."

"Ugh!" he sat up. "I hate you."

"You're such a liar."

"Yeah, yeah." He rolled out of bed, redressing. We managed to stumble our way downstairs and put on a movie, curling up on the couch. I found my eyes fluttering closed not long into the movie, and vaguely registered the sound of a door closing not long later.

"Sleeping already?"

"Crappy day at work," Mello told them. "He had a bad headache."

"Poor guy," his mom said. "Did he eat anything?"

"He had a sandwich. I think he just needs to sleep it off." And I did nod off, for a while. Eventually I felt Mello nudging me. "Get up, we're going to bed." I grumbled something at him and rolled towards him, burying my face against his chest. "No way am I carrying you anywhere after what you did to me. You should be carrying me." I groaned and forced myself up, staring blearily into Mello's half closed eyes. We slipped upstairs and into bed quickly.

"Love you," I slurred.

"Love you too," he said, voice sleepy. I drifted off, thinking about how lucky I was to have him. I didn't know how I had managed it.

Before I knew it, graduation had arrived. It was a busy week, full of finals and preparations for the big day. All of a sudden, seemingly out of nowhere, we were in the school halls, wearing our caps and gowns. As we lined up I leaned in to adjust his cap. He nudged me, knocking my cap off. I pouted at him and picked it up, hitting him with it. We both laughed. "Can you believe it's really almost over?" I asked.

"Seems like the year just started," he admitted. "But things have changed a lot since then." I nodded, thinking about high school, and how much things had changed, all because I had found Mello. Sure, everything hadn't been perfect, and there had been bumps along the way, but we had got through it. I had lost things over the past year, but Mello, finding out who my true friends are, and ultimately who I was, was definitely worth it.

And maybe Mello and I wouldn't be together forever. Maybe we'd break up in college and go our separate ways, meet new people and build lives without each other. Even if that happened, Mello had given me something I'd take with me all my life. I was no longer afraid of being bi, and I wasn't going to hide who I was from myself or anybody else. I wasn't going to worry about the future. It wouldn't be easy, and it certainly wouldn't be perfect, but it would be worth it. That's what mattered.

But thinking of living without Mello felt legitimately painful, and I didn't want to worry about it. We'd met just this year, and he already was such an important part of my life. Us breaking up for real was just…not an option. Not after all the crap we went through over the year.

I felt someone tackle me from behind and I fell over to the kid in front of me. "Sorry," I gasped out. He shrugged, laughing as Michelle's arms tightened around my throat. "Michelle!" I growled.

She laughed. "Hey, wanna go out to IHOP after the ceremony with Joe and me?" she asked.

"I'm going out with Mello's parents," I told her, turning to give her a quick hug. "Could we go later instead?"

"Yeah," she said excitedly, Joe finally arriving through the throngs of people. "That's okay right?"

"Sure," he said, even though he had missed out on the entire conversation. "Man, I can't believe we're about to graduate."

"I can't decide if I'm happy or sad," Michelle said, eyes bright.

Mello's arm crept around my waist and he grinned. "I'd go with happy."

We chatted spiritedly for several minutes, waiting for the ceremony to start. Since teachers were still wandering around with students not in cap and gown, we still had some time. "Oh, Matt!" Joe said suddenly. "I saw your dad."

I froze. "You what?" Mello's arm tightened around me.

Joe nodded. "Yeah, he's sitting in the stands by the door. I thought you guys weren't talking…you know?"

"Yeah…we're not…" I trailed off, slowly pulling myself from Mello's grasp. "I need to…"

"Go on, we'll be here," Mello reassured. I smiled gratefully and slipped through the crowd quickly, ducking into the gym where the ceremony was taking place. A couple other graduates were mulling around, helping to set up with the teachers. My eyes scanned the stands and after quite a bit of searching, I saw him. I just stared at him and he met my eyes from across the room. I didn't experience a huge catharsis; there were no tears or hugs or even mutual nodding, just our eyes connected for several endless seconds before he looked away. But, it was enough. I doubted I'd ever go home again, and I doubted I'd ever talk to David again. Maybe someday I'd get a call from my dad, or something, but our family was too broken to fix. It always had been.

A teacher told me it was almost time to start so I rushed back to Mello, and not long after, the ceremony began. I walked across the stage and got my diploma, briefly considering how after dealing with school for twelve years, I got about ten seconds on stage and a piece of paper to acknowledge it. It seemed a bit unfair.

As I sat down, listening to the principal give his speech to the graduates, I began thinking about the absolute mess the year had been. So much had grown wrong, and there were so many bad moments. But everything I had gone through, everything I had to endure over my life was worth it.

Because I had found him. Mello had taught me so much. He showed me so many things. He was to blame for the best parts of my life. With him I found out more about myself. I found out not only about love, but that I deserved it. I found out I should not have to be just tolerated, but cared for and appreciated. I had found out that love was love, no matter the race, age, or gender of the person. Love was love, and love was Mello.

Finding Mello is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

"Students, please stand," the senior officer Joey said, prompting all of us to rise from our seats. "Please turn you tassel now." We all did so. "We have now officially become graduates. Thank you." Before he had finished, everyone removed their caps and threw them into the air, laughing and cheering. Still smiling, I turned towards Mello. As the caps fell down around us, I pulled him towards me. Our lips met, and I knew this was our moment. This was the start of an amazing new life. We'd be free of the school, of my family, and of the restrictions of his. We had a glorious summer in front of us, and then college.

Always together, me and him. Me and Mello.

"Thanks for finding me," I said quietly when we pulled apart.

"No…thank you for finding _me_," he whispered.

We kissed again, and really it did not matter who found who. We had found each other. Our love was something that was meant to be. I knew then, that things were going to be okay. As long as I had Mello, things would be okay.

No…they would be perfect.

**/…/…/…/**

**AN: Oh wow, it's actually done. I can't believe I've finished this. Thank you all so much for reading! And if you'll indulge my ridiculously lengthy AN I would appreciate it XD**

**This story has meant a lot to me. I've had the idea for a while, and when I started writing it, I was just coming to accept that I was bisexual, so this story is very personal. A lot of Matt's emotions came from my own. I used this story as a kind of outlet, to get out my feelings about homophobia and family and society. I am lucky because overall, everyone I've told is very accepting, but it is not that easy for some people. I think, even us shippers tend to forget how hard it really is to not be straight in this world. People are victims of hate crime and fired for being gay and all these horrible things. This story was intended to be 12 chapters, but a lot of plot developed. Your reactions to this story have moved me. I am so glad that it has touched so many people. I didn't just want some sexy M/M fic, I wanted a story that meant something. You've all been so supportive so thanks to all my reviewers and readers.**

**I need to give a few special shoutouts to people. First to parasitic, a friend of mine who beta'd the first couple chapters and encouraged me to post, since I was leery of HS AU stories. Second to 0-Kelly-0, my wonderful motivator who would go on MSN and yell at me to write. She kept me going, and she gave me some advice whenever I got stuck. Also to Dlvvanzor, who helped me work through the plot, gave me ideas and dialogue when I got stuck, and read parts of the story I worried over. She is epic. Also to ShinigamiMailJeevas and Miharu is Haruka's Love Child, for giving me plot ideas and helping me out. And lastly to Foxmore and Chaosattractor for being supportive and encouraging. I love you all.**

**As for UPCOMING PROJECTS, do not expect a new series from me anytime soon. Right now my plan is to write some fun oneshots and just relax. I do have collab plans with 0-Kelly-0 and ShinigamiMailJeevas though. We have plots chosen and I plan to start work with Kelly's collab this month. Plan on seeing it (hopefully) soon! As for Gami, she doesn't upload until a fic is done, so don't hold your breath waiting for that one yet haha. Also, a lot of you have asked about a sequel. I won't rule it out, but I do not have one planned as of now. We'll see if I get any ideas for one.**

**Alright, I think I am finally done haha. Thank you all so much for reading, and I hoped you all liked the chapter. Have a wonderful holiday and see you when I update a new oneshot!**


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